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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

350 replies

airc · 09/08/2024 07:33

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 09/08/2024 07:43

You knew before you got on that your seats were not together. Even if, as others said, he booked it, it should still have been a conversation you had before you got on the plane.
No way would i have accepted this. I would have done one adult one child. And if he thought he was getting away with no responsibility all flight i would have asked a member of staff to go and get him if i couldn't attract his attention myself.

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:43

I reserved the seats but it was too late to get seats together. I assumed we'd be swapping. The kids can be pretty clingy with me, especially when we are somewhere different. However he could have come up and talked to us and seen how we were.

The lady sitting next to me was also appalled by his behaviour. She was twice divorced herself and was like ' this is not a good sign '. ' you deserve better '. It was funny at the end when he made an appearance the lady looked him up and down and gave him the dirtiest look..

OP posts:
ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 09/08/2024 07:43

Onehotday · 09/08/2024 07:42

Oh I see the man haters are out in full force this morning 😂

Man haters? What about this situation do you think is okay?

Josette77 · 09/08/2024 07:43

I also don't understand why you didn't each take a child?

OrangeSlices998 · 09/08/2024 07:43

Why did you say it was okay if it wasn’t?

Why did you martyr yourself and have both kids?

YABU

ProudDada · 09/08/2024 07:44

airc · 09/08/2024 07:43

I reserved the seats but it was too late to get seats together. I assumed we'd be swapping. The kids can be pretty clingy with me, especially when we are somewhere different. However he could have come up and talked to us and seen how we were.

The lady sitting next to me was also appalled by his behaviour. She was twice divorced herself and was like ' this is not a good sign '. ' you deserve better '. It was funny at the end when he made an appearance the lady looked him up and down and gave him the dirtiest look..

Did she not offer to swap seats with your husband?

HettieBettyBoo · 09/08/2024 07:44

Why did you sit with both children? He could have sat with the child in its own seat while you sat with the one on your knee if you needed to feed. I wouldn’t have given him the option tbh, he’d have had one of the children. You could always have asked cabin crew to ask your husband to come down, no way would I have sat here with two kids while he was snoozing at the back of the plane.

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 09/08/2024 07:44

He was thoughtless but you made a martyr of yourself. You could easily have spoken up or given him the baby.

Book seats together next time.

WorriedRelative · 09/08/2024 07:46

Once you realised which seats you had why on earth didn't you agree that one had the baby on the single seat and the other had the toddler?

Much safer in the event of an issue.

NCfor24 · 09/08/2024 07:46

Totally selfish.
And I think assuming you'd swap part way is totally reasonable, it shouldn't have been a conversation that was needed. In future you won't forget to have it again though, will you?

Or take the learning...you know you can fly solo with 2 kids. Holidays have kids clubs. Does he need to be with you next time at all?

I love the independence of doing stuff solo with the kids so that when my husband is an arse I can remind myself I don't need him.

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:46

@ProudDada

She couldn't. She wasn't very well herself and she was in an aisle seat. He had a middle seat. She had a cane and stuff and just couldn't sit in the middle and couldn't really move around without support either. I had the middle seat with my one year old on my lap.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 09/08/2024 07:46

airc · 09/08/2024 07:43

I reserved the seats but it was too late to get seats together. I assumed we'd be swapping. The kids can be pretty clingy with me, especially when we are somewhere different. However he could have come up and talked to us and seen how we were.

The lady sitting next to me was also appalled by his behaviour. She was twice divorced herself and was like ' this is not a good sign '. ' you deserve better '. It was funny at the end when he made an appearance the lady looked him up and down and gave him the dirtiest look..

So you kept both kids because they are clingy?

I would have given him one regardless. The kids would have been fine, and your DH needs to manage

Whaleandsnail6 · 09/08/2024 07:46

Why didnt you speak up? You said "I'll be fine..." Why not say lets take a child each? Or in 30 minutes come and get one?

Yes he's selfish and lazy but dont stand for it! Dont just allow yourself to become the default parent and quietly stew on things, set out expectations before these things happen

wellno · 09/08/2024 07:47

I would be absolutely furious. And my respect for him would wither.

betterangels · 09/08/2024 07:47

You martyred yourself and then seethed about it. YABU.

LoneHydrangea · 09/08/2024 07:47

What a selfish arsehole. My husband would never do this in a million years. In fact, he’d be insisting on having both kids to give me a break.

Original poster
airc · 09/08/2024 07:49

My understanding was that he'd come up and check on us and for a possible swap, he never came to even say hello to us.

We were going to see how things go, because the kids can be clingy in new places, like I said.

To me it meant, he'd come up, ask how we are, perhaps try to take the little one and see how it goes.

None of that happened. But he did definitely say that he'd come and check on us and see how things were, once we were up.

OP posts:
Onehotday · 09/08/2024 07:49

LoneHydrangea · 09/08/2024 07:47

What a selfish arsehole. My husband would never do this in a million years. In fact, he’d be insisting on having both kids to give me a break.

Do you tell your husband you'll be fine and then get angry at him afterwards?

OP sounds toxic tbh.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/08/2024 07:49

Ooft, he’s nice isn’t he. Make damn sure he does the return leg on his own.

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 09/08/2024 07:49

Onehotday · 09/08/2024 07:42

Oh I see the man haters are out in full force this morning 😂

I prefer "women with standards" myself...

SunflowersMidwinter · 09/08/2024 07:49

I'd have gotten up half way through with my baby, walked over and told him we're doing a full- swap

BUT I'd be annoyed that I had to ask/ say

HotPotato123 · 09/08/2024 07:49

Why didn’t you hand him the one year old to have at the start of the flight?

why say it’s ok?

TemuSpecialBuy · 09/08/2024 07:49

Why say it’s okay? It’s not!

not in a smug way but this just wouldn’t happen to me. I wouldn’t allow it.

either I’d have handed him the baby or
I’d have said let’s swap at the half way mark and if he didn’t I’d have walked down at said time to swap the children in tow and screaming and everyyyyone watching.

if SOMEHOW it did I’d be insisting he do the full way back.

if he was shirking and I couldn’t address it for some reason I’d be raising merry hell.

Procrastinates · 09/08/2024 07:50

betterangels · 09/08/2024 07:47

You martyred yourself and then seethed about it. YABU.

This ^^

Yes he was shit for not checking in but you booked the seats, you said it was fine and you made no plans to split the children or swap so you could share the load. You need to be less of a martyr!

Dearg · 09/08/2024 07:50

YANBU . I will guess that, if challenged, he will hang on to you saying ‘Don’t worry. I’ll be fine’ and ignore the bit about checking in later.

He was enjoying his child free break from parenting. Thats why he didn’t bother to check, just in case you needed him to actually help.