Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

[Dygger]

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

I'm tempted to get one just so that I can say 'my moho is a total mofo'.

Well done OP. Too many CFs out there who get away with it because a lot of people don't like potential conflict.

I would give her a lift if she came to your house and then got dropped off after the class at the same place. Expecting you to go out of your way is such entitled behaviour.

How about

'We really want to go on a touring holiday. It is all so awkward, but we don't want to waste money on a motorhome. Unless you lend us yours, I really don't think we will be able to go and I feel awful as DC SO looking forward to it :( "

Of course YANBU.
It's not your responsibility to routinely pick someone up, especially when it's well out of your way.

@SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname
Sorry, what is mofo?

That is so out of order. Where these people get the notion that they can have a luxurious motorhome and someone else will pay their way for not using a car now for something so ridiculously unimportant as tai chi

Motherfucker

£80k moho will depreciate faster than what she will spend money on taxis anyway. Not counting tax and insurance etc
Well thought out re running costs of moho and savings on normal car and hotels. Vanity purchase...

How is this on you and not her husband?! What a CF.

Tai chi is really important to me. It's hugely helped my flexibility and balance and is a really good form of exercise. Don't go dissing tai chi, please.

Mrs Motorhome has access to another car so should speak to her partner to make sure she can use it when required. Complete piss take otherwise. Honestly some people.

YANBU. I don't think most people mind helping out someone as a one off. But in both situations you describe they are "intentionally carless"! Stick to you guns, you it's ridiculous they did this to themselves. Mrs Motorhome needs to learn to drive it properly so it doesn't seem "inconvenient" or get a smaller car. The Romahome needs to learn that old vehicles fall apart and that's the reason they are cheaper. Their decisions are nothing to do with you.

I loved her response as well 😂

"I noticed" 😁👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Bravo OP, bravo!

The friend with the rickety Romahome is a bit different — doesn't have much dosh to play with — so I try to be more gentle with her

Unfortunately, this has been an expensive and unwise investment. It's kind of you to be gentle but unless you strongly drove her decision to do this, it's not your responsibility to rescue her from the consequences of that decision.

I would reply ‘happy to give lifts but tight on time that evening so if you can meet at my place we can go from there x x ‘

I think that poster was being tongue in cheek, as in that's what your cheeky friend's thought process probably is

CF is Moho Mofo

NBU - I'm surprised that it's taken you this long to mention something.
Why can't she get herself an eBike if the motor home isn't working out for her to go and do local trips?

Could you do the trip from her house to the venue in a taxi (just do it the once) so that you know how much to charge her for the trip if you decide to offer her a lift? Is there any reason she can't make her way to your home first and you just leave from there instead (again, only relevant if you want to offer her a lift in the first place).

I'd have to say "Look, Mildred, I am not a taxi. If I give you a lift it adds x time to my busy day and I just can't keep doing that. If you want to do tai chi you'll have to find your own way to the venue as I can't be expected to bring you. I'm sorry that you're finding having a motor home and no car difficult but that seems more like a you issue to fix and not a me issue to fix for you. Hope you'll be able to make the next term but I'll understand if you can't."

moho belongs in the bin with spag bol and platty jubes

I can’t believe someone would have the cheek to ask someone to drive out of their way for an exercise class friend regularly. Just be clear on your boundaries, no need to comment on their choices. Ie sorry it’s a massive bind I don’t have time.

I think I would be inclined to say that if CF NEEDS a lift then it will come at a cost to her financially. Why should you pick up the cost? Tell her the lift is putting you out and that you can't afford the cost so if she needs a lift on the odd occasion it will be £10 to cover your time, fuel and extra wear and tear of your vehicle.

I have a 28 yr old Bongo. I use it for everything. Your response is reasonable.

Tell her … if she can get herself to yours, happy to give her a lift.
she only need to pay taxi halfway.
Not likely going to happen, I think.