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AIBU?

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Original poster

Told to fuck off at bed time as partner watching TV

236 replies

MM1972 · 14/08/2024 02:39

My partner has 2 weeks off work. I am still working.

I was exhausted earlier having nodded off on the sofa. I brushed my teeth and went to the bedroom ready to collapse into bed.

My partner was watching TV with our daughter. I was told they were going to continue watching it.

Ir has been an ongoing theme when I've been wanting to go to bed and my partner gets cross at me for wanting the TV in the bedroom to be switched off. Usually there is an argument and eventually the TV is switched off. I strongly dislike pre-bed arguments. The unnecessary adrenaline keeps me awake.

Tonight it was clear there wasn't going to be an argument. I was told point blank the TV was staying on. I could not even get into bed as our daughter was on my side.

I got dressed and went to a house I own 40 miles away which is also closer to my work.

I feel like the TV in the bedroom is a becoming deal breaker for me. Am I being unreasonable to expect the TV to be switched off without argument when I want to go to sleep?

The other options for me are sleeping on a reclining chair in the living room or staying in my own house all the time. Alternatively the TV could be removed from the bedroom (my preferred option).

I know a large part of the reasoning for my partners divorce was their TV habits. Specifically that they did nothing except watch TV. I have some hobbies which I enjoy doing myself, so my partner watching TV doesn't bother me so much except when it interferes with my sleep.

OP posts:
RedRobyn2021 · 14/08/2024 07:52

randomchap · 14/08/2024 07:43

What time did this happen? If he was having a nice time with his daughter at 7pm, and was asked to stop then it's very different to say 10pm

Of course him telling you to fuck off was wrong. No-one should speak to their partner like that.

I don't think it matter what time it was. She should be able to go to bed in her own bedroom.

The bare minimum is that the TV is taken out the bedroom and if that doesn't happen I'd be looking at separation OP

DiscoBeat · 14/08/2024 07:54

Absolutely just take the TV out of the bedroom. They don't belong there imo. If I explained that I needed that space and still got told to fuck off I'd be extremely thankful I had another house and hadn't got married.

DiscoBeat · 14/08/2024 07:55

mm81736 · 14/08/2024 06:54

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

Are you insane?

LittleMousewithcloggson · 14/08/2024 07:57

I would definitely end relationship over that
No respect or consideration for you at all

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 07:59

Is this the same partner that won't let you sit down to eat?

llamajohn · 14/08/2024 08:02

And sulks... And racks up bills...and leaves all the lights on etc.

Sounds like a useless aggressive waste of space to me....

Leave!

needlesandhaystacks · 14/08/2024 08:02

Welcome to my world. I despise the TV in our bedroom. My DH says he likes to lie in bed of an evening and watch it but watches it late! Won't watch anything downstairs. It causes huge issues come bed time. I've moved into the spare room. It's not the only thing causing problems in our marriage but for me it's a huge one.
YANBU!

Madamecholetsbonnet · 14/08/2024 08:03

I couldn’t live like this. At least you haven’t married the idiot.

The tv thing is a symptom of his complete disregard for you, and on that basis I would split up.

Do you own or rent the property you are living in with him? Can you just move to the place you own permanently?

Chocolateorange22 · 14/08/2024 08:16

Let us know what was said about you driving to the other house and staying out.

I probably wouldn't necessarily say this was the final straw but he definitely was being unreasonable. I'd perhaps if it's a regular thing make it clearer earlier in the night "I'm going to bed at X time please can you ensure I can get into bed, the TV isn't on in there and I can go to sleep". Depending on his reaction you know where you stand.

AquaFurball · 14/08/2024 08:16

Your partner is on holiday so can you take a couple of days to stay in your own house, get some proper sleep and consider the future of the relationship?

They can cover full childcare for a couple of days as if you had to go away for work. If your dd would be OK with that. Might not be possible depending on your actual situation of course but it sounds like your relationship has more issues than just a tv in the bedroom.

betterangels · 14/08/2024 08:24

mm81736 · 14/08/2024 06:54

Can't you just sleep in your dds bed u til the end of the holidays on the night's they are watching TV.

This is crazy. Why on earth should she do that?

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2024 08:28

How old is your DD and why didn’t you send her to bed when you wanted to get in? The whole thing is ridiculous. Obviously ditch the inconsiderate partner and also the bedroom tv.

Billybagpuss · 14/08/2024 08:33

Did he not even react as you left?

MonsteraMama · 14/08/2024 08:34

I'd be saying either the TV goes to the skip or I'm out of this relationship. I can't stand square eyed TV addicts and TVs in bedrooms are awful and shouldn't be a thing.

Your need for sleep trumps his/her addiction to television. You also need to consider that this behaviour and disrespect is now rubbing off on your child. Stop running away and hiding from the problem and do something about it! You've got posts going back to 2022 about this person being a rude, disrespectful arsehole to you. What is the point of this relationship?

Viviennemary · 14/08/2024 08:50

No TV in the bedroom unless both partners agree. Haven't had a TV in the bedroom for years.

Loloblue · 14/08/2024 08:58

My ex used to watch tv in bed all the time and it drove me crazy so I feel your pain. Removing TV from bedroom is a much healthier way to live all round!

the idea that you had to get up and get dressed and drive 40 miles is deeply troubling though and speaks to a bigger issue. That is not a caring considerate relationship. Sit him down and tell him that it's not good enough and set some more boundaries about the space. Sorry you have to deal with that.

outdamnedspots · 14/08/2024 08:59

Well, a second relationship is about to end due to his TV habits and rudeness. What a tool.

HeadacheEarthquake · 14/08/2024 09:01

I'm sorry OP but you are being very unreasonable by letting this happen

Send your child to bed at the appropriate bedtime for their age. It's YOUR bed. If they don't get up and go to their own bed there would be consequences.

If the lazy prick won't go and watch TV downstairs then get rid of the bedroom TV. Bedrooms are for sleeping. If he has a problem with that then he can "fuck off" himself.

He's already chosen TV over a previous partner, so if you want to come in second place to an electronic then by all means stay with him but I couldn't bear the sad man-child behavior.

6pence · 14/08/2024 09:04

It would be a deal breaker for me if I couldn’t sleep in my own bed when I needed to.

Were you watching your programmes in the lounge though and sent him to the bedroom? Then fell asleep on the sofa so wanted to go to bed? If you were dictating where he watched tv, that’s slightly different - but I suspect that wasn’t the case.

Abi86 · 14/08/2024 09:04

YABU not to divorce the disrespectful prick

Ivehearditbothways · 14/08/2024 09:05

Well, I think you already know what to do. Take a lesson from his ex-wife and leave him over his behaviour. He is showing you who he is; he is selfish. Deep down, he is just selfish. What sort of person refuses to allow the person they love to go to sleep but taking over the bed and having the TV on at bedtime. Who does that? Someone who is fundamentally selfish and actually doesn’t care about your or your needs (a very real need for sleep).

Is this really who you want to spend your life with? You only get one go at life. Is this the man to spend it with?

Leave him, sort out coparenting and don’t waste anymore time on this man.

Butwhybecause · 14/08/2024 09:06

Sweetteaplease · 14/08/2024 02:44

This is insane. Why can't he watch the TV in the lounge. I'd get rid of the TV in the bedroom altogether, better yet, get rid of him.

I'd either get rid of the TV in the bedroom or get rid of him.

What an appalling example he's setting to your daughter!!

Ivehearditbothways · 14/08/2024 09:09

HeadacheEarthquake · 14/08/2024 09:01

I'm sorry OP but you are being very unreasonable by letting this happen

Send your child to bed at the appropriate bedtime for their age. It's YOUR bed. If they don't get up and go to their own bed there would be consequences.

If the lazy prick won't go and watch TV downstairs then get rid of the bedroom TV. Bedrooms are for sleeping. If he has a problem with that then he can "fuck off" himself.

He's already chosen TV over a previous partner, so if you want to come in second place to an electronic then by all means stay with him but I couldn't bear the sad man-child behavior.

That’s not actually fair on the child at all. Dad is telling her to stay in bed and watch TV and mum is saying she wants to go to bed. That’s not ok at all; and it’s absolutely terrible parenting to say you would give the daughter consequences for that. She is being put in the middle of her parents game playing, she is being used by one to bully the other, she is being given different instructions from each parent and pretty much being asked to choose between them and who to listen to.

It’s terrible parenting to put your child in the middle of this and then give them consequences for not listening to you… and what if dad gave consequences for not listening to him? That child can’t win. That’s called an abusive home.

OP, do not put your child in the middle and do not give her consequences because of her dad’s actions. You need to leave him and allow your child to have time separately with you both so she is never put in this position again.

anothermnuser123 · 14/08/2024 09:11

This would be relationship ending for me, not because of the TV but because his actions are literally telling you he doesn't care about you. It doesn't matter that you are massively put out, uncomfortable and physically having to move to a different property in order to get rest! It's also giving your Daughter some awful life lessons.

We have a TV in the bedroom and I sometimes watch it but if my Husband says it's keeping him awake, or even if I can see it's disturbing him, it instantly goes off because he needs rest and it is a bedroom primarily for sleeping!

The moment you don't care about your partner, the relationship is over and he is very much telling you he just doesn't care, his needs are not only priority but they are ALL that matter, no compromise, nothing, it's his way or literally getting out! And you had to opt to leave the home, that should tell you everything.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/08/2024 09:12

I take it your partner is female, not that it makes a difference. Either way, yanbu.