Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

[MM1972]

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

When he’s out, take the TV out of the bedroom.
Cut the aerial cable to the bedroom.

If this doesn’t work, get rid of him and claim CMS
Whose property is it ?

Assume your dd is young so should be asleep in own bed at that time ?

I would be moving to your other house. When i moved in with H I asked him to remove the TV from the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping. No partnership can survive extended sleep sabotage! YANBU, and your P definitely is, and to boot she is showing you no respect. How is the relationship otherwise? Do you want to stay? Talk about this at a time that isn’t bed time. Is a different property with separate bedrooms an option?

Well his primary relationship seems to be with the t.v. And he is teaching your DD that the t.v. is more important than you.

Personally if I had my own home, as you do, I would be moving there permanently and co- parenting my DD with him.

I find his behaviour selfish, rude, and uncaring. I couldn't be bothered with someone who felt it was reasonable to behave like that.

Easily solved. Cut the plug off the TV.
Permanently solved. LTB.

Ditch him, not the TV!

What an arse.

Obvious solution is TV in living room so you can sleep?

I think you did the absolutely right thing, he told you (completely inappropriately) to FO (& in front of your DD which makes him a shitty parent) so you did.

I would simply stay in your house and not return home until he apologises. He has two weeks off, he can spend those with his DD.

You should look into making the split permanent and how you could work a 50/50 divide when he goes back to work.

I can completely see why his first wife divorced him 🙄

You have different habits so neither of you are unreasonable However he shouldn't have told you to fuck off. I think you'll have to live apart ultimately, you don't seem compatible.

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

Sorry, you couldn't get into bed because your daughter was on your side??
Firstly, why was she still up at parent's bedtime?
Why the fuck did you not move her?? She is a child. You are an adult. Also storing up trouble here if her father bot only told you to fuck off, but is dissing you by allowing her to lounge on the marital bed to the detriment of the adult. She will have no respect for you.
Don't be thinking of alternative places to sleep. Deal with this, or you'll be on here discussing problems with you DP and DD for ever

Why can't the TV be moved to the lounge?

Is the child yours with your partner? How old is the child?

this is absolutely ridiculous. the person wanting to go to sleep gets priority in terms of the bedroom environment! ditch the TV or ditch him - he sounds like a selfish waster.

i should add the above doesn’t have to be “either or”. i’d ditch the TV and him personally!

It sounds like your partner has a lot of underlying anxiety and relies on the TV to help calm him down. I don’t want to be ‘on his side’ but it probably does feel impossible for him to give up the TV. He will need to address this anxiety through either medication, therapy or yoga. Maybe an iPad with headphones might be a short term solution if you can’t have separate bedrooms

Underlying anxiety! That's a good one. He sounds like a very selfish dickhead. I would consider this a dumping offence as it's happened more than once and do unnecessary.

Hope you got some sleep after all that OP, how are you feeling today?

Not that it makes any difference to the responses - the partner is clearly a horror - but sounds like the partner is female.

By STBXH always insisted having a massive TV on in the bedroom, booming loud all night. When he would fall asleep I would turn it off and he would wake up and scream at me.

He's had terrible sleep issues for years. Poor quality sleep, migraines, causing him the inability to sustain work.

It was a major contributing issue to us splitting up that he wouldn't sort out his sleep.

The bigger issue here is the selfishness / lack of respect for you. It would be a dealbreaker for me too.

If you have another house, move into it.

What time did this happen? If he was having a nice time with his daughter at 7pm, and was asked to stop then it's very different to say 10pm

Of course him telling you to fuck off was wrong. No-one should speak to their partner like that.

What were they watching?

How old is your daughter?

Why is she watching TV so late?

Is he the father?

Was it a “Normal” bed time for an adult to go to bed?

how old is your daughter.

you P sounds selfish. If you’re sharing a bedroom with someone you have to consider each other’s needs.

also your daughter - of course if the person whose bed it is wants to get into there bed and sleep then she should vacate!

Time you went back to your house permanently, taking your daughter with you.

You deserve more respect in a better relationship and she deserves better modelling of decent and respectful relationships.