Can’t get onboard with new SIL she was the OW

[Boilinghotlady]

BIL was sleeping with the lady from work and split up his long term marriage. She knew he was married and had young children she continued to sleep with him. She was also in a long term relationship but no kids.

Shes now been introduced to us me and DH not a huge fan. We loved ex SIL so still trying to come to terms with it. MIL and FIL seems to like her and have forgotten all about the ex.

I have now heard through the grapevine that she is now pregnant. I have just naturally distanced myself from the whole family because it all seems very fake and full on.

AIBU? I don’t want to seem unwelcoming and bitter but it feels so messed up.

If you don't like her no need to fake it. Bil made his bed and all that. ..

Yeah I don't think I could be bothered to be "fake" nice to someone like that so i'd just avoid them.

Do you blame your BiL just as much? as he also knew he was married with kids. Got to treat him the same as the new SiL.

You don't have to be friends. Polite at family functions is all that's needed.

I guess I'd feel like I'd be that replaceable if my marriage ended

You seem to blame SIL for the breakdown of BIL family. It's on BIL, if it wasn't her it'd be someone else.

You haven't given any other reason for not liking her.

You don't have to like her or spend significant time with them, just be polite.

Yeah I don’t talk to him anymore really just small talk. The whole thing just feels sickening to me.

Tbh I'd stay away from bil, mil and fil. They sound horrible. Bil is to blame here as he's the onside who made commitments and had responsibilities.

MIL & FIL have forgotten all about the mother of. their grandchildren? Nice.

It will mean a lot to your SIL if you keep in touch with her. It’s a tough thing to adjust to.

I think only time will help a relationship develop with the new girlfriend. Just be polite for now.

@Boilinghotlady

Are you still close to your ex SIL? You don't have to cut her out of your life.

you don't have to be any more than civil to the new woman at your in-laws etc. or choose not to go if she's going to be there. You owe her nothing!! Nor BIL

Just take it one day at a time. Obviously your life would be easier if you too could put your morals to one side & just see her as BIL's new GF. But in a similar situation I wasn't able to.

BIL is disgusting. But as a woman I couldn’t sleep with someone else’s husband especially when young children are involved.

We loved ex SIL
Why don’t you love her anymore? She’s still family as she’s the mother of your nieces/nephews. But no YANBU

Its perfectly okay to decide you dislike someone because you don't like their actions and you disagree with them morally. So i don't feel you need to be anything but cordial around her when you see her. But the same should apply to BIL aswell.

I think all you can do in this situation is be cool and polite when necessary. Maybe I'm judgy but I think if they'll screw over their partner then how can you trust them not to screw you over if it was to their advantage.

I feel really sorry for the children he already has, hopefully he still intends to be there for them when they need him.

I’d be nice to SIL and invite her out with the cousins.

what a twat BIL and the OW are…

I haven’t spoke to SIL in a good year as the divorce was messy. I do feel like reaching out but don’t want to start any drama.

Me and hubby have well distanced ourselves will let them carry on playing happy families.

It’s a real eye opener when this happens - a great insight as to how you’d be treated and how disposable you are as a DIL/SIL if your DH finds a shiny new model, even if you’re the mother of their grandchildren/nieces and nephews.

In a similar situation I found I naturally and quite effortlessly distanced myself from them all.

Polite and civil is the best I can manage.

'BIL is disgusting. But as a woman I couldn’t sleep with someone else’s husband especially when young children are involved.'

Unfortunately you don't know exactly what the brother in law told her.

I haven’t spoke to SIL in a good year as the divorce was messy.

What does this even mean?

One minute you love her and the next you're saying you've not even supported her?

I would be the exact same, I think it speaks volumes about the type of people you are, in the way you have responded to the situation. His poor first wife, I'm glad she has someone in the family who thinks this behaviour is shitty.

I don’t feel it was right to keep texting her considering the circumstances. Nasty court battle and they both did messed up things.

I think you should judge her by her personality and forget the rumours and drama.

BIL and ex-SIL marriage failed and the affair is sign of other martial problems.

Try to be kind to both new GF and exSIL

I agree with @SauviGone

As for the SIL/BIL, I would keep things cordial if I saw them. I'd be treating both BIL and SIL the same. I don't get the idea of "BIL is disgusting BUT as a woman.." they are equally wrong.

Odd that you sided with your brother in the divorce but now distance yourself. If you’ve distanced yourself then just carry on doing that.