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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

350 replies

airc · 09/08/2024 07:33

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 09/08/2024 07:50

SunflowersMidwinter · 09/08/2024 07:49

I'd have gotten up half way through with my baby, walked over and told him we're doing a full- swap

BUT I'd be annoyed that I had to ask/ say

Me too.

Bromptotoo · 09/08/2024 07:52

Thought this was going to be the couple sat together but window or aisle thing that Mrs B and I disagree over.

Leaving you with both kids, one on your lap, is unforgivable.

Darhon · 09/08/2024 07:53

You had a child who needed to sit in a lap. The parent with the single seat needed to take that child. He was a shit but also you shouldn’t facilitate this - children need to be comforted by both parents.

Cabbagepatchkid1 · 09/08/2024 07:53

YANBU I’d be pissed off with his selfishness

StuckOnTheCeiling · 09/08/2024 07:53

airc · 09/08/2024 07:49

My understanding was that he'd come up and check on us and for a possible swap, he never came to even say hello to us.

We were going to see how things go, because the kids can be clingy in new places, like I said.

To me it meant, he'd come up, ask how we are, perhaps try to take the little one and see how it goes.

None of that happened. But he did definitely say that he'd come and check on us and see how things were, once we were up.

Ok, so what next?

Are you going to have this conversation with him instead of us?

Are you going to insist he has both kids on the return flight?

Yes, he was an arse. But you can either address it or let him get away with it.

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:53

@Procrastinates that's not true. We had an understanding he'd come up and we'd see how it goes. He didn't do what he said he would do.

he should have come up and then we could have decided what to do, as discussed.

OP posts:
Testina · 09/08/2024 07:54

Of course he’s a selfish arsehole, but talk about martyring yourself.
Why take both kids yourself? (I don’t buy “clingy” - that’s how they stay clingy.
Why didn’t you walk them up to him during the flight?
Bet you’re going to take them both if it’s the same seating coming back.
Bet you’ll do more than half the childcare on holiday.

And why?

Well, partly because you enjoy the attention of complaining about him with a stranger on a plane and strangers on line more than you want to actually tell him to do better.

Pretty pathetic from both of you. Seriously- drop the martyr nonsense.

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:54

@Pigeonqueen I couldn't get up. The lady next to me was disabled and needed help to move. It was just not possible to get up unfortunately, otherwise I would have.

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 09/08/2024 07:55

Of course YANBU. My DH would’ve come to speak to me even now our kids are adults! How bloody rude!
I suspect this is indicative of his behaviour in other areas.

AndThatsItReally · 09/08/2024 07:56

Josette77 · 09/08/2024 07:43

I also don't understand why you didn't each take a child?

Because not possible for Take Off and landing, (illegal), and not a lot of space to have a large child on your knee in a plane seat. It was three hours - food would be served for some of that. You couldn't use either tray table then.

This wouldn't bother me - it's only three hours - strapped in or food service for about one of them - moving disturbs everyone. But then we all have different relationships. I did exactly that to Dubai - but then of course there were other times when he got the rough end of the stick and I was taking it easy. As a couple we worked it out. That plane trip doesn't mean he's an arsehole, (though it doesn't men he isn't either - we don't know).

Procrastinates · 09/08/2024 07:56

airc · 09/08/2024 07:53

@Procrastinates that's not true. We had an understanding he'd come up and we'd see how it goes. He didn't do what he said he would do.

he should have come up and then we could have decided what to do, as discussed.

Was it an understanding though because you've said more than once you thought he would do this, a general come and see us when we're in the air isn't a plan. The plan should have been made when the seats were booked, it's not like the arrangement was a surprise.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/08/2024 07:56

I did online check in for our flights the other day and it’s randomly put DH and our 11 year old together on both and me behind but I’ve said to both that if she wants we’ll swap on one of them so she can sit next to me on one of them

Blogswife · 09/08/2024 07:56

Very selfish . I trust he’s having the kids on the return journey . ?!

Isthisit22 · 09/08/2024 07:56

Just get up and swap. So many martyrs on here

sunsetsandboardwalks · 09/08/2024 07:56

Honestly, it sounds like you played the martyr a little bit.

You knew the seating arrangements, said you'd be okay and chose to keep both children with you - you also didn't ask for help or call over to him at any point - why?

Yes, he should have offered but you shouldn't have sat there suffering either.

HaveYouSeenRain · 09/08/2024 07:56

Testina · 09/08/2024 07:54

Of course he’s a selfish arsehole, but talk about martyring yourself.
Why take both kids yourself? (I don’t buy “clingy” - that’s how they stay clingy.
Why didn’t you walk them up to him during the flight?
Bet you’re going to take them both if it’s the same seating coming back.
Bet you’ll do more than half the childcare on holiday.

And why?

Well, partly because you enjoy the attention of complaining about him with a stranger on a plane and strangers on line more than you want to actually tell him to do better.

Pretty pathetic from both of you. Seriously- drop the martyr nonsense.

Agree
and why didn’t you book seats together? Were you trying to save money and hoping someone would swap.

cannellonies · 09/08/2024 07:57

So he went to the toilets but didn’t ask if you or your 3-year old needed to go?

SweetChilliGirl · 09/08/2024 07:57

So on the way back, he can take both kids and you can read peacefully for three hours, right?

sunsetsandboardwalks · 09/08/2024 07:58

airc · 09/08/2024 07:54

@Pigeonqueen I couldn't get up. The lady next to me was disabled and needed help to move. It was just not possible to get up unfortunately, otherwise I would have.

What would have happened if one of your children needed the toilet or was sick?

Of course you could have got up Confused

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:58

@HaveYouSeenRain no I wasn't frying to save money. We booked it all last minute so I don't have a choice but to take those seats.

We booked last minute because that's just how it went this year for us, due to work etc

I always pre book seats etc. I'm not a tight arse and I would never expect someone to move for me.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 09/08/2024 07:58

So what happened on the way home? Did you have the same seats? If so I am hoping he had both children the entire return flight!

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:59

SweetChilliGirl · 09/08/2024 07:57

So on the way back, he can take both kids and you can read peacefully for three hours, right?

We are already back and got seats together on the way back.

OP posts:
Testina · 09/08/2024 07:59

airc · 09/08/2024 07:54

@Pigeonqueen I couldn't get up. The lady next to me was disabled and needed help to move. It was just not possible to get up unfortunately, otherwise I would have.

Of course she could have got up. She’d have got up if anyone in the row needed the toilet.
She certainly was invested enough to be vocal enjoying commenting on his absence, so I’m sure she’d have been delighted to let you out to drop a child off, if you’d actually wanted to do something about it.

Was he so far away you couldn’t stand in your own seat and wave?

You couldn’t have pressed the call button and said, “I don’t want to get this lady up, could you ask the tosser in 17C to get down here please?”

He’s in the wrong, but sounds like you counted down the minutes to 3 hours so you could moan 🤷🏻‍♀️

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/08/2024 08:00

In that instance I'd have said "you can have the 1 year old on your lap and I'll sit with 3 year old, or would you prefer the other way round? We can swap halfway if the kids need a change of parent/face".

Why didn't you?

cannellonies · 09/08/2024 08:00

airc · 09/08/2024 07:54

@Pigeonqueen I couldn't get up. The lady next to me was disabled and needed help to move. It was just not possible to get up unfortunately, otherwise I would have.

Sounds like a nightmare for everyone. Her having to sit next to someone with a one-year old on the lap an you not being able to get out in an emergency as she would be blocking you.