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AIBU?

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Original poster

MIL inviting visitors to our home

271 replies

MooMa83 · 13/08/2024 16:11

So my MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer hols for our toddler and 7 year old at our house. Her relationship with my DH (her son) is strained, and I don't get on that well with her, but try to keep the peace as the kids love her and I want them to have a close relationship. However something is irking me....the last couple of times she has helped she has mentioned to my DH in the morning "I've invited so and so over for lunch/coffee today". These are people she is close to, that my husband knows from the past, but that I haven't met. I feel like she should have asked beforehand, and I'm not sure how I feel about someone I don't know in my house and around my children. Would this bother you?

OP posts:
LostTheMarble · 13/08/2024 16:15

No, I’d not be happy with that at all. I know you’ll have replies of ‘she’s doing you a favour, she can basically shit in your flowerpots if it pleases her’ but no one is forcing her. You’re perfectly entitled to be pissed off at her inviting strangers (to you) into your house without permission.

FatmanandKnobbin · 13/08/2024 16:16

I think this is what people mean when they say free childcare is never really free.

I wouldn't like people in my home, but would probably bite my tongue since she's doing you a massive favour.

Having MILs friends around my kids, especially ones DH knew, wouldn't bother me though.

rayofsunshine86 · 13/08/2024 16:19

I'd be asking her to meet her friends for lunch elsewhere. I'd rather not have people I don't know in my house.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/08/2024 16:20

This would not work for me at all and I would speak to her about it immediately. Be prepared to lose your childcare.

loropianalover · 13/08/2024 16:23

Free childcare is never free. I would not be happy with this either, but don’t say anything to her until you have alternative childcare.

PeloMom · 13/08/2024 16:24

So while she’s having coffee/ lunch with her friends who’s watching the kids?

TeeBee · 13/08/2024 16:25

Yes, my MIL used to do the same! It's bloody cheeky. She also used to pop in to go to the toilet if she was at the beach, even if I was out. She is lovely in many, many ways but I had to draw boundaries before I throttled her.

elliejjtiny · 13/08/2024 16:26

It's a tricky one because she is doing you a favour with the childcare. My MIL went through a phase of asking people round for coffee at my house, telling them I don't get out much. Thankfully none of them ever came, probably thought it was as creepy as I did. My GMIL brought her friend round once to gawp at my baby who had a physical disability. The friend tutted a lot and said "oh dear, I see what you mean" and tutted some more. I said in a very bright tone that he was gorgeous and I was so lucky.I

Personally if it's one of your MIL's old friends and your DH knows them then they are unlikely to be dodgy.

TinyYellow · 13/08/2024 16:26

I probably wouldn’t like it but nor would I complain if she’s doing free childcare in your home meaning you don’t need to do drop offs and pick ups.
If you’re really uncomfortable with it, ask her to babysit at her own house or find alternative childcare.

StarryDance · 13/08/2024 16:26

She did mention it though, to her son. He must have agreed it was okay. It wouldn't bother me though.

Mischance · 13/08/2024 16:28

I would not care one jot about this. Unless her friends are druggies! What's the problem? The chidlren will get lots of attention I am sure. Or do you want her friends to be DBS checked!?

LaLoba · 13/08/2024 16:28

I can never understand why people work to maintain a relationship with a mother in law that her own son isn’t interested in. What benefits do your children get from a relationship with someone so difficult her own flesh and blood doesn’t want to know?

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 13/08/2024 16:30

Can’t say I’d really care - but I’d like to be asked!

ODFOx · 13/08/2024 16:32

To be honest I would not have been comfortable with my MiL in the house unaccompanied but if I were (as you are) then I don't think I'd mind her having a friend over. I'd ask for a little advance notice so that I could make sure that my pants weren't on the line and that I could put a quiche or something a bit more special in the fridge (presuming that you are providing lunch for DC and DMiL anyway). She has let you know though, so although I understand why it does feel a bit weird, it might be too late to say anything after it has happened several times.

StarryDance · 13/08/2024 16:32

LaLoba · 13/08/2024 16:28

I can never understand why people work to maintain a relationship with a mother in law that her own son isn’t interested in. What benefits do your children get from a relationship with someone so difficult her own flesh and blood doesn’t want to know?

Free child care.

MilkyCappuchino · 13/08/2024 16:33

Of course childcare is never free. The parents rely on you in my part of the world, because there is no elderly organised social care, if they look after your kids, you respectively get the house, no matter how many brothers and sisters you have and you look after them until they died, in your own turn, when that time comes.

I8toys · 13/08/2024 16:34

LostTheMarble · 13/08/2024 16:15

No, I’d not be happy with that at all. I know you’ll have replies of ‘she’s doing you a favour, she can basically shit in your flowerpots if it pleases her’ but no one is forcing her. You’re perfectly entitled to be pissed off at her inviting strangers (to you) into your house without permission.

This - Love the shit in your flowerpots. First post nails it perfectly. I don't want strangers in my house. They are strangers to me. Do your entertaining at your own house.

Maddy70 · 13/08/2024 16:34

Why would anyone object to her having a friend over for coffee while she's looking after your kids?

I would have zero problem with that.

If you do pay for childcare and i bet there is something you dislike about that too

Icanttakethisanymore · 13/08/2024 16:34

This wouldn't bother me. She is a childcare 'stand in' so I'd be grateful she was doing it and pleased it wasn't a regular thing.

I don't have an issue with people I don't know being in my house though, which seems unusual based on lots of posts I have read here.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 13/08/2024 16:36

@MooMa83 i cant believe the audacity of some MILs!!! why cant she wait and have them over on a day she is in her own house!! get her told!!! she is only doing a few odd days at yours so does not need to invite her friends over!

Skyrainlight · 13/08/2024 16:36

Presumably she is doing childcare for free, I think it's perfectly find for her to have a little company while she does it. You can't have your cake and eat it.

ACynicalDad · 13/08/2024 16:40

I'd be pretty relaxed about this, particularly given free childcare.

NatureofSociety · 13/08/2024 16:45

I'd quite like it actually. It shows she is relaxed in your home, and happy to show it off (along with her DGC) to her friends. It will be nice for her to have adult company too.

MissMoneyFairy · 13/08/2024 16:51

Your dh should have asked you first, his mum, also his home I wouldn't have a problem as long as the kids are happy and well cared for. How would you deal with this if it was a member of your family helping out.

ShinyNewMe · 13/08/2024 16:52

I wouldn't mind this at all. It's not like they're getting pissed and doing karaoke.