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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
llamajohn · 25/08/2024 07:29

HelmholtzWatson · 25/08/2024 06:45

You're getting a free holiday and most of the all-inclusive resorts are set up for entertaining children, so i doubt you are that burdened.

Your sister is being cheeky, but then who "announces" they are doing something? Why not just ask?

Uh... The kids aren't in the kids club.

And being given a free holiday in exchange for looking after kids without any notice of this IS a burden.

llamajohn · 25/08/2024 07:30

Sti · 24/08/2024 17:51

I wish people would write words and not abbreviate, AF, DC, DH, What does it all mean.
Another bad thing that's come over from the states

Is this your first day in the internet or something?

These have been used for decades... everywhere...

fairislecable · 25/08/2024 10:49

I use Rimmel super gel and find it lasts really well (not the 14 days as claimed!).

https://www.rimmellondon.com/en-gb/nails/nail-polishes/super-gel

Wishitwasstraightforward · 25/08/2024 20:04

Sti · 24/08/2024 17:51

I wish people would write words and not abbreviate, AF, DC, DH, What does it all mean.
Another bad thing that's come over from the states

@Sti I've been posting on Mumsnet since 2005 and the abbreviations (amongst others) were used then. They aren't new, and haven't arrived from America.

A poster has already kindly posted a link to them which will help.

Sti · 25/08/2024 20:38

I just cannot see why people cannot type the word instead of abreviating

SusieLawson · 26/08/2024 05:24

That's weird they got nasty just because you went out the resort to see the sights with your partner. It's like they think of you as staff with no time off. They should have told people it's only free because they wanted free child care.

SusieLawson · 26/08/2024 05:27

fairislecable · 25/08/2024 10:49

I use Rimmel super gel and find it lasts really well (not the 14 days as claimed!).

https://www.rimmellondon.com/en-gb/nails/nail-polishes/super-gel

After a week your nails and cuticles grow down and looks skanky. That's why I prefer to do my own nails, so can remove the polish quickly to tidy up cuticles.

SusieLawson · 26/08/2024 05:33

Laurmolonlabe · 24/08/2024 18:13

Well personally I think she is "fucking cheeky" to invite you on holiday and expect 24 hr childcare from you, whether she paid or not.
An all-inclusive prison is still a prison-you might as well be at a Centerparc with a sun lamp if you can't go outside and explore.
Personally I'd leave and find a B&B somewhere else on the island-I recommend booking.com. then just go from there to the airport.
You are not going to persuade them they are anything other than lord and lady bountiful, so I wouldn't try, your Mum won't back you up because she is hardwired to "love " looking after the kids-so don't look for support- just leave, enjoy the rest of your holiday, and let them stew.

I booked with booking.com and made a mistake, but the hotel got all funny saying they wouldn't help as I didn't book with them direct. I think hotels prefer if you book with them direct.

llamajohn · 26/08/2024 06:16

Sti · 25/08/2024 20:38

I just cannot see why people cannot type the word instead of abreviating

Well you abbreviated in your original post too. "That's"

It's Ok to abbreviate.

Move on, this is the internet, it's been like this for decades.

HomeTheatreSystem · 26/08/2024 06:25

Your sister did not set accurate expectations of how the holiday was to work or perhaps she did, but changed her mind last minute and decided that she wanted a lot of alone time with her DH and just expected the rest of you 6 adults to step up to help look after the kids because she'd paid and therefore you owed her. That is just not fair or reasonable. With your DB and DF being a bit useless and DB's OP excusing herself on the grounds of exhaustion, it sounds like childcare has mostly fallen to just 3 of you.

She at no point discussed a revised plan with you all which is where resentment has started to creep in. From her POV, she would probably say they were out for half a day max, from your mum's POV she probably feels like she's had the kids on her own 24/7. You are all having very different and not entirely enjoyable experiences of the same holiday.

Her annoyance at you taking one day away from the resort over the whole holiday and her not allowing her 9 Yr old to go with you was ridiculous and petty. The other kids would still have had 2-6 adults looking after them which was plenty. I think you need to have a chat and clear the air to avoid the rest of your time together being marred by awkwardness. Your DF, DB and his OP can STFU as it sounds like the best they can do is not much at all.

I'm secretly laughing at your DB's OP slinking off with exhaustion. She must have watched this whole dynamic play out and thought WTAF. How do 2 tiny kids wreak so much havoc amongst 8 adults. I also expect that her seeing your DBs enthusiasm for playing with his nephews die a death after no time at all has given her a lot to think about.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2024 08:46

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 18:47

DB and his girlfriend have been doing their bit with the children but she is pregnant with their first and has exhaustion so often she will take herself to their room for a lie down, which is understandable. DB can handle the kids in small doses on his own but not for the whole day. Sister has made lots of comments about how he needs the practice.

Unless DB's pregnant girlfriend is going to be giving birth to a litter of children, being asked to mind 1 child is enough for him to practice on.

Your sister and her new husband have been taking liberties here - yes they paid for the hotel accommodation but that does not mean that you are all at her beck and call 24x7 on this holiday. She and her new husband should have made it crystal clear at the outset that this was what they envisioned their honeymoon to be like and equally you and anyone that they extended an invite to should have been within your rights to say "thanks but no thanks" to such a trip at the outset.

That didn't appear to happen here.

So, your DH and you taking yourselves off for a few hours while on this trip is fine where I'm sitting.

LookItsMeAgain · 26/08/2024 09:21

Have you returned from your holiday yet @HitTheLight? How did the rest of the break go for you all?

Laurmolonlabe · 26/08/2024 10:02

That is unusual, hotels generally love booking.com because they get all of the money paid-maybe they pay a fee, but I was put onto booking.com years ago by a small hotel owner who couldn't survive on the money he got from travel agents. An hotel may save a small fee if you book direct, but it is very rare to do so, only locals book direct generally, because you are not protected. It is the same as B&B's in Britain which are usually booked through a hotels website, when dealing with international customers-your hotel should be used to this, if you make a mistake you can have problems no matter who you book with-I have found booking.com very good when there is a problem.

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