To be worried about boyfriend’s work ethic?

[Duplofez]

We don’t live together yet but I’m considering moving in soon, and then marrying who it having a family with him in the future.

I’m starting to worry about the future though, because it’s becoming clear that we have very different views when it comes to work. I think it’s really important to turn up every day, and I will very rarely take the day off ill. If I’m feeling under the weather, I’ll just work from home.

Boyfriend however will take any opportunity he can to be off work. He really doesn’t like his job, and every time he has even a minor cold he’ll take multiple days off work ill. He’s currently had an illness where the doctor recommended he work from home for a week, but instead he’s asked the doctor to write a letter saying he needs to be off work completely for 2 weeks. We’re then on holiday for 2 weeks so he’ll have been away from work for a month in a row.

I’d get it if this one a one off thing, but he also hated his last job and told me he hated the job before that too.

I worry that if we had kids and a mortgage etc in the future, him taking off so much time could get him fired and leave us financially vulnerable.

AIBU to be worried about this?

What will he do when you have young children? Take to his bed for two weeks with a 'cold' and leave you to it? I take it you will be paying for the wedding? How does he earn enough to live if he never goes to work?

Workshy is profoundly unnattractive, not to mention the financial implications of you supporting his sloth. The common denominator in all the jobs he hates, poor performance, bad bosses and time off sick is HIM. Can you not see that?

But as long as he cooks dinner and runs you a bath right? Almost worth your bar being on the floor. Why do some women do this to themselves? More fool you.

Everyone is telling you the same thing @Duplofez . They can't all be wrong.

Your own instincts are warning you too.

Listen to them and run for the hills.

He is a lazy skiver. It won't work as you have a responsible attitude. You can't spend the rest of your life with this shirker.

I've read on here several times about women dating a man with a job and when he moves in he packs in the job to cocklodge off his GF. Don't let him move in.

Now, to be fair, some people are entrepreneurs at heart. Trouble with this guy is that either he's really unlucky and has actually managed to find several bad bosses in a row. Or, more likely, he just can't tolerate any other opinions or being told there's room for improvement.

But let me tell you, paying customers will, on average, be way pickier than a boss. How is he going to deal with that?

But let me tell you, paying customers will, on average, be way pickier than a boss. How is he going to deal with that?

Very true. When you work for yourself the customer becomes your boss.

I'd throw this one back. He sounds entitled and lazy with zero self awareness

Don't take on a large hairy pet unless you can afford to feed it

😂😱😂

He doesn’t even get on the baseline for consideration if he’s work-shy OP.

He’s a non starter if he’s that unreliable in the work place.
Don’t move in with him.
Don’t let him think for a minute that you condone his taking sick leave like that at the drop of a hat. It seems he is well used to letting people down.

You need the opposite of what he’s presenting to you.
I’m grad you are realising you deserve better than that.

Most families need two full time progressive incomes to keep a roof over their heads these days OP. The stress of that is something you need to consider in finding a suitable life partner who you can love, respect and trust to work with you, not against you, through the coming years.

You are righ to think hard about letting this one go sooner rather than later.

The hills are that way OP. If you leave now you can walk rather than run.

I would not be able to commit to someone like that. He is showing you who he is. Think long and hard about this one. It sounds like he may also jump from job to job? Another red flag.

Oh no another one who thinks he'll start a business. With what?

Also what happens if a client gives negative feedback?

I had one like this. It was never him. He's job hopped and never did the business of the ground.

We've all had times where we've disliked our jobs but we have to get on with it.

Life is hard enough without worrying that you have to subsidise another adult.

What @HumanRightsAreHumanRights says is very true in my experience

He sounds really lazy. An apprentice cocklodger in the making

Sounds like my ex-husband. End this relationship now. You will be on egg shells wondering if he will work/be fired/have to resign. You will feel constantly humiliated by his inability/unwillingness to hold down a job. You will end up stressed about money. You will end up doing all the work and cutting maternity leave short in desperation to pay the bills. Do not even think about moving in or having children with this man. Take it from one who has been there

Op look really HARD at how YOU want your life to look like;

Do you want to only date within your religion, it is your decision ultimately.

Is wanting to marry and have children in a set timescale worth lowering the bar with a useless provider?

Do you want an equal partner who will step up if you or any children are sick or (god forbid) disabled?

Are you willing to be the main breadwiner through decades, alongside bringing up any children you may have? Think about how hard that could be.

Will you resent a spineless manchild who cannot commit to his job?

Will you still be attracted to him?

Do not fall for this one. My ex-husband felt that he was being victimised by colleagues and would be better off working for himself. Got one contract, got bad feedback and packed that in. It doesn’t matter what he does, he’s the problem

I think she must have had the misfortune of knowing my ex-husband. Embarrassment and humiliation doesn’t even begin to cover it; you end up constantly covering up

God that sounds even worse!

Can almost guarantee that will fail if he is lazy.

Get rid, move on.

I can guarantee that if you marry him, you'll end up supporting him and your kids and doing all the housework and you'll be back here in five years' time saying you're exhausted and trapped and you don't know what to do.

End it now.

If you're thinking of having children with him then he wont mind being the stay at home parent then will he.

OP I have called you an Uber. So you can ride over that hill as fast as fucking possible!

Seriously though, leave him. He’s making excuses for his poor work record by blaming everyone around him. He resents having to work, it’s as simple as that. Men like this make awful partners. You just cannot rely on someone who is constantly changing jobs, taking time off, etc.

Get out now before it gets anymore serious. Otherwise your future is going to consist of the following:

Failed rent/mortgage payments, reminders about paying bills; having to take on board all of the financials (and the stress that goes with that); broken promises (a LOT of them), never feeling like your relationship is really going anywhere; like just staying afloat is all that you can achieve together.

Is that the kind of future you want, OP?

If you're thinking of having children with him then he wont mind being the stay at home parent then will he

Yes, if you don't mind becoming his next unhappy and unreasonable boss.

Perhaps you need to venture out of the country, I’m sure there are other men across the globe who would be far more ideal than this work shy lazy boy you have.

if you have children and take maternity leave…what will you do if he decides to quit of go off sick and bills can’t be covered ? Or you have to cut maternity leave short because of him ?

always think about worse case scenarios