To tell MIL she can't hold baby

[FreightTrain]

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

Are you aware that the herpes simplex virus can be fatal to babies? Doesn't sound ridiculous to me.

That's because you are rn down not because the two virus,s are related, I used to get tonsillitis frequently when I was run down or stressed.

If she doesn't kiss the baby and doesn't cough/sneeze into babies face, it's going to be fine.

🙄

Two totally different viruses. If you're run down from one the other may be more likely to flare up, but they are separate infections that you're unfortunate enough to have at the same time.

I would not hold a 7 week old baby if I had a cold.

This. Clearly just enjoying goading her knowing she wants to hold her grandchild. Don’t expect any childcare favours in the future ehh.

Ops mil has had cold sores in the past. No where does it say that she has an active one now, or that she was planning on kissing the baby with a cold sore mouth. 70% of people carry the virus.
So is that 70% of people who should never have contact with a baby.

With kindness OP, how do you think babies develop an immune system? What happens if you or your husband become ill? Do you not touch the baby?

Unless your baby is immuno compromised, you are being a bit precious.

You're getting a hard time OP but I agree with you. I've always thought that people with colds should be more careful & I wouldn't want my baby near one. I thought this long before COVID.

OP, please do ignore anyone telling you that you’re being sensitive, over the top, or over board. I’m a paediatric nurse and look after lots of babies that become unwell with respiratory virus’.

I would never advise parents to keep their babies at home, not socialise or see friends/family or avoid going anywhere to prevent their babies becoming poorly. That would be over the top.

Avoiding someone holding your baby who is obviously unwell is just plain sensible. At such a young age, getting a cold can have a really big impact, it can affect feeding, lead to dehydration and hospital admissions. Of course some babies catch colds and are fine after a few days of being snuffly but there are some that become more unwell. If you can avoid that risk by simply asking someone who is showing symptoms of illness not to hold your baby then I don’t understand why anyone would tell you not to do that.

Why would people be more concerned about the MIL’s feelings than the babies health? It doesn’t make sense. No one would be holding my baby with obvious symptoms of illness.

why would she want the baby to get ill? I don’t go around hugging my family members when I’m poorly.

I wouldn’t. Why make a small baby miserable with a bug if avoidable. I would never hold a baby if I was sick, common sense. She won’t be the one up with a crying baby that can’t latch properly because they are sick, using a snot sucker to try clear their nose etc, etc.

You're not being unreasonable, but you do need to handle it delicately. I've got an oblivious husband as well - pull him aside and explain your thoughts in simple words

Colds can be spread through aerosols so she can catch her cold by being in the room. Outside is safer.

YANBU. My DD got bronchiolitis and was taken into hospital because of contact with someone with a cold. Of course it can't always be helped (siblings) but if she is unwell she should have delayed meeting your baby a couple of days.

Yes exactly. When I’m sick and people go to hug me/shake hands when I’m sick I say “I’m sick, I’ll keep my distance”. Common courtesy. But it’s mumsnet with loads of mil’s and mums of sons that wail everytime a MIL is denied her wants over a baby or mums needs.

Colds are contagious through touch and airborne droplets when coughing or sneezing. I’ve caught numerous colds and never had anyone cough or sneeze into my face, ever.

I'm with you. Colds are horrid for really small babies. Importantly, until about 5 months old babies are 'obligate nose breathers' - so they CAN'T breathe through their mouths. A stuffy nose is a real problem for a small baby in a way it is not for an older baby or child.

MIL should have told you she was unwell before you arrived as a newborn doesn't need exposure to a cold. If a newborn catches RSV, it can lead to hospitalisation.

Also, cold sores are very dangerous for a newborn too.

You should be leaving and not staying any longer.

@otravezempezamos there's one goader here and it isn't me my friend. 🙄🫠

I wouldn't have came if we'd been given the heads up that she was ill.

It isn't unreasonable for a summer born 7 week old to have not been exposed to a cold virus.

Please take @Bumpingaround's advice and ignore anyone who says you are being over protective or precious.

It’s just sensible not to hold a baby when you are ill. Only on mumsnet will people say otherwise.
“ I had the plague and I held a newborn and they were fine”

I would text husband. She’s clearly ill. We are leaving. Tell her we wouldn’t have come had she said. Ask him to finish lunch and load up car!