Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

[Dygger]

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

If they can afford an 80 grand camper, then they can afford a 2 grand banger to rattle around in.

Love your response! My answer to these kind of situations is always “choices”

dh makes noises about going from 2 cars to 1 in retirement, and my answer to that is that it’s his we’ll get rid of and he knows where the bus stop is

YANBU. And I would also wonder why Mrs Motorhome's husband always gets first dibs on the car when he has an activity. Surely it is a shared car so she should get to have it and him get a lift sometimes.

Just say no. My neighbour once started the same exercise class as me , I got a taxi each week and said oh we can share if you want ? She said yes and the first time I said just transfer me your half later on . She was shocked ! Said ‘you’re going anyway ? I won’t make it cost more !’

I would have lost my rag and replied “I’m not a flipping Uber driver” long before you started saying no. Good on you.

Great response

I bet she doesn't drive the moho!

Wonder if they also "wild camp", my town is overrun with moho's parked up as people don't want to pay for a campsite.

Of course not. She says thank you and that she really appreciates me helping her out, but no — no gestures of thanks. And of course she appreciates me helping her out and saving her taxi money! There's no way in the world I'd ever be allowed to use their camper van. I've only been allowed in it, briefly, to admire its wonders. I'm pretty sure he's the only one who drives it.

Bloody cheek! What did you say?

Money on taxis isn't wasted if its needed is it?

Agree with all previous comments and your fabulous response, op. But also - does no one offer their friends petrol money anymore?

@Dygger So she has said “she didn't want to waste money on taxis” — you responded by saying “'I noticed.'”

Your response is spot on, well done for not allowing a CF to use you unlike thousands of others on Mumsnet for her own benefit!

Seems she doesn’t want to use her money to get to the class she wants to attend, but does want you to use your money (and time) to get her to the class she wants to attend. It’s quite funny that she feels you should pay for her decision to get rid of her car!

This ^

This would only work if they offered to loan you the van in exchange. I don’t suppose that has ever been on the table?

I wouldn't mind giving the odd lift but when it becomes an expectation, it also becomes a chore. Their lack of forward planning doesn't entitle them to demand a free taxi service from their friends.

How far is the distance between her house and the class in miles?

"She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed."

😂Hahahaha...brilliant response.

It's so refreshing to read that an OP is not prepared to put up with CF's and to respond to them accordingly. Love it.

THIS!!!!!
E bikes are game changers.

Good for you! Your friend needs to arrange with her husband when she needs to use the car, that's something they need to sort out between themselves. Not your problem!

Id think that if you are travelling 15 minutes by car in one direction to pick her up - that's got to be about 4 miles in a car.

Thats 8 miles per week extra driving to take her to class - so at 50p per miles its going to add up to £4 a week, wear, tear, depreciation and fuel. Over 30 weeks of the year thats £120 a year extra to go to a class

Well done, Dygger. She's got a problem entirely of her own making and is now trying to blame you for it! Is she in a management job?

As an aside, for me, the Moho is the Mohorovicic Discontinuity, the boundary between the Earth's crust and mantle. Yup, I'm a geologist!

“I noticed” did make me laugh out loud 🤣

Please don't tell me she gives nothing for petrol

Surely the conversation should look like I can commit to doing half the trips to take us if you can commit to doing the other half in the car that you have, otherwise I'm afraid it doesn't work for me.

Thats what OP state in one of her previous posts

If Mrs Motorhome doesn't like driving the camper van then she needs to arrange with her husband that he uses it when she wants the car.

I think your answer to her was spot on. Can't believe she never offered you petrol money.