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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 22/08/2024 12:14

I can't understand why your sister and her husband don't want to take their children out and about with them, most of us wouldn't disappear for hours on holiday leaving our children behind. A family holiday surely includes any children who would love going to different places, eating in cafes and the like.

From what you have said, you are not being unreasonable. You're as entitled as anyone to go out and about. Your parents, stuck with the children, probably missed you which is why they joined in a bit with your sister's moan. However you have done nothing wrong.

Longma · 22/08/2024 12:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

alwaysmovingforwards · 22/08/2024 12:43

I’ve not got anything to add to the discussion. But it’s been an excellent reminder of why we politely decline any ideas about holidaying with friends or family.

Garlicnaan · 22/08/2024 12:50

2sisters · 17/08/2024 20:15

They wanted a child free holiday. It's not a family holiday. They wasn't upfront about their childcare expectations. I think pitching it as a family holiday was very dishonest. You are basically the help and they are pissed off that you made them actually parent their own children. Why does it matter if you chose to eat out and spend you ownoney on a meal? Haven't they been spending money outside in their excursions? Honestly, fuck them I'd go out every day and take you poor mother with you.

Well yeah this exactly.

They should have paid a nanny to go with them instead (or as well).

Mysinglepringle · 22/08/2024 12:56

She paid for your holiday, I didn't realise that meant you were a prisoner. Why the fuck didn't they just book a honeymoon and ask your parents to watch the brats?

rentersleaf · 22/08/2024 13:13

@HitTheLight how have things been since?

CheekySwan · 22/08/2024 13:37

I would say I thought you wanted us to all go on holiday together as a family to spend time together and celebrate, not to be bribed babysitters

Longma · 22/08/2024 13:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Naunet · 22/08/2024 14:29

Your sister is taking the absolute piss, entitled little bugger, and if your dad isn’t willing to do any baby sitting himself, because it’s womens work, then he should stay out of it. Honestly I’d be spending every bloody day out of the hotel after that and if she dared to complain again, I’d stop helping her out so much when you get home too.

Madamum18 · 22/08/2024 14:34

I think your sister and BiL are being very unreasonable. Your parents are being lactating towards your sister who is clearly a somewhat "powerful" personality!

I think you might have avoided some of this rather over the top unpleasantness by asking for a family discussion; stating that you would like to go out around the island; asking who would like to come too and discussing also how childcare would be covered.

Having said that I suspect your sister would still have had a go. Hope it can be sorted amicably but I suggest you stop apologising ; say that you enjoyed the day out; thank them for bringing you here which gave you the chance to do that. Say that you understand they are annoyed which is their prerogative but you feel that one day to sightseeing feels entirely reasonable to you. If relevant say that you are surprised she didnt let 9 year old go with you; say you didnt suggest the younger children as they would not have enjoyed in the same way. And then just leave it.

Madamum18 · 22/08/2024 14:51

.....placating not lactating!! 🤣

LBFseBrom · 22/08/2024 18:51

Madamum18 · 22/08/2024 14:51

.....placating not lactating!! 🤣

'Lactating' sounds very soothing though, Madam. I can imagine them all sitting in a meadow and ..... lactating together.

Madamum18 · 22/08/2024 19:18

LBFseBrom · 22/08/2024 18:51

'Lactating' sounds very soothing though, Madam. I can imagine them all sitting in a meadow and ..... lactating together.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

mugglewump · 23/08/2024 10:50

It seems like your family don't communicate well. Your DS could have said part of the big family holiday would mean looking after all the children as they wanted some honeymoon time together. And the rest of you could have arranged for each couple to have some time away from the resort to do your own thing. Even with an age range of children, four is plenty to keep them occupied. Even one couple should be able to look after six cousins for a few hours (apologies if that sounds too much, but as a teacher I am used to having c. 30). IMHO, you were not unreasonable to spend some time away from resort because everyone needs a bit of time to themselves and I imagine the time inside the complex was becoming repetitive/claustrophobic. However, it would have been better if you had involved everyone in your plans beforehand and suggested that everybody gets to have some time to do their own thing. It's the unilateralness of what you did that has caused the bad feeling. Lastly, there is no reason to lay a guilt trip on someone who chooses to miss an AI meal - it's such a tiny part of the whole package.

JenJuni · 23/08/2024 13:12

She is being unfair. I assume you guys have used your annual leave too?

Sti · 24/08/2024 17:51

I wish people would write words and not abbreviate, AF, DC, DH, What does it all mean.
Another bad thing that's come over from the states

Laurmolonlabe · 24/08/2024 18:13

Well personally I think she is "fucking cheeky" to invite you on holiday and expect 24 hr childcare from you, whether she paid or not.
An all-inclusive prison is still a prison-you might as well be at a Centerparc with a sun lamp if you can't go outside and explore.
Personally I'd leave and find a B&B somewhere else on the island-I recommend booking.com. then just go from there to the airport.
You are not going to persuade them they are anything other than lord and lady bountiful, so I wouldn't try, your Mum won't back you up because she is hardwired to "love " looking after the kids-so don't look for support- just leave, enjoy the rest of your holiday, and let them stew.

ClemenceD · 24/08/2024 21:09

The only quibble I might have is on behalf of your parents and your brother and his girlfriend. You might have discussed having a rota for each couple to have one day/evening out while the others covered the children for them. You don't owe anything to your cheeky sister who bamboozled all of you into babysitting, but you need to be fair to your "fellow prisoners."

AuntBunny69 · 24/08/2024 23:43

Could someone please tell me what CF means on here? MTIA xx

floatingislands · 25/08/2024 00:04

AuntBunny69 · 24/08/2024 23:43

Could someone please tell me what CF means on here? MTIA xx

Cheeky Fucker - someone who takes advantage.

echt · 25/08/2024 00:08

Sti · 24/08/2024 17:51

I wish people would write words and not abbreviate, AF, DC, DH, What does it all mean.
Another bad thing that's come over from the states

All of this standard for Mumsnet and there's section to help you: Site Stuff.

By the way, your username is an abbreviation Grin

floatingislands · 25/08/2024 00:11

Here's the list of the usual:

Acronyms List | Mumsnet

Sti · 25/08/2024 00:12

Not according to my birth certificate,
Sti is me

SunflowersMidwinter · 25/08/2024 01:12

Not only are YNBU, but I'm pleased you took the incitive and enjoyed a day out.

HelmholtzWatson · 25/08/2024 06:45

You're getting a free holiday and most of the all-inclusive resorts are set up for entertaining children, so i doubt you are that burdened.

Your sister is being cheeky, but then who "announces" they are doing something? Why not just ask?