Friends with camper vans needing lifts...

[Dygger]

I've been going to tai chi classes for a couple of years and made friends there with a woman who lives about 15 minutes away from me. Last year she and her partner retired. They'd had two cars and they sold one to buy a big, shiny new motorhome. Shortly after that she started phoning me asking me to give her a lift to t'ai chi because her partner needed the car to go to something he was doing. The first couple of times I just did it, but it became a regular expectation. It's a pain because she lives 15 minutes away from me in the wrong direction. So instead of a 15-minute drive from my house to the tai chi class, she wants me to drive 15 minutes to her and then 20 minutes to the class. And all because their shiny new £80k motorhome is too big and too inconvenient to use as a vehicle for everyday things.

Another friend, on a tight budget, sold her reliable 8-year-old Skoda Yeti that has never given her trouble and bought a 22-year-old little Romahome camper van which she planned to use as an everyday vehicle. Except that because it's 22 years old it's always got things going wrong with it. Practically every month she's owned it it's needed work doing — and because it's old, it can take a while to get parts. So she's off the road for weeks at a time and looks to me — and others as well — for lifts. I think she's got nervous of what might go wrong with the Romahome next, so tries not to use it unless she's going away for a weekend in it.

I've said no to them both on a few occasions in the last few months and I suspect they are both quite pissed off with me because I'm not being more helpful. Mrs Motorhome in particular. We have to finalise and pay for the new term's tai chi sessions starting in September. Yesterday she contacted me to say that unless I agreed to pick her up and take her home again when she doesn't have access to the car she doesn't want to waste money on booking sessions she won't be able to use. I responded by saying I couldn't promise anything. She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.' She hasn't responded. AIBU?

This. I'd actually point out to her it's an extra 30 minutes for you. I'm assuming she's never offered you petrol money either. Rude cow

If she offered use of her moterhome for say two weeks a year it could be a more equitable arrangement!

Your response was Perfect.
She could buy a scooter.

She replied that it was all so awkward, but she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.'

Salty! But perfect response.

You don’t understand why a friend may initially say yes to a request before realising it’s turned into an expectation at a later date? Presumably the OP was happy to do it when she thought it was a once in a blue moon thing, not a regular occurence !

This. People making wrong decisions then expecting others to bail them out.

YANBU.

Tell her ‘I understand your problem but the reality is that giving you a lift adds 20 mins to my journey each way and if I have errands or appointments either side, or am going straight on to another arrangement or don’t have time to add 40 mins driving time to my day if I am busy, I just can’t guarantee that it’s possible. ‘

Why doesn’t she ask her DH to plan to make their car available when she needs it??

You've responded perfectly and YANBU

Your response was perfect-hopefully she won’t ask again!

Moho.😆

Been motorhomers for decades but only head the term Moho when listening to Lisa Tarbuck and if it is good enough for her, it is good enough for me.👍
Don't say it in real life but it is much quicker to type and most know what it means.

I regularly give a lift to a work colleague and someone I attend a social group with but I literally pass their doors on the way. 15 minute detour? No way. Stick to your guns.

The motorhome is a red herring.
They made the decision to go from having two cars to one car. The husband and wife must decide between themselves who has the use of the car. Instead of saying to you "it's not worth booking the classes unless I can get a lift" she should say to her husband "it's not worth booking the classes unless I can get the car".
It's nothing to do with the OP and she shouldn't accept responsibility, especially when her assistance previously in giving lifts hasn't really been thanked properly.

MOHO!

Yanbu
Having a backbone when CFs are trying to make their problems your problems is not anything to be ashamed of. You are fine.

Maybe they should both get bicycles?

she should say to her husband "it's not worth booking the classes unless I can get the car".**

Exactly this. What is her husband doing that gets priority?

https://www.citroen.co.uk/ami The campervanowner I know has this kind of thing and tows it behind the van. Or, she could get an eBike?

... she didn't want to waste money on taxis — to which I responded by saying 'I noticed.'
Absolutely brilliant 👏 made laugh so much 😆

What a couple of bloody CF they are! I would not be giving lifts Im afraid ."I noticed" Brilliant response OP.Why sign up for something if you need transport?So she saves her cash and pulls a lift from you? I would say "Sorry but I like to go straight home after class.What with winter nights and everything"

She needs to look for a new class that's in a day her dh doesn't need the car. She's a CF and trying to make her problem your problem. Nice reply by the way. If she comes back just say that to save any confusion she shouldn't rely on a lift from you and if her dh can't help and she can't afford a taxi she should look for an alternative class.

Me too, fabulous response op 👏

Stop giving them lifts.It doesn't suit you,costs you money.Have you benifited from doing the Tai chi? Not wanting to be cheeky but asking the question , as I would love to do it!

Blimey, she's basically saying you're a "free" taxi.

I have a daily driver van and a small car. We managed for years with one van but now my DH is home more, it's awkward. So we got a very nifty little car and it's fab for the sort of journey she wants you to make.

Brilliant response.

I'm assuming there have been no offers of petrol money or even a bunch of flowers to say Thank You?

Stay firm. They should have thought it out better.

Cheers everyone. I was a bit cheeky, I know, but I felt as if I was being morally blackmailed. @Secondguess is spot on: it's a problem she needs to sort out with her DH. I'm not the solution.

There have been times in my life when I've needed to ask for a lift or assistance and so I do try to help people out when they're in a pickle. It's when it becomes expected that my back goes up. I'm just staggered that people will pay so much for a Moho (thank you!) but not be able to find the money for a 15-minute taxi ride. The friend with the rickety Romahome is a bit different — doesn't have much dosh to play with — so I try to be more gentle with her.