Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

[MM1972]

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

@MM1972
Your relationship sounds utterly toxic - from what you've written it sounds like a stalemate as each of you wants their own thing. From what you've written you're entitled to sleep with the tv off (or not in there at all - good sleep hygiene etc) but if she struggles to get to sleep without it then you're both at odds with each other. Are there other issues? Because honestly if this is a single issue, and you love and respect each other, coming to a resolution should be a possibility. If neither of you is prepared to budge then what good is this relationship to you? It sounds like she doesn't love or respect you, but you definitely don't sound like you like her either. So what are you getting from this relationship that keeps you in it?

I think this post highlights a massive issue with mumsnet, that we only get one side of the story and we are only reading a perspective that is skewed.

Clearly there is more to it and my initial response is completely different to how I would respond now with all the additional info.

It's clear that it's a much bigger issue and the relationship sounds so utterly toxic, I hope for those children's sake that it ends soon.

Yes. There is obviously so much more to this story, and I'd imagine that the other side of the story could well be very different.

I notice that the OP only responds to certain posts for example. (They have never responded to any of my questions, and I don't buy the 'I make all my posts on MN gender neutral due to potential misandry' narrative)

I don't believe them, frankly.

At best, this relationship is toxic and they should leave.

I believe there should be a rule

End of. Zero discussion.

you are not the boss, this is the part you are failing to grasp. You are allowed a preference and she is allowed a preference, normally you would both compromise.. except neither of you are, you’re trying to lay down the law, she’s having none of it..you can’t force something to be a certain way.

neither of you are right or wrong for preferring things a certain way, but forcing the other to comply is unreasonable of you both.

it sounds like she sees that house as her house and the other as yours, maybe that could be the solution?

I used to use the sleep function on my radio when going to bed. I used to use the radio to wake up to.
Neither of these were allowed by my partner. I have accepted that.

My partner want to watch TV in bed even if I want to go to sleep.

I hate the double standard.

"I hate the double standard"

Yeah, I hate that double standard, too.

It's not a relationship if your partner "allows" or "doesn't allow" you to do certain things. Are you in a relationship or are you living under a dictator? Furthermore, why are you putting up with this shit? Know your worth and get outta there.

I'm not sure how many times it has to be said, but it's not the TV (or the radio) that is the problem here.

Anyone who dictates to their partner what they can and can't do without taking their feelings/thoughts into consideration is being unreasonable, it works both ways and two wrongs don't make a right.

But I'm not sure what you mean by 'not allowed' though, how was it 'not allowed'? That's really not normal in a relationship anyway, but there's a difference between your partner forbidding you from doing something and them telling you they don't like something, or giving you enough earache so you voluntarily stop doing it as not to upset them?

I can understand you'd feel cheated if you stopped doing that to appease them but they won't stop the thing you don't like in return.

So, once again, if this relationship is so crap, why are you staying?

I did not have a TV in my house, let alone my bedroom for years. We now have one in the living room only. It drives me mad when my husband will turn off the TV and come to bed only to watch something on his phone.

You must know that you being banned from the radio in the bedroom whilst your DP won't accept the TV ban is not on?
You need to talk to them to determine why they won't accept your views yet impose theirs. This isn't about last night. This is about respecting each other's wishes.