MIL inviting visitors to our home

[MooMa83]

So my MIL has been very kind in helping out with a few odd days of childcare over the summer hols for our toddler and 7 year old at our house. Her relationship with my DH (her son) is strained, and I don't get on that well with her, but try to keep the peace as the kids love her and I want them to have a close relationship. However something is irking me....the last couple of times she has helped she has mentioned to my DH in the morning "I've invited so and so over for lunch/coffee today". These are people she is close to, that my husband knows from the past, but that I haven't met. I feel like she should have asked beforehand, and I'm not sure how I feel about someone I don't know in my house and around my children. Would this bother you?

I couldn't get worked up about this, if you don't want her to do this, get her to look after the children at hers, which may not be so good for them and mean drop offs and pick ups will need to be done. I thought from your title, she was inviting people around to yours when you were there.

There’s not much that costs as much as a favour does.

I’d do whatever you have to do to use paid, professional childcare, or rearrange your work so you cover it between you. It won’t be long until you don’t need it at all and you can try to claw back the money then.

Looking after lively toddlers requires full attention. They can very quickly end up doing things that might result in an injury, whilst wandering off out of sight, into the garden or another room or making a huge mess.
If the adult in charge is entertaining friends can they keep a close enough eye on the DC?

So for that reason, I wouldn't be happy. Also how many friends? More than one means MIL is focussing on hosting.

Gosh, she’s doing you a massive favour, how lovely of her. So many people moan about grandparents not helping out.

In your shoes, I wouldn’t care at all, her seeing her friends. I’m a granny and it’s a long day, baby sitting in someone else’s house.

Do you never have friends round? I'm sure the MiL is quite capable of chatting to a friend and watching a toddler.

I'd have no problems at all with that. A friend of mine (qualified nursery nurse) did childcare for me in my own home when my eldest was a toddler, and I was perfectly happy for her to have friends round for coffee etc, just as I would of I was home.

The fact that this is MIL, is what's riled people up on this thread, I imagine. If it was OP 's mum, it'd probably be a different thread.

I wouldn't be having strangers in my house with my children and a boundary crossing MIL no.
I wouldn't be relying on her for childcare either though tbh.

'Who the hell are you?' when they appear at your door!

'You've come for lunch? i don't think so! This is MY home and I haven't invited you! I have no idea why Doreen told you to come here. It must be a misunderstanding and she wants you to pick her up and take her out for lunch. Come on Doreen! Chop! Chop! Your friends are here to take you out to lunch, don't keep them waiting!'

OP is at work when the friends come. W Quite apart from the fact that that would be a ridiculous and appalling thing to do to anyone.

She's not crossed a boundary. She spoke to her son about it. Presumably he had no objection.

What? The MiL is babysitting so how can she go out for lunch? What a ridiculous post.

This is pretty much what I was going to say.

When you say a few odd days of childcare, what do you mean? This could mean a couple of days over the whole summer holidays or it could mean three days a week.

Presumably the people coming are ordinary enough and won’t do anything weird. It’s worth making sure that the person looking after your children is happy. Even if you had a paid nanny, I would think it okay for her to have a friend over.

How dare staff invite people to the house without consulting the chatelaine? What next? Helping oneself to provisions? Honestly, some people. In Downton Abbey people got ticked off for that. Your husband and yourself are cheapskates who exploit your MIL for childminding services. Light child-minding duties with a 7 yo and a toddler, very light indeed. If you wanted granny to be 'close to your children' you would have been inviting this granny on an all-expenses paid holiday with a nanny to mind the children, so granny and your dc would have proper bonding time free of wiping arses (done by the said nanny) and your dc would learn some respect.

So she's looking after your children in your house and she invites a friend round for coffee? Why is that a problem?

she has mentioned to my DH in the morning "I've invited so and so over for lunch/coffee today"

Can you rely on DHS version of events? Could she have asked him and he forgot to tell you. How does he feel about it? I bet he's OK with it.

It's not just his house though is it.

I’d do whatever you have to do to use paid, professional childcare, or rearrange your work so you cover it between you. It won’t be long until you don’t need it at all and you can try to claw back the money then. - in other words it won't be long before you can ditch this kind woman who is taking care of your children for you for free. Get what you can out of her then tell her to fuck off! Heavens above! What moral code is this?!

Ask your husband if he's OK with the people concerned. If so, leave her to it.

Do you have to clear it with your husband every time you invite someone into your house when he's not there? If my husband tried to impose that rule, he'd get pretty short shrift.

Maybe the son is an arsehole and the children love their granny?

This!
Stop. I did the same and it got me in a lot of trouble. Too late for me, maybe just in time for you.

I would be so grateful for the holiday childcare, that this would bother me not one bit.

You know what you can do if you’re not happy….find alternative care. It seems that’s the only reason you’re maintaining a relationship.

Are you incapable of having coffee and lunch whilst watching children ?

Really? I used to look after my three grandchildren when my DD and SiL were away, the two older ones were at school, so I was looking after the youngest on my own.I had lived in the area previously, so I asked a friend over for coffee. It would never have occurred to me that I was out of order. DD was completely fine with it.