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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

350 replies

airc · 09/08/2024 07:33

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 09/08/2024 08:34

Excuse my ignorance, I don’t fly on planes any more, but can you not send texts - eg: “Get over here and swap with me NOW you knob end” or something?

SaintHonoria · 09/08/2024 08:35

You have a voice. Instead of sitting their fuming, you call out loudly to him -

'DEREK! DEREK! It's your turn to sit with the children!'

Then you get up and walk to where he's sitting.

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2024 08:36

airc · 09/08/2024 07:43

I reserved the seats but it was too late to get seats together. I assumed we'd be swapping. The kids can be pretty clingy with me, especially when we are somewhere different. However he could have come up and talked to us and seen how we were.

The lady sitting next to me was also appalled by his behaviour. She was twice divorced herself and was like ' this is not a good sign '. ' you deserve better '. It was funny at the end when he made an appearance the lady looked him up and down and gave him the dirtiest look..

So in actual fact you left it too late to reserve seats together, you chose to keep both children with you and you didn’t hand over the baby during the flight.
Yes, your dh is an arse, but your passive aggressive stance did you no favours.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 09/08/2024 08:36

I’d be annoyed.
Why didn’t he take the 1 year old to go on his lap? Or sit with the 3 year old and have you go with the 1 year old to the back?

WickieRoy · 09/08/2024 08:36

PuppyMonkey · 09/08/2024 08:34

Excuse my ignorance, I don’t fly on planes any more, but can you not send texts - eg: “Get over here and swap with me NOW you knob end” or something?

No, you can't text on a plane. You could WhatsApp if there's WiFi but I wouldn't expect that on a short flight.

betterangels · 09/08/2024 08:36

SaintHonoria · 09/08/2024 08:35

You have a voice. Instead of sitting their fuming, you call out loudly to him -

'DEREK! DEREK! It's your turn to sit with the children!'

Then you get up and walk to where he's sitting.

Or get up without the yelling and involving other passengers in your domestic issues?

TimetoPour · 09/08/2024 08:37

I’m not sure this is something I could get worked up about.

I think it would make more sense for me to take my small 3 and 1 year old and spread ourselves across two seats rather than try to shoe horn a grown man and a baby in to a middle seat between two other strangers. My two would definitely be easier to keep amused together and by me rather than DH. Keep shifting them around just creates more drama and unsettles them.

YABU for being a martyr - if you wanted help, you could have asked the cabin crew to fetch your husband.
Other passenger is unreasonable for not keeping her nose out of it.

Sunsetbeachhouse · 09/08/2024 08:37

Onehotday · 09/08/2024 07:42

Oh I see the man haters are out in full force this morning 😂

Well it's not like the ppl posting don't have a point... dh is completely out of line or did you miss that part and from the entire thread all you've picked up on that man haters are out in force...🙄

cannellonies · 09/08/2024 08:39

betterangels · 09/08/2024 08:36

Or get up without the yelling and involving other passengers in your domestic issues?

Show quote history

I’m sure some people would actually do this and not care about other passengers..

ByCupidStunt · 09/08/2024 08:39

I bet he couldn't believe his luck lol.

All you can do is learn from it.

Getonwitit · 09/08/2024 08:40

What did your children's father say when you brought this up with after the first flight?

Twinklefloss · 09/08/2024 08:40

My DH would have just heard the bit where you said : “don't worry I'll be fine” …

Soontobe60 · 09/08/2024 08:42

AndThatsItReally · 09/08/2024 07:56

Because not possible for Take Off and landing, (illegal), and not a lot of space to have a large child on your knee in a plane seat. It was three hours - food would be served for some of that. You couldn't use either tray table then.

This wouldn't bother me - it's only three hours - strapped in or food service for about one of them - moving disturbs everyone. But then we all have different relationships. I did exactly that to Dubai - but then of course there were other times when he got the rough end of the stick and I was taking it easy. As a couple we worked it out. That plane trip doesn't mean he's an arsehole, (though it doesn't men he isn't either - we don't know).

Show quote history

The OP had the baby on her knee and the toddler in his own seat. Her DH could have had the baby on his knee instead.

PuppyMonkey · 09/08/2024 08:42

WickieRoy · 09/08/2024 08:36

No, you can't text on a plane. You could WhatsApp if there's WiFi but I wouldn't expect that on a short flight.

Show quote history

Ah I see, thanks. I’d have maybe passed a message back to him through one of the stewards then. “Tell the knob end in seat 65 to come and take over” etc. Grin

cannellonies · 09/08/2024 08:42

It turned out our seats were not together.

I assume you checked on your phone where your seats were before you got on the plane so you knew what your arrangement would be?

Dollmeup · 09/08/2024 08:42

Obviously he was at it and is in the wrong, but honestly I think you are being a bit unreasonable too.

My husband would definitely try this as he is a lazy shit at times. However I am well aware of this tendency so I don't put up with it. If he didn't come down to check on us ("oh but you said it was fine") and I couldn't get up due to a disabled passenger I'd get a flight attendant to ask him to come over. Then I'd get him to take the baby.

HowIrresponsible · 09/08/2024 08:43

It was only a 3 hour flight. The children are clingy without you.

You've seen how small planes are right. You want him fart arsing around walking up and down the length of the plane, standing in aisles and talking to you? I hate people thst do that on short flights.

Gruello · 09/08/2024 08:43

Controversial, but no it wouldn’t bother me. I prefer them to be next to me so I can make sure they wear their shoes to the loo and eat their food etc…

SoozyWoozy5 · 09/08/2024 08:43

He is a selfish arse and has shown you how little he cares for or respects you. What a prince..

Starlight1979 · 09/08/2024 08:44

So you've already been away, had the return flight and now you're back home and posting about it? That's not a great reflection of a healthy relationship regardless of what happened tbh...

I would have been pissed off but would have done something about it at the time. And if there was no way of me getting his attention / moving on the plane then I would just have spoken to him about it when the plane landed and sorted it out.

You can't still be angry about it now?!

EdithBond · 09/08/2024 08:47

YANBU.

He should’ve taken responsibility, without being asked, and offered to swap with you for a while. It wasn’t considerate or kind to leave you with such tiny children on a 3hr flight.

He’s their parent and equally responsible for them. But even if you were travelling with another relative or friend, it’d be considerate and kind of them to ask if you needed anything. Most people would.

As a PP asked, have you discussed this with him?

FrangipaniBlue · 09/08/2024 08:48

What reason did he give for not checking in?

Tbf I'm kind of with other posters, you should never have selected the seats so that 1 parent had both children.

When you say you told him "it was fine" was that because he mentioned you having both children?

You said you couldn't go to him because you were in a middle seat but so was he, perhaps he couldn't easily move either?

Sounds like the pair of you made a pigs arse if it all tbh and you both need to get your shit together better.

FrangipaniBlue · 09/08/2024 08:51

CRG01 · 09/08/2024 08:11

Why are posters asking why the OP didn't have a child each. Er because it was the OP understanding that they would swap or at least, she will be checked upon.

All the replies are so infuriating, acting as though she had a crystal ball. Also, who are you to decide what decisions are made best for a family you have no idea about?

🙄

Did you read the part where the OP said it was her who selected the seats?

FrangipaniBlue · 09/08/2024 08:54

Bekindtoyourselfandothers · 09/08/2024 08:14

I'm quite surprised at the number of pp having a go at OP.
Before they took off OP had every reason to believe her DH was decent and caring and would indeed come and check up during the flight as to whether all was OK or if he could help.
She discovered during the flight she was wrong and that he is infact capable of being selfish and uncaring about her and the children's welfare.
I think OP has every right to feel let down.

I think the point is, why did she even put herself in that situation in the first place??

The whole thing could have been avoided if the seats had been selected so that 1 parent was with each child.

If OP knew she needed to be with the younger child they could have selected the seats so that she was in the solo seat with the younger on her lap and her DH next to the older child.

Feellikeafailurenow · 09/08/2024 08:54

Why didn’t one of you sit with the 3 year old and one take the 1 year old on your knee at the back? We’d have did that & still swapped throughout but you told him not to worry you would be fine. You could also have walked down to him
with the 1 year old and said “here”
🤷‍♀️ i would be furious too but he has probably thought as you didn’t go down you were fine but i do think not checking or coming to speak to you was crap and you are right to be annoyed about that