To tell MIL she can't hold baby

[FreightTrain]

Just arrived at in-laws with our 7w old DD, they've met her twice.

MIL gets cold sores, discussed with DH in car and asked him to be on look out for if she has one as she can't hold baby if so. Arrived, no cold sore but after being here ten mins it seems she is a bit ill. Sounds hoarse, nose a bit red, popping cough sweets. DH is an oblivious man so either hasn't noticed or hasn't put 2+2 together about it not being ideal to have our baby around her.

I've managed to escape the room that they're having lunch as baby needs fed. I want out of here asap and don't want her to hold baby. What do I do?!

Nope I’d be really angry visited or let us visit with a baby of any age especially that young. and hadn’t said they’re unwell and I definitely wouldn’t let them hold the baby. I’d stay as far away as possible. You are not being unreasonable at all and if you can just leave asap thats what I would do 100%. Ignore people saying you’re being silly, trust yourself and do what you are comfortable with

I think I'd leave, you should have been given the heads up. You shouldn't have to stay around anyone ill because they didn't bother telling you. Usually I'm the first to think people are being precious on here (I don't say that, I just often think it), but I don't think you are. Common decency to let someone know you're ill if they are coming to stay.

I think it is selfish not to explain in advance to guests or visitors if there are colds or viruses in the home.

I would not let someone with a cold hold a 7 week old baby. If they got huffy, I would leave. I may say I will be in touch with more dates to catch up, in the proviso that everyone is well.

I recently went to a big family meal with a 7 MONTH old. I felt perfectly fine but came down with a nasty COVID virus the next day. I felt horrible and very guilty. I would check with my family and let them know I have a cold before visiting or meeting up.

You're correct. I meant more that MIL could maybe hold the baby for couple minutes (after washing her hands obviously) rather than actually be involved in baby's care while ill if that makes sense.

Definitely not worth taking the risk with such a small baby.

I'm on the fence, it's just a cold and baby will probably be fine, needs to be exposed to some illnesses to build up immunity etc anyway - but also if you want to avoid it it's perfectly reasonable too. You are the mother and it's your call!

Just explain you don't want baby getting unwell, like you have here. It can impact feeding and sleep etc which can be horrible for you as well as baby. You can say it in a nice way as others have suggested above, but if MIL tries to push back then just say no and leave it at that, or you just leave. Ask her if her need for a cuddle comes before her granddaughter's health. If she's huffy - let her huff!

The issue is if MiL chooses to kiss the baby on the face/lips

And most sensible GPs would have told family that they weren't well before expecting to see a fairly new baby

I thought a cold sore could only be passed on to a baby if that person kissed them? Not just being held be them?

What would you do if it was YOU that had the cold sore out of interest?

Don't think the OP is the loon...

What antibodies for which cold virus?

I'm just thinking op if you or your DH had a cough /cold whi would look after baby?

YABU. How would you cope if you or DH got a cold?

I think it's fair enough to say "no kissing" but to say that the baby's grandma can't have a cuddle because she has the sniffles is ridiculous IMO.

What?

Even if it's you that's unwell .? So you won't hold your own baby,?

Be scrupulously clean and not kiss the baby

Don’t let her kiss your baby.

Do you have a sling/carrier? Could you put the baby in there and if she asks to hold blame it on the baby being grizzly today and say prob better not today?

I am not remotely precious about this stuff. But I instinctively keep away from close contact with anybody when I have a cold, never mind a newborn baby.

Just tell her not to kiss the baby? Surely?

It’s completely different if a caregiver is unwell.

When my husband and I had norovirus we still had to care for our children, we’d not take our children to a house we knew had a stomach bug going around though.

Sick parents still need to care for their babies, sick grandparents don’t need a cuddle.

Somwhy does that not apply to others

Well, people don't need lots of things.

I still can't imagine depriving a grandparent of a cuddle with their new grandchild over a minor cold. Each to their own, of course, but OP can't be surprised when it has a negative impact on their relationship.

My daughter caught a cold from her siblings as a newborn.

She's now a thriving 8 month old.

YABU. There is no real risk here

Yeah, definitely do this. And wait for all hell to break loose and to be blamed for ruining the relationship .