Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
Alwayswonderedwhy · 17/08/2024 18:09

Yanbu. They should've made it clear they wanted childcare before you accepted them paying. Expecting you to stay in the resort is just weird, most people want to explore and eat out.

HyggeTygge · 17/08/2024 18:09

Trox · 17/08/2024 18:04

So, you've paid for flights out to a babysitting gig with a running buffet?

Ha, that's basically it!

StormingNorman · 17/08/2024 18:09

Not cheeky at all.

Your DSis invited you all as babysitters and when you went out for the day you spoilt their plans. Out of interest, did your DSis and BIL stay home that day to share childcare?

Your dad was probably pissed because your mum had to do even more childcare than normal. His anger shouldn’t be directed at you though.

EmberAsh · 17/08/2024 18:10

Did your mum know about the plan to be childcare?

RockyRogue1001 · 17/08/2024 18:10

I'm gobsmacked by their CFery.

Theirs, not yours to be clear

Different if they'd been upfront about it before you went

Deebee90 · 17/08/2024 18:10

They clearly brought you as babysitters so the only cheeky people is them. They should have paid for a holiday with a holiday club If they wanted to explore. Go out and explore. Ignore them , you don’t owe them anything .

Candleabra · 17/08/2024 18:10

Oooo they’ve been very cheeky! Setting up a trip of a lifetime when in reality they wanted you there to look after the children all the time.

DadJoke · 17/08/2024 18:11

Aside from your comments which were said the the heat of the moment, you’ve done nothing wrong. You sis is being pretty high and mighty.

”I am sorry I misunderstood your intentions - I had no idea that you expected us to stay all
week” is reasonable thing to say.

Differentstarts · 17/08/2024 18:12

Your not their nanny if she wanted this she should of hired one.

TokyoSushi · 17/08/2024 18:14

Oh wow, what a nightmare, of course you aren't wrong!

How long have you got left? I'd be counting the hours and would never go away with her again!

WeeOrcadian · 17/08/2024 18:15

Paying for the flights / holiday doesn't equal childcare

They're both CF and should've been open about their plans and the fact that they want childcare

DodoTired · 17/08/2024 18:15

Wow your sister is quite cheeky!

can you pay her back to make a point?

Wasntmeanttobelikethis · 17/08/2024 18:16

Feel most sorry for your mum, who was probably really looking forward to a rare family holiday, and ends up being the babysitter
Sister had obviously planned it all in her head, and when you ‘dared’ to go against her plans, she had a strop
Take your mum out for the day; leave sister with the kids!

DogsDinner · 17/08/2024 18:18

I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. There's 6 extra adults to look after their kids for 6 hours a day.

Surely you could have managed this between you and still had plenty of free time?

It is their honeymoon, they've paid for an expensive holiday for everyone. I don't think it's unreasonable to fit in with their plans somewhat.

Danikm151 · 17/08/2024 18:18

Not cheeky at all!
A gift shouldn’t come with strings attached. If you were expected to stay in the hotel all week you could have stayed at home for alot cheaper. The point of a holiday is to explore too!

itsgettingweird · 17/08/2024 18:20

You paid to fly there - you want to see the place you paid to fly to.

I'm taking it she doesn't actually care that she's paid to eat in the hotel but is out for 6 hours a day and not eating there?

It was a mistake to mention your mum babysitting. That wasn't your battle to have but I agree with why you're angry about it.

But the truth of the matter is likely that they know they are taking the piss with their "holiday". They didn't pay for you all to go away together and spend time together. They paid for childcare and they know it's obvious and are more angry now you've pointed it out - despite it being obvious.

Candleabra · 17/08/2024 18:20

DogsDinner · 17/08/2024 18:18

I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. There's 6 extra adults to look after their kids for 6 hours a day.

Surely you could have managed this between you and still had plenty of free time?

It is their honeymoon, they've paid for an expensive holiday for everyone. I don't think it's unreasonable to fit in with their plans somewhat.

I think this would be fine - if it had been discussed and agreed in advance before it was booked - with no pressure to come on the holiday if people didn’t like the idea.

user1471538283 · 17/08/2024 18:20

You were the staff!

I don't like all inclusive but on the few times we've done it we've also explored and eaten out. I don't see the point of just sitting in a resort.

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 17/08/2024 18:21

Not cheeky at all. I'm currently on an AI holiday and will have a car for 3 days to get out and see the island, you're not prisoners because your AI. Your sister is being odd and should have ASKED if you can all help with childcare in exchange for the holiday.

SalmonEile · 17/08/2024 18:21

DogsDinner · 17/08/2024 18:18

I do think you're being a bit unreasonable. There's 6 extra adults to look after their kids for 6 hours a day.

Surely you could have managed this between you and still had plenty of free time?

It is their honeymoon, they've paid for an expensive holiday for everyone. I don't think it's unreasonable to fit in with their plans somewhat.

I think that would be ok if the couple had told the others this upfront

Grammarnut · 17/08/2024 18:21

I don't think it was unreasonable to go out for the day. SiL ought to have been more upfront about expecting baby-sitting in return for 'free' holiday.
NB Why can't DC be around in the evening and why does DM always have to sit with them - I'm not suggesting leaving them alone, but sharing the care between about 8 people?
Off thread, but why do people call getting married quietly with only witnesses an 'elopement'? My late DH eloped with his first wife, who was 20 at the time and he was 21. His partner's parents disapproved of their marriage as late DH was not 'good enough for their DD'. They left home secretly, had a friend post a letter for them from London, and went to Edinburgh (because Scottish law allows marriage to those over 16 without parental permission) and established residence whilst both families thought they were in London. Got married and came back to the music. That's an elopment.

itsgettingweird · 17/08/2024 18:22

Trox · 17/08/2024 18:04

So, you've paid for flights out to a babysitting gig with a running buffet?

Nailed it in a sentence 😂

ObelixtheGaul · 17/08/2024 18:23

They didn't pay for you all to have a lovely holiday at all. They paid for you to babysit for them whilst they were on honeymoon. That wouldn't have been so bad if they had been up front with you and said, 'we want to have a honeymoon, if we pay for the hotel, would you come and babysit?'
I am guessing they didn't think any of you would have the kids for a week so schemed to put you all in a position where you felt obliged because of their generosity.

EI12 · 17/08/2024 18:23

Well done for leaving the resort and your sis and her hubby are liars - they wanted servants at a resort and did not say so. There was a poster here, saying 'my MIL babysits and I allow it because I want a bond between dc and gran'. People are bloody liars, they want a servant like with that MIL but they are scared to say so, they pretend something is not what it is. Well done for leaving the resort and they are in the wrong.

FuckMeUpFlorida · 17/08/2024 18:23

I hate this type of mind-reading but without saying anything, so you're just expected to know what the deal is, only for the other side to get pissy when it doesn't go their way.