to exclude my friend from a holiday because she's got a boy?

[brownmouse]

regular here blah blah (we need an acronym for this )

I have a small group of 4 friends, we all have 1 child of the same age (5)

One of us has a boy

I am arranging a summer break for us all but the three of us with girls really don't want the other person coming along. The girls play nicely together while we sit around talking. The boy is loud and whacks the girls and is constantly full of energy, and is constantly knocking into us, interupting our conversation.

We'd like a summer BREAK where we sit around while the girls play. If we invite the mum-of-boy it won't be a break, it will be noisy and stressful.

Should we arrange it and exclude her, or just invite her and accept that it will just be a child-focussed holiday?

This has got to be a wind up.

so does the mum of the boy already know that a joint trip is in the planning? You risk offending her of course but personally I think I would choose to have just the other girls and their mums under those circumstances

Tricky, isn't it?

yabu ffs, you know you are

YABU - don't gender stereo-type

depends.

If you wish to have any future relationship with this woman then you invite her.
if your not too bothered then don't.

I would add that whilst the 3 girls play nicely together for a couple of hours at the park, being together all day every day will probably end up in them getting bored of each other's company and bickering anyway.

YABU

No it isn't a windup

Why on earth would it be a windup?

(Although I shouldn't have said 'because she's got a boy' but 'becasue she's got a very energetic child' I suppose)

if I were the parent of the boy, I would like to know what a shit friend you are so I could try to find some real friends. Tell her how you feel and allow her to get out of your poxy friendship!

Sorry, but I think you are BU.

Mine are smaller (3 and 1) but I think at 5 would still need some sort of close supervision. It won't take 5 women to supervise 5 children. Maybe 2 of you can do the kids whilst the others chat, and then change over in the afternoon?

I'd be really hurt and disappointed if my friends didn't invite me because of the sex of my children.

I hate girls, me.

How sad for your friend, she will be really hurt if you do that.

I don't think the fact the child is a boy is the relevant bit - the fact is, he doesn't play nicely with the other three. If the other mum had a girl who didn't play well with the other girls, what would you do?

(I like to think I'd try to help them all play together nicely.)

incredibly unreasonable of you

I find kids of this age can play well together unsupervised. At least, I find that my two (6 and 3) play together well, with minimal supervision, and better with an extra 6-year-old.

as the mother of a very energetic boy (and DD for that matter) I think you should take a long hard look at yourself.....

I don't think you can class yourself as a friend of this mum if you are prepared to do this, frankly.

I would be so upset about this, if I were that friend. Its like bloody school all over again.

3 girls all together for a couple of days/a week etc. there will be fights. of the screeching varity. [sighs]

throw a boy in to keep them all in order lol.

Well my daughter aged 6 and my elder son 4.6 are both energetic and run about rull of life, I love it. Ds2 aged 15 months now also joins it.

Children are supposed to be noisy and run about imo.

It actually might be hard for this boy if he constantly hangs out with 4 mums and 3 girls. He may well have more energy and testosterone and really need more activity and excitement than he's getting... he's being expected to "play nicely" when he actually needs to run the energy off, take risks and yell and shout. Yes that is a bit of a stereotype and it's not always the case, but boys often are more active and excitable.

If you like the mum and want to stay friends, isn't there a way you could build in some more exciting activities for the boy or things that are to his taste?

Surely it should be a child focussed holiday anyway, with a bunch of five year olds! If you want a girly weekend - without bothersome children - arrange one, but please don't exclude one child because he is more boisterous.

If you don't mind hurting the boy's mothers feelings and losing a friend, then by all means leave her out.

Have you ever thought that with a lively child she is in more need of a break than the rest of you.

Sorry, but I think YABU. BTW - I am the mother of a very quiet, placid child and we are holidaying with family this year, including my very boisterous, bossy, but lovely, four year old neice. Yes, I appreciate (believe me I do) that it can be hard work, but the good outweighs the bad everytime with children.

I think you should all go on holiday seperately. Avoid any arguements that way.

Message withdrawn

I am UPSET that you think I am a bad friend

Believe me, I am not

I would like a break without constant violence and being whacked all the time

One of the others is a single mum so this is a nice way of getting away together

The girls DO play for ages together with no fighting or needed separation, they spend ages together