To be worried about boyfriend’s work ethic?

[Duplofez]

We don’t live together yet but I’m considering moving in soon, and then marrying who it having a family with him in the future.

I’m starting to worry about the future though, because it’s becoming clear that we have very different views when it comes to work. I think it’s really important to turn up every day, and I will very rarely take the day off ill. If I’m feeling under the weather, I’ll just work from home.

Boyfriend however will take any opportunity he can to be off work. He really doesn’t like his job, and every time he has even a minor cold he’ll take multiple days off work ill. He’s currently had an illness where the doctor recommended he work from home for a week, but instead he’s asked the doctor to write a letter saying he needs to be off work completely for 2 weeks. We’re then on holiday for 2 weeks so he’ll have been away from work for a month in a row.

I’d get it if this one a one off thing, but he also hated his last job and told me he hated the job before that too.

I worry that if we had kids and a mortgage etc in the future, him taking off so much time could get him fired and leave us financially vulnerable.

AIBU to be worried about this?

I know people like this, it's probably more common than you think. Someone people will just take everything they can. I would struggle to commit to someone like that.

Is he lazy in other areas of life too?

Where does he live? Who does his washing/cleaning/cooking?

Men present their best selves at the beginning of a relationship. If his best self is work-shy his worst self is a slug, no offense to slugs. End it unless you love misery and want a cocklodger.

You should be very, very worried about this. You should actually be running for the hills. He is showing you very clearly who he is, so I suggest you believe him.

YANBU I think unmotivated work shy men with no work ethic or ambition are a complete turn off. FGS don't have e children with him.

This would bother me.

Doing what is necessary and not trying to worm your way out of it at every available opportunity is a core life skill, imo.

It doesn't matter how much he likes his job, it's his job. If he doesn't like it he needs to find another one but stop skiving off in the mean time.

Ooh, sorry OP I would end this now!

You are absolutely right to worry about the financial position you could end up in. But I’d be more worried that this is exactly the attitude he will take to the housework and parenting too.

A friend of mine is in a relationship with a man who sounds like your partner. She has had kids with him and bought a house. She is constantly stressed. He gets fired or asked to submit his resignation regularly. He tends to think that he is right about everything and his bosses and workmates are always at fault.

I went out with a guy who hated his job, but it was more the moaning about it all the time… He really wanted to find a nice girl, get married, buy a house, have kids. Just like his brothers. So, he was willing to stick with the job for that.
Luckily, I’m not a nice girl so I dumped him. Couldn’t be listening to that for the rest of my life! He still works there…

He’s not a keeper - he’ll be using excuses to shift the load to you in future.

This would really put me off. I don’t understand people who put more effort into not going to work than actually going to work.

Have his previous jobs been in the same sector? Does he keep taking the same job which he doesn’t like or has he tried other things?

I have had jobs which I don’t like but you just have to get on with it. My current job has some very rough days but I’ve been doing it for almost 3yrs now without a single sick day. If I feel rough I can work from home. But I still work.

Agree with PPs. I would also find this a huge turn off. A person who constantly has a “what’s in it for me?” attitude and tries to get away with as little as possible in life is not motivated or together and won’t make a good partner.

do not marry this man and do not have kids with him.

Exactly - being a good parent is hard. There's a lot of 'doing stuff you don't want to do, but need to' involved.

I had a boyfriend like this and it was so stressful as he changed jobs a lot. In the time you’ve been together has he changed jobs?

We had someone in our team like this, if he farted the wrong way he was off sick.

He was made "redundant" in an engineered restructure.

The job he does have is a very good one, and very competitive to get into.

He was desperate to get into this role but he’s now hating it because he doesn’t like his bosses and they’re giving him bad feedback about how he’s doing.

he wants to start his own business, so he’s said he’ll use the 2 weeks to focus on making headway with getting that set up. But it seems like the business is a gamble and I worry about what will happen if it fails and he has to go back to working for others.

He’s changed jobs once whilst with me, but told me he hated the job prior to that aswell. For all of these jobs, he’s said he’s just had awful bosses who were unfairly critical of him. But I worry that maybe he was the problem because who has 3 bosses in a row that hate them for no reason?

Good job in the sense that it’s highly paid and sought after. He’s very highly qualified and intelligent. He just reacts badly when he doesn’t get good feedback and it makes him want to quit.

He won't be a good person to have a baby with

Why are you considering moving in and marrying him? What is he bringing to the table? Is it just you've been together a while and that's the next logical step in which case I'd re-evaluate and not settle for him