MIL inviting visitors to our home

[MooMa83]

So my MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer hols for our toddler and 7 year old at our house. Her relationship with my DH (her son) is strained, and I don't get on that well with her, but try to keep the peace as the kids love her and I want them to have a close relationship. However something is irking me....the last couple of times she has helped she has mentioned to my DH in the morning "I've invited so and so over for lunch/coffee today". These are people she is close to, that my husband knows from the past, but that I haven't met. I feel like she should have asked beforehand, and I'm not sure how I feel about someone I don't know in my house and around my children. Would this bother you?

This is one of the most sensible posts . Two grown women, able to look after kids instead of the same old trash about the kids being left unattended while grandmother sits by idly gossiping to friends and ignoring said kids . What utter rubbish.

I’m quite territorial so I wouldn’t like it. But free childcare is a massive bonus. Plus it’s temporary because children, of course, eventually go to school.

I must admit that I am quite weirded out by all the comments that the granny would be paying attention to her friend and not the children. The OP refers to her children being a seven year old and a toddler. The older child should not need to be watched like a hawk and, if it is their own house, the toddler should be safe enough if the granny’s attention is on something else for five minutes.

Have you ever spent time with children who are given unlimited, undivided attention? They are often quite hard work. It isn’t a bad thing for a child to discover that sometimes an adult is not exclusively focused on them.

As long as she's still looking after your children I can't see a problem to be honest.

TBH, I wouldn't be doing it for long with some of these attitudes, if I was her. Lovely as my grandchildren are, there are also great days out with friends, gyms, courses and holidays to be had. My children appreciate my help when it's available, and is always offered if it's really needed. If I was this lady, I'd be handing the children back to you. I'm sure mothers-in-law who have brought up their own children successfully are perfectly capable of looking after a couple of grandchildren. The entitlement on these boards seems never-ending.

Exactly.

I will never understand how someone providing childcare amounts to them being able to tell the homeowners that they have invited people over without actually asking if it’s ok.

Why not just ask in the first place?

It takes little to say “Do you mind if so and so comes over while I watch the kids?”

Glad my parents and DH’s parents didn’t raise us that way.

Bet if it was a different family member, some would be saying differently.

How is she doing a 'massive favour' the children are her grand children ?

I think you are being unreasonable too.

Your MIL is looking after your children to do you a favour. She is not inviting any old riff raff round but friends that she and your DH know well. I assume they are having a civilised get together rather than a boozy lunch? Is your child being neglected?

Start being appreciative and stop trying to find fault. If you don’t like it, pay for childcare instead of accepting a freebie.

She is doing a favour because they are her GRANDchildren. She has absolutely parental responsibility and does not HAVE to offer free childcare.

If she kindly does so and introduces children to other trusted familiar adults what is the problem?

Edit - NO parental responsibility

This! If I am babysitting at my son and d-in-law's house and a friend pops in I wouldn't give it a thought. Just checked with d-in-law - she laughed at the idea. Luckily she would be thankful for me making the effort.

I wouldn't want it to happen but be prepared to lose your "free" childcare

Hardly a favour but a huge privilege

Whose privilege is it? The OP who gets her children looked after or the MIL who gets to look after them?

The grandparents of course.!!

This would piss me off. She’s is childminding but also wants to socialise with her friends. Who’s interacting with the children?
i don’t understand why you want your children to have a good relationship with mil when her own son, your dh does not.

A privilege to be used for free childcare?

Absolutely a priviledge. How the heck is it free child care? Its pleasure, building fab relationships and generally helping all round. No interfering, no competition just practical loving them. You should try it.

Much as I love my grandchildren I also have a husband to spend time with, and have worked for 40 years, and brought up my own children for 30. This thread started with a kind grandma being criticised for daring to have a friend for coffee while providing free childcare. Opinions about whether this is a privilege may vary.

The OP says in her first sentence “So my MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer”. This sounds very much as though the OP thinks of it as a favour, not a privilege. The PP who cut back her working hours to do two days of childcare a week should be bloody sainted.

Realistically the days of granny doing loads of childcare are coming to an end. Either they are still working (my State Pension Age is currently 68) or they are too old. I remember a colleague being asked to come in to work on a day she didn’t usually work. When she said she had no childcare, our boss said “Well, what about your Mum?” in a way that implied that she would thank him for the suggestion. He was a bit taken aback when she said her mum was a headmistress and would be at work.

If your husband knows the people invited I can't see a problem with it. You could always leave her some money & ask that she meets her friends in a cafe nearby as a treat for her & the kids.