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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not spend the whole week in the All-Inclusive that my sister paid for? She called me a CF

438 replies

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 17:48

I’ve ruffled a few feathers in the family but I personally don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong. My sister eloped with her lovely DH in March, they’ve been together over a decade and have 3 children already so they didn’t see the point in a big white wedding. They invited us all to lunch the day after to tell us the news then surprised us saying they wanted to take us all on holiday to a lovely all-inclusive. Invited on the holiday (other than them and their DC, obviously) was me, my DP, our brother and his girlfriend, and my parents. Her DH is Australian and his family are over there hence why his side of the family weren’t included.

They were very generous. We were only expected to pay for flights but that was fine given it’s a destination covered by dirt
cheap RyanAir flights. My parents have always been quite poor so the idea of a holiday abroad was a real novelty for them. We were all incredibly grateful, lots of hugs and tears over the dinner table.

We’re on the holiday now, 5 days in and it has been quite stressful. Sister and her DH have left the resort every day together so far for “couple time” leaving us with the DC for 6+ plus. They said it’s a wedding celebration combined with their honeymoon hence why they want time alone during the day but to then come and drink with us on the evenings (though my poor DM is usually stuck in the hotel room with sleeping children). One child is a toddler so it’s been hard work. My parents, me and my brother have been splitting childcare mostly. Nobody feels as though they can say anything because Dsis and her DH paid for the holiday.

Me and my DP have been getting a bit bored, and yesterday at breakfast we announced we were going out for the day. We’re on a gorgeous island in the Mediterranean with so much history and culture and we wanted to explore. We announced we were going to look at some buildings and then eat out for the evening and that we’d see everyone later. Nothing was said. We said anyone was welcome to come but nobody fancied where we were going.

When we got back we headed to our usual spot where we tend to congregate for evening drinks. We noticed a vibe from everyone so I asked what was up. Dsis then said she found it “fucking cheeky” for us to leave the resort for dinner when she has already “paid for all of your meals” and that she felt I was ungrateful. My dad said me and DH seemed off at breakfast and he also felt it was a bit cheeky of us to announce we wanted to get out of the hotel for the day. I tried to apologise and state that it’s been lovely and we adore the hotel but that we just want to see the island, but a few drinks had been had and it got heated (I did end up feeling quite hurt so made a comment about how they have used mum for childcare, which didn’t go down well) so everyone went to bed. I tried to reconcile at breakfast this morning but there was still a lot of tension, so we’ve mainly been in our rooms.

Were we cheeky?

OP posts:
Turfwars · 19/08/2024 22:05

I learned the hard way to never accept a holiday someone else pays for. In my entire life that one holiday was the most unpleasant and boring holidays I have ever had.

She is being a CF. Never go anywhere with her ever again.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/08/2024 22:40

How was today OP?

VickyPollard25 · 19/08/2024 23:44

theduchessofspork · 17/08/2024 23:29

Oh for heavens sake, no it isn’t child neglect in the UK or anywhere. Madeleine McCann was a rare and tragic case - kids very very occasionally get snatched from home or on the way to school or whatever, you can’t run your life around such a remote possibility.

You have to kidding. Madeline McCann would still be alive today if her parents were not neglectful, selfish, terrible human beings who left their children alone in a hotel room so they could go off drinking with their friends. This is the definition of neglect and they should be in prison.

blueshoes · 20/08/2024 00:10

OP has probably gone back by now.

Aria999 · 20/08/2024 01:28

@HitTheLight what happened? Did you talk to them about it or is it all still just very uncomfortable?

inappropriateraspberry · 20/08/2024 13:46

So they are 'allowed' to leave the resort and do whatever they want, but god forbid anyone else does the same? So cheeky! I'd be going out every day from now on.

Grammarnut · 20/08/2024 18:04

VickyPollard25 · 19/08/2024 23:44

You have to kidding. Madeline McCann would still be alive today if her parents were not neglectful, selfish, terrible human beings who left their children alone in a hotel room so they could go off drinking with their friends. This is the definition of neglect and they should be in prison.

I think they were mistaken to leave their children in an unlocked room, 80 yds away from them. I would not do it and nor would any member of my family - but we are working-class and keep our children near us, have them join in with the evening meal and entertainment, and if necessary hire a babysitter. We don't leave them alone. Nevertheless, I do not blame the McCanns' for behaviour I would classify as pretty stupid, and for which they (and their DD) paid a high price. I do blame the resort they were staying at, which had concealed that apparently there had been a known paedophile in the area fairly recently - Amity denying the shark.

Strugglingforanamechange · 22/08/2024 07:52

yanbu she has paid for you all to be there for childcare and dressed it up as a gift. She’s a cf. I have done this myself but I was upfront with my parents and asked them if they would accompany us on a trip to London in order to provide childcare on two out of 3 evenings as we had tickets to a show and a new born baby. I paid for all travel and accommodation. My intention was also to pay for all meals but we ended up splitting them.

rentersleaf · 22/08/2024 08:15

Are you home yet @HitTheLight ?

Welshmonster · 22/08/2024 08:19

They feel they have paid for to childcare and entitled to your time. Your parents haven’t been abroad and are stuck babysitting rather than making use of this opportunity. If they wanted a Honey moon they should have asked for kids to stay and be looked after at home.

you already save them
a fortune on childcare with their shifts and so they owe you as if you withdrew your goodwill then they would be stuck

Tiddlywinkly · 22/08/2024 09:24

Wait, so they get to go out and have lunches away from the resort, but you're not 'allowed' to?!

Their behaviour sounds really weird. What is said when they're heading out? Do they ask or is it assumed that they can just leave their kids? If the latter, why is no one pulling them up on it? Has anyone raised the option to have a big day out all together as discussed pre-holiday? Seems like there's some communication issues on all fronts.

user1492757084 · 22/08/2024 09:29

You are not unreasonable but perhaps you should suggest that you three other couples take turns to escape and explore for half days every single day, as you loved what you saw so much.
Encourage the lot of you to make better plans for the remainder of the holiday.
Can each couple take one child?
Can the couple going out take one child with them, leaving two kids for the others?

Remember to thank your sister for the holiday.

pinkspeakers · 22/08/2024 10:01

VickyPollard25 · 19/08/2024 23:44

You have to kidding. Madeline McCann would still be alive today if her parents were not neglectful, selfish, terrible human beings who left their children alone in a hotel room so they could go off drinking with their friends. This is the definition of neglect and they should be in prison.

This is an awful thing to say.

Gowlett · 22/08/2024 10:05

Do you have no kids? Then, your sister thinks that you do not “deserve” a break. However, you should have discussed your plans at breakfast, rather than announce them. Ave you should have returned for dinner together. It’s a family holiday.

pinkspeakers · 22/08/2024 10:08

It sounds as if you all need to communicate better. You're not being unreasonable at all to want to spend some of your holiday exploring the local area and eating elsewhere. Your sister is certainly being unreasonable if she expects to go out every day while the rest of you stay on site and look after her children without discussing it in advance. But you are unreasonable to "announce" at breakfast that you are going to go out for the day. It shouldn't be an "announcement", it should be a conversation about what you would (quite reasonably) like to do and how to make it work as well as possible for everyone else too.

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/08/2024 10:11

Nonsense. OP doesn't need anyone's permission to make plans to go out with her partner.

Ffs22 · 22/08/2024 10:21

pinkspeakers · 22/08/2024 10:01

This is an awful thing to say.

It’s true. If it had been anyone else they would’ve been charged with neglect at the very least.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 22/08/2024 10:27

Anyone else thinking the sister has gone bezerk and killed the OP?

crosstalk · 22/08/2024 10:28

@MaryEllenWaldron Going back to the 55 year old grandfather who thinks children are women's work - you said that was more the 70 year olds. While there were plenty of dinosaurs among the current 70 year olds, plenty of men were looking after infants/children in the Sixties/Seventies .....

ChaToilLeam · 22/08/2024 10:30

This holiday is one hell of a bait ‘n’ switch. They offered you a trip, you accepted, they neither own or employ you.

DSis & her husband are CF and taking advantage of your mum.

VotesForWomen · 22/08/2024 10:47

HitTheLight · 17/08/2024 20:08

We’re quite stunned to be honest by the whole thing. They are usually really attentive parents in the UK. I babysit often but that’s because of their shift patterns and because I adore the kids. I’ve never felt taken advantage of at home, I’m the godmother of one of the children. But they just weren’t honest about their intentions for the holiday, they spoke about all the great things in the area we’d be going and implied we’d all go together. But they just sod off out and leave us at the hotel with their kids. The fact that they have paid for this holiday seems to have bought out another side to them.

I don't understand why nobody has said to them "excuse me but are you taking your kids today or are you just assuming that we will have them again? Because to just assume without actually asking is pretty darn rude, no matter how much we love your kids."

I also think you should have had a direct conversation with her after her appalling behaviour "calling you out" on going out for the day. I understand being stunned in the moment but this is over the course of several days now.

VotesForWomen · 22/08/2024 10:48

And I don't think you dragged your mum into it. You called your sister out on her assuming your mum was up for childcare every night without having actually asked.

user8634563290 · 22/08/2024 11:02

No such thing as a free lunch OP, or in this case free holiday!

Grammarnut · 22/08/2024 11:23

user8634563290 · 22/08/2024 11:02

No such thing as a free lunch OP, or in this case free holiday!

That's true. But it was offered as a free lunch and then turned out to have chains attached.

muggletops · 22/08/2024 12:00

Very wrong on their part - who do they think they are??? If my sister had behaved like that (paid holiday or not) I would have kicked off too. Well, they have shot themselves in the foot now as you know not to go on holiday with them again. They will have to 'look after' their own children next time. Shame the 9yo missed out - not good parenting on their part at all, they should take him themselves and the other two see how they get on!