To tell MIL she can't hold baby

[FreightTrain]

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

When she asks to hold the baby say ‘I noticed you’re ill - you sound it and you’re having cough sweets. I’m really sorry but we don’t want the baby getting ill so you’ll have to wait til next time to hold her/him’. Any reasonable person would understand that.

Or break it up into 2 interactions - ‘oh MIL, you’re not looking well, poor you’ then if/when asks to hold the baby ‘we don’t want to baby to get ill, sorry’.

My first port of call would be to get DH to do that but I’d have those up my sleeve for if necessary!

Has your baby not been exposed to anybody with a cough or cold for 7 weeks?

You’re being a bit precious. Would you say the same if it was your own mum?

OP will be moaning in a few years that the GP have no interest in their grandchildren!

The baby will be fine. It's very unusual for a baby to pick up an illness that young as they have immunity from you which usually lasts 6 months.

No I don't think she has

A 7 week old baby will still have antibodies from you. Cold sores transmit by contact so if she washes her hands and doesn't kiss the baby it's fine. My father used to get cold sores. I have never had one.

Cold sores are nothing to do with a cold. Fair enough if you don't want the baby to catch the latter, but you'll confuse the issue if you bring up the former.

A cold sore and a cold are two totally different things.

Do you worry about health generally?

100% and it would be a lot easier to say as she isn't huffy

It should be common sense if you’re unwell to not hold a vulnerable infant who doesn’t have a developed immune system yet. Unfortunately it’s not.

You are NOT being precious. A simple cold for an adult can be life threatening for a baby.

I wouldn’t offer your baby to hold and if she asks, just gently point out she doesn’t seem well, so it’s best we don’t take chances with LO, but she can make up cuddles next time

Tell her she can’t hold your baby.

You’re going over board.

If you are in the same closed environment or the day, surely there is a chance your DC or you will pick up any potential germs? Even if they don't hold them?

One of the hard things with babies is the difficulty of keeping them away from illnesses but they are also need to be exposed and face illnesses to build up an immune system...

No problem with her holding the baby just ask her to not get the baby near her face / kiss it . I get cold sores , always have , neither of my children have ever had one and they are adults . Bit ridiculous going to visit family and then say they can’t hold the baby .

I do feel for you OP as it’s a big worry when new babies are Ill, my own dd picked so horrendous cold from a sibling when she was a few days old and my ds was hospitalised with flu when he was 4 weeks so I’ve definitely been there! But at some point you would have to accept that they will pick up many many virus over the next few year and trying to prevent it entirely would do more harm than good. By 7 weeks babies are a lot more robust than a true newborn when it comes to colds. The cold sore issue is completely different though and I would be very careful around that.

Could just be hay-fever.

"I'm sorry-but you obviously have a cold-you'll have to wait til next time to hold the baby"

Repeat if necessary.

To be clear: I'm aware a cold sore and a cold are two different things 😂 . I was just giving context / it's a Sod's Law scenario!

I don't worry about health generally I just don't really want to be caring for an ill baby if avoidable.

My baby caught a cold from a visitor who hid they were unwell at two weeks old. Ended up jaundiced as couldn’t feed properly due to blocked nose and extreme lethargy.

Any immunity lasts for around 8wks hence why vaccinations start then. You also can’t pass on immunity for a common cold, which can have severe consequences for a baby, yet be a minor inconvenience for an adult.

yes they aren’t directly connected but if you have a cold it can make you feel run down and affect your resistance etc, and that’s quite often when a cold sore will flare up - not always though.

If someone is clearly unwell, common sense says not to hold a baby. The cold sore thing is ridiculous. I get cold sores regularly and I didn’t avoid holding my dc’s as babies because I had one. Neither of them have had cold sores.

Not true. I often get cold sores when I am run down/have a cold

Hmm, my ds caught a coldsore from me when he was about 5 months old, despite me not having an active coldsore since he was born. I had a virus type bug. Then DS had what we thought was thrush in his mouth, then h,f,m then doctor diagnosed coldsores. And because his mouth was sore his latch went to shit, I got thrush and then mastitis.

Doctor said its possible to shed the coldsore virus when you are ill without having an active coldsore. So at 7 weeks old I'd be very careful. I'd not make it about the coldsores tho as people get very defensive. Just make it about her being ill.