Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

[Dygger]

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

YANBU and your responses have been completely fair imo. Stick to your guns.

They are taking advantage of your good nature to benefit themselves. I would be very clear to them that it was their Choice to get rid of their cars. She may not want to waste money on taxis but her requests are costing you and extra 30 mins of your time and petrol money. Send her the bus timetable.

You’re not being unreasonable. Why should you taxi them around because they’ve made lifestyle decisions that mean ordinary driving isn’t possible? Tell both of them bicycles aren’t expensive 😉

YANBU! If it was on the way or not far out of the way i wouldn't mind giving them a lift but 15 minutes in the wrong direction is a ridiculous expectation! I wouldn't even have the cheek to ask someone for a lift in that scenario.

“I noticed”

😂 love it! YANBU, people will only take the piss if you let them

YANBU. I have friends with a camper van and a second car. They use the camper van as a normal vehicle - they were careful when choosing as they didn’t want to be restricted as to how/where they could drive the van.
If your t’ai chi friend lived en route to the class then it would be reasonable for her to ask for a lift. Surprised she’s thinks it’s okay in this instance as she lives in the other direction. It’s not your problem if she can’t make her own arrangements to get to class - she and her other half need to have a discussion!
Camper vans are great, but need a lot of research first. Buying a 22-year old van is daft.

I wouldn't have an issue giving anyone a lift if it was 'on the way' but 15 mins in the wrong direction is bonkers!
Cheeky moo!

Sorry campervan CF, but I cannot commit to 70 minutes of driving a week on what is for me a 30 minute round trip to the class.

Do they enrich your lives in other ways? Would you be sad or bereft to lose them as friends? If not then tell them both to get stuffed.

Your response "I noticed" was perfect.

Bizarre that your friend thinks it's reasonable for you to drive 15 mins out of your way to collect her. The very least she could do is get herself to your house for a life, but even then I guess she'd still want a lift home so it's still a pain for you.

Don't be a mug then? 💁🏻‍♀️

Just say no and that it will be a no from now on as you are not a taxi service.

'I noticed.' Brilliant response. 😂

If the CF dares to raise it again, be blunter. 'You don't want to waste your money on taxis so think it's perfectly reasonable to demand that I spend my time and money ferrying you about so you don't have to spend yours? Please explain your reasoning about why your decision to give up your car is my responsibility to sort for you, both financially and otherwise."

I still can't believe the sheer audacity of her telling you that you need to agree to take her or she won't go.

She must think she's enough of a prize to make it worth it, so good on her for that self confidence I suppose 😆

YANBU

Stop giving lifts and don't worry that they may be pissed off with you. That's their problem, not yours. They're not your friends.

Cant she cycle? A good warm up ready for the class!!!!

I know! Fantastic reply!!

Love it! Not your usual mumsnetter mug!

I have a campervan (old, frequently off the road but I love it) and also have a normal, cheap, small car AS WELL. I would only ever ask for a lift in an absolute emergency and telling a friend my engagement in a class is dependent on them giving me a lift out of their way is insanely rude.

Yanbu op!

YANBU. I don’t have a license and if I can’t get myself to it then I don’t commit to going to it. I’ve accepted lifts in the past when offered but even then I try and make it easy for the lift giver such as getting myself to their house or a convenient place along their journey. These CFs are just demanding a free taxi. Stand your ground.

I think you are missing a trick here. Point out how often she's used your car, and borrow her campervan for a weekend!

Good for you op.

Massive CF behaviour. We’re car free and sometimes that means taxis. It’s not “wasting money”, it’s utilising a very convenient and cheap service. Considerably cheaper per annum than running a car, too.

Your response was spot on, although the “I noticed” message was tantamount to a slap in British language usage! 😂 I don’t think she’ll be asking you for a lift again!

As a Moho owner I fully agree with you, people should weigh up all the points when buying a vehicle which won't be used for day to day transport.
Stick to your guns and if they get stroppy then it shows they were not real friends at all.

We used to have two cars and a moho but last year decided that we only needed one car.
Entirely our choice and we would NEVER ask someone to give one of us a lift if the car was in use, instead my OH would take the moho leaving me the car (I cant drive the Moho on my license).

I never understand these posts. Just say no from the start.

Nothing useful to add but I’m loving the use of Moho, I’ve not heard that before 😂