Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

[MM1972]

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

You are letting him walk all over you and teaching your daughter that it's ok to be spoken to like that!

WTF! He was watching TV in the OPs bed and refused to stop when she wanted to go to sleep! Of course he is being unreasonable!

Jesus 🙄

What time of day/night was this?

@@pictoosh but its true through

Its the time old tale of posters here who post "why is my DH/DP useless? He was useless before we got together, he's been useless before we had DC, and now we have DC he's useless"

It was after 12.30. I didn't get to bed to after 2.00 am.

How old is your daughter? Was she awake or asleep in the bed?

It’s utterly unreasonable to keep a person from going to sleep.

If he wants to watch tv late he needs to do it on a tv in the lounge not the bedroom.

How old is your kid?

So what are you planning to do about this unacceptable and aggressive behaviour from your partner?

Did you see your partner and daughter heading for the bedroom and ask what they were doing?
You should have told your daughter to go to bed and just turned the TV off. Your partner can go and watch it in the other room.
Or given you have your own place maybe just leave the lazy arse and move back there.
YANBU to expect him to turn the TV off when you want to sleep or for going home so you could sleep.
You do need a serious conversation with him though about the TV being off in the bedroom after saying 10 o clock. His response will tell you wether you can stay together or not.

10 and the film was 'Glass'.

Are you taking on board that this isn’t just a one off TV issue? That fundamentally there are huge faults here, and your partner is simply selfish. And that your child is being put in the middle of this behaviour between the two of you.

This is so incredibly selfish, uncaring and abusive. It's common sense to me that in a shared bedroom the sleep needs of both parties comes first. This is true of partners or kids. It's dark and quiet at the point one wants to go to bed and stays that way until everyone is up. I get up earlier than my dh so I put my clothes in the bathroom so I don't wake him.

This is one reason I never have TV in a bedroom.

And what message is your daughter getting?

TV in bedroom? Never done it in my 60+ years of life. Not sure I’m the poorer for it.

How do you know its a Dad?

Why was a ten year old allowed to be watching tv in the early hours of the morning?!

This.

I don't think a TV has any place in a bedroom.

Ok. Dad or mum.
Got any comment to make on the rest of what I said or are you still telling the OP to issue her daughter with consequences?

“Glass” as in M Night Shaymalan’s Glass - the horror film highly inappropriate for a 10 year old?? What the heck OP?

Why does it matter whether they’re married or not? At least if you’re married and decide to get a divorce, you can go your separate ways. When you have a child together, you’re tied in for life whether you like it or not

I’ve a ten year old and we are not super strict but he would be well asleep before 9.30

I couldn’t stay with a man this cruel. You were right to drive to your own house but to do that when you were already exhausted is beyond me. So mean.

I hope you are ok today xxx

You are not being unreasonable, OP. I know exactly where you're coming from re. TV dominating and being detrimental to relationships / family life.

My kids have seen Unbreakable and Glass when one was 12 and the other was 10. It’s fine if the child is mature enough and enjoys that type of thing.
My kids have seen plenty of films for older ages and I always get comments on how mature they are, how mature their vocabulary is, how intricate and interesting their creative writing is with twists and turns you wouldn’t expect to see until high school.

So… it’s a movie, it’s the parents choice and it’s fine for a 10 year old. My children certainly haven’t been harmed from watching light horror or heavier dramas.

Yes

Your kid should go to bed when they are told to

If the partner is telling them to stay in OPs bed preventing them from sleeping there, the partner is the bad parent, not the OP

The daughter is being shown it's fine to treat OP with contempt.

Well, she/he talks to you badly, he does not care about your needs, she/he is making poor parenting choices. And it's repeated behaviour.

I think that would be a dealbreaker for me too.