Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

189 replies

Dygger · 16/08/2024 10:22

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 16/08/2024 13:56

she didn't want to waste money on taxis

But you are happy to tell me to waste my time and money on your behalf, so you can avoid doing this?

BlackShuck3 · 16/08/2024 14:05

"I wish I could give you a lift but the problem is it means wasting £x of my money and half an hour of my time.
What a coincidence, we both have the same problem that we don't want to waste our money, I can't see a solution can you?"

tuttuttutt · 16/08/2024 14:10

Your reply was great, definitely stick to your guns!

BMW6 · 16/08/2024 14:11

OP it really, REALLY isn't you that's been Cheeky!

Your response was absolutely PERFECT.

The bloody nerve of her!

ImaginaryCat · 16/08/2024 14:16

I'd have been more pissed off about the time than the money. You can always ask her for petrol money but you can't get back that hour of your week that you're giving up to be her chauffeur (assume the lifts are drop and pick up, so half hour round trip each way... that amount of time adds up!).

MeridianB · 16/08/2024 14:23

You are in the right, OP. Stick to your guns. They both sound cheeky and lacking in self awareness, esp the first one. I'd upgrade your 'can't promise anything' to a hard 'no' if she persists.

Vannymam · 16/08/2024 14:24

LookItsMeAgain · 16/08/2024 12:42

NBU - I'm surprised that it's taken you this long to mention something.
Why can't she get herself an eBike if the motor home isn't working out for her to go and do local trips?

Could you do the trip from her house to the venue in a taxi (just do it the once) so that you know how much to charge her for the trip if you decide to offer her a lift? Is there any reason she can't make her way to your home first and you just leave from there instead (again, only relevant if you want to offer her a lift in the first place).

I'd have to say "Look, Mildred, I am not a taxi. If I give you a lift it adds x time to my busy day and I just can't keep doing that. If you want to do tai chi you'll have to find your own way to the venue as I can't be expected to bring you. I'm sorry that you're finding having a motor home and no car difficult but that seems more like a you issue to fix and not a me issue to fix for you. Hope you'll be able to make the next term but I'll understand if you can't."

The bit about the e-bike is spot-on. I have a campervan but bought one small enough to run around in as DH needs our car for work.

If I don't fancy driving the van, I cycle or take the bus.

MeridianB · 16/08/2024 14:25

PS Do I understand it right that you are driving for an hour each week to collect and drop her off? (15 min in wrong direction there and back twice)? Not to mention your time. And not a murmur of petrol costs or a thank you gift? Wow!

Hummingbirdie · 16/08/2024 14:38

Good for you OP. I would be tempted to say how about you sell the motor home and buy a car and then you can have your classes back again? Wouldn’t that be great

Nourishinghandcream · 16/08/2024 14:41

"When I saw the thread title, I thought it was going to be about the kind of people who buy motorhomes for simplicity of travelling on holiday, but then expect the caravanners and campers to give them a lift into town or to the supermarket every day, as it's an enormous faff having to pack everything down and drive there in the moho."

@TheHangingGardensOfBasildon
Have you actually come across this?
I have admit that in all our decades (old, I know☹️) we have never seen or heard it.
We have a moderately large moho but when we want to move to go somewhere it only takes a few minutes to square away anything on the sides, unplug the EHU, wind in the awning and put the wheels on the ground. Anything outside (table, chairs, bikes, rug, dog pen etc stay in situ ready (locked together) for when we get back (never had anything pinched either).

Zahariel · 16/08/2024 14:41

WTF is wrong with you for even asking these things? Of course you're not a taxi, they don't like it, that's on them, not you!

IVbumble · 16/08/2024 14:58

RichmondReader · 16/08/2024 12:23

Motherfucker

Show quote history

😂

Runsyd · 16/08/2024 15:02

Chef's kiss for your 'I noticed' response. Just keep holding up that mirror so they can check out their rampant cheeky fuckery.

dbeuowlxb173939 · 16/08/2024 15:12

YANBU if she's 15 minutes away from you and she wants a lift there and back that's an hour extra to your journey every time!! Don't know how she's got the nerve, that's a right cheek!
I would have said I can't commit to every week too

Iwasafool · 16/08/2024 15:34

I wonder what they'd say if you said you'd like to borrow their vans for a little holiday.

Greenhedge1 · 16/08/2024 15:40

Superb response to a complete cheeky fxxker.
Not a chance I would be committing to driving 15 minutes in the wrong direction for someone.
That would get old, so quickly.

Bogasphodel · 16/08/2024 15:47

you are not unreasonable!! Campervans are a pain in the arse!! Have a similar mate, she is always having breakdowns and goes on about the costs. But she hardly works so doesn’t appreciate that people who have to be at work on time etc do not have the luxury of having unreliable vehicles

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/08/2024 15:54

I agree with others - excellent response from you “I noticed”.

Cant believe the cfery of some people

ThePoshUns · 16/08/2024 16:04

I love
' I noticed'
I shall save that one for future use.
And yes they are both taking the piss.

Ohnobackagain · 16/08/2024 16:17

@Dygger YANBU. You could even say ‘if you can get yourself to mine on the bus you’re welcome to come along and if you lived on the way it would be fine but I’m not driving 15 mins the other way to get you’.

Noshowlomo · 16/08/2024 17:10

“I’ve noticed” should be THE response to any CF from now on 🤛🏻

Fathomless · 16/08/2024 17:50

Noshowlomo · 16/08/2024 17:10

“I’ve noticed” should be THE response to any CF from now on 🤛🏻

'I've noticed' is the new 'no is a complete sentence'.

Moveoverdarlin · 16/08/2024 17:52

Love the ‘I noticed’ message. Boom!

MaggieFS · 16/08/2024 18:05

That is a fabulous reply.

Thevelvelletes · 16/08/2024 18:08

Dygger · 16/08/2024 10:22

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

Tell her to invest in a bus pass.