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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
MrsKwazi · 17/08/2024 17:55

From what you’ve said, yanbu! They should also have been updront that they needed (wanted?) you there for a big chunk of childcare.

Just wondering what her side of the story would be….

SalmonEile · 17/08/2024 17:56

I think your sister should’ve been up front about the expectations of the holiday that it was their honeymoon and they wanted you guys to come and help out with the kids

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/08/2024 17:58

Your sister and BIL should've been upfront.

You shouldn't have dragged your mum into it and made the dig about childcare.

FumingTRex · 17/08/2024 17:59

Yeah your sister messed up by not telling you she expected you to be scivvy in return for the holiday.

alrightluv · 17/08/2024 17:59

No yanbu. So sorry they're all having a go.

aloris · 17/08/2024 17:59

It sounds like she is highly offended that you have dared to leave the resort. What's the point of going abroad to a unique location if all you are allowed to see is the resort? Inviting you along doesn't make you her prisoner. Seems pretty clear the reason they invited you was for the free babysitting. It might be nice if you or one of the other "guests" could babysit for a bit so your poor mom could see the country too.

Personally, I wouldn't appreciate this controlling behavior of hers. Remember in future that her gifts come with strings attached.

Sunsetsandcocktails · 17/08/2024 18:00

I don’t think so no. Just cos she’s paid for the holiday doesn’t mean she gets to dictate what you do while you’re there.

Sounds like they just wanted you to come for free childcare and are pissed off you weren’t ‘available’.

if she’d have said ‘we want to go on a honeymoon and would like to pay for you to come with us to look after our kids’ puts quite a different spin on it so ask her if it’s genuinely a free holiday for you or one for her with ‘free’ childcare. If she says the former, you can tell her in that case you’ll explore as you please. If it’s the latter then she’s the CF… win win!

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 18:00

I suspect she had plans that included you looking after children and that plans were broken when you left for a day hence her reaction. You also set up a dangerous precedent 😉

How much your brother and his GF were involved in looking after kids by the way?

FionnulaTheCooler · 17/08/2024 18:00

I think your sister is the cheeky one. You don't just bugger off and leave your children for others to look after unless it's been previously agreed on. Sounds like she wanted a child free honeymoon and is trying to guilt you all into it.

Elisabeth3468 · 17/08/2024 18:01

I think they are the cheeky ones expecting you lot to do all the childcare. Regardless of paying for the holiday!

RedToothBrush · 17/08/2024 18:01

Just because they bought you a holiday doesn't mean they own you and can control you for a week. Given you've actually provided childcare you've actually earned your holiday. You haven't actually had it for free at all.

She can get grumpy all she likes but she's being grossly bratty.

WindsurfingDreams · 17/08/2024 18:01

They should have been honest they they were mainly inviting you all to be babysitters!

Of course it would have been nice to offer to babysit for the odd day here or there but they are behaving outrageously

Doseofreality · 17/08/2024 18:02

just tell her you didn’t realise the holiday came with a clause of temporary hostage status.

HelplessSoul · 17/08/2024 18:02

Safe to say your Dsis and her DH are cunts.

TruthorDie · 17/08/2024 18:02

RedToothBrush · 17/08/2024 18:01

Just because they bought you a holiday doesn't mean they own you and can control you for a week. Given you've actually provided childcare you've actually earned your holiday. You haven't actually had it for free at all.

She can get grumpy all she likes but she's being grossly bratty.

This. Does she and / or her husband have form for this bullshit?

Iwantamarshmallowman · 17/08/2024 18:02

I think your sister is the CF here. she should have discussed her expectations before the holiday was booked, especially regarding childcare. she's being a hypocrite for having a go at you for leaving the hotel one day when she has left every day.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 17/08/2024 18:04

Well what's done is done now, so might as well enjoy the rest of your holiday doing whatever you like! Probably shouldn't have dragged your mum into it, she needs an apology

Trox · 17/08/2024 18:04

So, you've paid for flights out to a babysitting gig with a running buffet?

Mil3nnial · 17/08/2024 18:05

No you're not unreasonable from what you've said. I thought you were going to say you'd left more than just once for a day. They should have made clear they expected to have time alone and that they wanted help with childcare. It's nice they invited you but it seems like they want to control you and keep you there won't their children. They're going off on their own so it's not like you were all together and you've gone off on your own.

SuncreamAndIceCream · 17/08/2024 18:05

Doseofreality · 17/08/2024 18:02

just tell her you didn’t realise the holiday came with a clause of temporary hostage status.

This!!!!

I see your Dsis conveniently didn't mention you'd be expected to babysit in exchange for this "free" holiday.

pizzaHeart · 17/08/2024 18:06

And yes, you were absolutely not cheeky at all, your sister was.

She should have been upfront with you and even if you’d agreed to be a childminders you could have some free time.

Oldinjuryhelp111037 · 17/08/2024 18:06

How long is left? I think I.would go find alternative accommodation or go home early.

I think you sister has been very rude and cheeky, and I'm assuming your parents pander to her quite a bit. You say they are quite poor and your sisters money is controlling them a bit!

I understand you don't want to cause more arguments though. So depends how it would go down when you got home...

RedToothBrush · 17/08/2024 18:07

Ask her how much it would cost her to pay for childcare for a week... And hour many days holiday someone should have?

35965a · 17/08/2024 18:07

Your sister and her partner are most definitely the cheeky fuckers here. If their holiday offer came with strings they should have been upfront about it beforehand.

Olika · 17/08/2024 18:08

So this paid all inclusive for the family was actually to have childcare in place for them to be able to enjoy honeymoon without kids. I would go crazy if I had to stay in the hotel area every day. I would want to see the area and experience new places.