Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

[Dygger]

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

Total CF's!!! Love your responses op!

YANBU. I don't drive and we only have one car, so if I need to be somewhere not accessible by public transport, I organise it with my husband to make sure he's free and can take me, or I don't go. If someone offers me a lift I'm very grateful for that but I don't organise my social life expecting others to facilitate me getting there.

I'll do anything to help anyone until it becomes expected, and then it really irritates me.
When DD was born I had a friend I met at a baby group, her work was walking distance so she didn't have a car. I offered a few timed to pick her up and I genuinely didn't mind until she started to be closer to other people in the group. This was fine, but she'd still message me, use me for a lift, then disappear off.
Sometimes it was on my way. More often it was not.
It came to a natural end as we all filtered back to work but I'm annoyed with myself even now, years later, that I was used, especially as we lost touch not long after, so I seemed to mean very little to her anyway!

Only read the op, but well done!! If they want a taxi, they can pay for it (and why can’t Mrs motorhome husband give her lifts!)

We’re down to one car temporarily. In the meantime, if DH has the car and I need it too, the person going the shortest distance orders an Uber. I don’t CF rides off of people. 🙄

She doesn't want to waste money on taxi but OK to waste your time every week

Fifteen minutes by car, depending on the type of road, could be as little as a half an hour by bicycle. She'd get a nice warm-up enroute.

You don't need to do anything else op, just leave her twisting in the wind and carry on enjoying your Tai chi 😎

Camper vans are great, but need a lot of research first. Buying a 22-year old van is daft.

Not necessarily, as long as you check it out very thoroughly before buying. Some camper vans twice that age still go for a lot of money - largely because they're often only used for two or three weeks a year, so they have a very low mileage and minimal wear.

YANBU they are CF. Loving the comment about you noticing!

Incidentally, how would she react if you demanded to borrow their motorhome every time you wanted to go away, as "We don't want to waste money on hotels or holiday lets"?!

As PP said, it's only wasting money on taxis if you're getting one rather than bothering to walk for 5 minutes (if able-bodied) or forgetting to get your own car MoT'd in time etc. If you need a car for a trip and you don't have a car of your own, how is it a waste to hire one (with a driver)?

When I saw the thread title, I thought it was going to be about the kind of people who buy motorhomes for simplicity of travelling on holiday, but then expect the caravanners and campers to give them a lift into town or to the supermarket every day, as it's an enormous faff having to pack everything down and drive there in the moho.

It's just pure stupidity to swap an everyday runabout car for something that can't fulfil the same purpose, and then be surprised that you can't get around as easily or flexibly anymore.

This!

If she does come back to you op just say you're very sorry but you're not able to waste money on petrol to drive other people around.

I've had similar with motorbike owners. Yes, they have transport but there's nowhere to store the helmet, it's not worth getting all the gear on and off and on and off again to go 15 minutes, might get stolen, can't wear nice clothes etc etc. much easier (for them) for me to give them a lift

Love your I noticed reply.... nope why should you.. ?

15 minutes in the opposite direction works out as an hour extra per journey doesn't it? So 1hr40 driving time in total per class? Of course you wouldn't do that just for the dubious benefit of her company! How cheeky of her to think it's better to put you out than ask her own husband to use their car or pay for a taxi!

So you are wasting an hour of your evening every week, plus fuel and wear and tear on the car, to facilitate her attending? That would be a big fat no. She needs to tell her husband to organise his life so that she can use her car.

CF

I always give lifts, but 15 mins out of the way, I wouldn’t be impressed, especially since there’s never been any petrol money or bunch of flowers. People take the P. My dad (god rest his gentle soul) was such a kind man and became known as ‘Roy’s taxi’s’. People began to take advantage, as usually happens. One neighbour offered to take my parents for a Carvery to say thanks for numerous lifts to the station (30 min round trip). My mum said as my dad had 2 pints of bitter as he wasn’t driving for once, my mum said shall we pay half when the bill came (which was less than £30). Oh yes please came the answer! I even mentioned his nickname in my eulogy, shame that same neighbour had got lost on the way to the crem so didn’t show up! Not that it was an attack on her, but she might have thought oh yes that was me he gave lifts too. He wouldn’t say no, much to my mums anger, but he was a nice person and people take advantage of nice people.

Usually, not wasting money on something you see as frivolous means that you simply do without it - not just find an alternative that somebody can waste their money (and time) on, so that you still get all the same benefits yourself anyway.

I absolutely cannot fathom how entitled someone has to be to expect you to add 30 mins to your journey each time and not when offer any petrol money!

YANBU. I’d of also pointed out that whilst she’s wanting to not waste money on taxis, fuel isn’t free so it’s costing you more in money and time

Anyone else getting this ad 😂?

Yes, if this is the kind of decision she makes then unfortunately I can see why she doesn't have much dosh to play with.

To me a motorhome (or MoHo as I will call them from henceforth!) is a bigger, less wieldy beast than a campervan. Campervans are smaller and much more usable in every day life. When you buy a 'MoHo' you should be aware they can't be a proper second vehicle if they don't fit in most parking bays, won't go under 2m max headroom barriers and need everything secured before you can move off. I imagine it's just too much hassle for CF #1. Tough doo doo.

This would infuriate me. A class which is nearby and convenient suddenly becomes a far larger undertaking if you're going so far out of your way. It amazes me that the MoHo lady is so lacking in self-awareness.