Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

[MM1972]

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

I don’t think you’ll get many YABU here. The ‘fuck off’ is an added bonus. 🤨 Good thing you’re not married.

This is insane. Why can't he watch the TV in the lounge. I'd get rid of the TV in the bedroom altogether, better yet, get rid of him.

I have suggested they watch TV in the living room. It's a smallish ground floor apartment and is 5 or 6 steps down the hall.

Well that seems normal and fair, what's his issue?

I'd be staying in the house and he could do some parenting during his time off. Fuck him.

I don't know. I suspect it's just not wanting to get out of bed.

Extremely inconsiderate and v disrespectful, especially in front of your daughter.

Sounds like a control issue. Are there other things that bother you?

I did vote YABU and for the following reasons:
You knew he had actually got DIVORCED over excessive TV watching
You live with and chose to procreate with the useless lump
Your child is developing the same attitudes and habits
Rather than address the issue properly, you are hiding, not just in a different room, in a different property.
I could not live like that. You say you can't either and yet you are. He's clearly not going to change, so what are you going to do?

@Timeisnevertimeatall that's a very accusatory and demanding post to make to a complete stranger.

OP yanbu = of course you're not. What a rude, selfish man. He sounds absolutely awful. Who the hell won't allow their partner to sleep like that? Arsehole.

No YANBU. He can stay up as late as he wants (well, at a time that means he can still parent and function the next day!) watching the lounge tv, but bedroom tv should be off when someone wants to sleep, particularly when they have work the next day. The fuck off though, hell no! Time to stay at your own place with no tv in the bedroom I think.

Quite apart he is setting a very poor example to his daughter. How old is she, and why is she in your bed so late at night?

YNBU. He is being completely unreasonable and he should not talk to you like that, he should understand and respect that you need to go to sleep when you feel tired as you have work the following morning. I would get rid of lounge TV and move the nice bedroom TV in the lounge but if there other issues around control and respect I would reconsider the relationship too.

How old is the daughter? What time of night was this?
If she’s older than 4 her bed must have been vacant.
I wouldn’t be told to F off twice.

Put the tv in the lounge. Do not have a tv in your bedroom. Is the flat owned jointly with your dh? If not then consider moving back to your house with your dd.

Being told to FO is not what I would tolerate.

H got the reward of you disappearing and no further interuptions to his viewing habits.

State your boundaries - one more FO and you will move on.

Make sure your bedroom TV is quite small or completely removed.
Ensure the living room TV is more comfortable with a nice sofa and knee rugs.
Stick to a sensible bed time for DD.

Why wouldn't you send your child to bed.

You should have switched the tv off at the socket and went to bed.

Why on earth you would get with a waster who got divorced because he was a lazy tv man, I'm not sure he can even be blamed for the current situation as you knew what you was getting into.

It is not okay to stop your partner sleeping for any non emergency reason.

Apparently, I the only one that thought the partner is a woman.

I would have taken the kids bed, but you need a long term solution

It is not ok op. Daughter should have gone to bed when you arrived, or at the very least been told to go to bed, and done so. It is not setting up healthy boundaries for her either. Was anything said when you drove to the house 40 miles away?

Cut off the tv cord.
If hes on holiday go sit in the lounge.

I hate tvs in the bedroom, and this would really grind my gears OP! You're not being unreasonable.

Can you have an agreement say no tv in bedroom after 10pm? How old is your dd? Could you have slept in her bed?

If he’s this selfish, the relationship is surely doomed. Why is your daughter not in bed herself? And why are they watching TV in a bedroom instead of the living room?

We’ve never had a tv in our bedroom thank goodness.
Your dp is a selfish prick.
I would break the tv and every subsequent tv that ever came into the bedroom.
And I’d still leave him.

Bedrooms are for sleeping...not watching tv. Get rid of it in the room. I'd get rid of him now to be honest. Go live in your own house, nevermind the tv....to say fuck off to you cross the line