Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

[airc]

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

Dh would have come and checked on us, if he hadn’t i would have been furious

we once had a 2 hour ish flight to spain, 3 month old, 20 month old and a 4 year old. Decided that one parent would have 3 month old on lap, the other parent would have the other two and then we would swap

had the 3 month old for the first hour and swapped with dh, lady sat next to dh asked if she could hold the baby FOR AN HOUR!!!!!

Jammy bastard 😀

I'm quite surprised they sat a babe on knee and a young child next to someone with significant mobility challenges.
As the only fully able adult out of 4 people an emergency would have been a challenge.

So you're one of those people who a partner can't win with? Doesn't check in at all, selfish. Checks in regularly, annoying.

That was on the immobile lady’s group though - feel like they were a bit naughty sitting her away from the rest of their group

You couldn’t be more wrong. I just don’t like people who insist on hanging over you for 10 minutes or so in such a small space. Not on a plane. To just check in is absolutely fine.

How is chatting to you, or entertaining their own child, "hanging over you"? Asking if you need a break? Or to go to the loo? Taking a baby off you for 10 minutes?

It’s not what flights are for. Then you all need to sit together.

Have you read any of OPs post? They booked what seats were available. There wasn't enough together. That happens sometimes. Even booked seats aren't guaranteed with some of the budget airlines. In those circumstances, my husband cares enough that he'd come and check in, make sure I'm not going to be losing my mind by the end of the flight. Except, he probably would have taken the baby to the back with him, or sent me back there with the baby. Or, he'd take them both and tell me to go have some time to myself.

Because that's how partnerships work.

I did read them all, other people have written anout their experiences too and I was talking in general.

Because that's how partnerships work

And stop being patronising. I’m not in the UK and live in one of the most equal countries on earth. After 25 years with my dh there hasn’t been a single we haven’t shared everything.

Sorry for being blunt, and at the risk of going against the grain, you're being very silly to ruin a holiday for this. You could have always walked over to him instead of stewing. But even disregarding that, a 3 hour flight isn't that long for you to be 'furious' and make such a big deal. Get over yourself and stop being petty.

Why did you not say anything? . If that had been my DH I would have said “nice try” and handed him the baby.

Also have you actually mentioned how mad you were to him since you got back?

Say nothing. Act fine. Book the same on the return. Help him settle, ask him to hold baby and then say you weren't able to get seats together so you're taking the spare one as it's not fair to expect him to do it twice.

Then serious conversation when you get home. And please, if you aren't already, make sure you are regularly finding reasons and hobbies to leave him alone with both kids so you dint become default parent.

To me, the issue isn’t how you ended up in separate seats. You did.

The issue is your DH wasn’t considerate, which he could have been without unduly inconveniencing other passengers, and this (understandably) upset you.

To resolve it and avoid future problems (especially now there’s a second child to look after) open communication is vital. What expectations and needs do you both have? Can you agree how you parent as a team?

Some parents prefer to share responsibility equally. Some mothers prefer young children with them, e.g. because they’re breast feeding or, as the main caregiver, children feel more comforted with them. Either is fine. Personal choice.

But usually if one parent has the children with them (tiring/demanding with young children), then the other parent can help by being attentive to their needs, e.g. are you OK? do you need a break? as you’ve got/had the kids with you, I’ll see to x.

In fact, we should all realise the best way to help any carer (including a carer of a sick/disabled adult) isn’t always to take over the care, but to look after the carer.

Yes, he would and he has.
He’s also very tall, so when we travel I usually book him the aisle seat and we sit in the adjacent row as a three (me +2 children).

We travelled long haul, often when they were both very little. It wouldn’t bother be if I didn’t have assistance for the entire flight.

I'm not sure why this appears to have irked you and you feel the need to question whether my other half would be able to do this.

I would be absolutely livid.

I have read all OPs posts. OP told her DH she was fine with 2 kids. I don’t understand why she took the 2 kids instead of giving one to him. Them being clingy is not a good reason to martyr yourself with 2 kids. So, like I asked - why did op not give the baby to DH? Or swap seats with DH so he could have the 3 year old?

Sorry I really have to ask why him being tall makes a difference to looking after the children?

Surely he can sit in whichever seat he thinks works best for his height with a child beside him, and you and the other child together.

I mean I don’t really need to know but I’m just curious why height comes in here.

So disabled people or those with less mobility have to somehow get across three seats to a window seat? Really? And negotiate three seats if they want to go to the loo?
Surely that is against the Disabled Discrimination Act. They should be allocated an easily accessible seat.

"Don't put Granny in the corner"

I still don't understand why that unpleasant woman didn't offer to swap seats with the husband. She could have asked a crew member.

3 hours? Honestly, it wasn't 13 hours long haul in which case I'd have been miffed too.

Storm in a teacup.

Do you work full time and do the majority of the housework and managing the kids too?

I sense there is a backstory....

What's the point of moaning now? He is wrong in not checking but you could have got up and walk to him if he is not bothering. You did say you'll be alright to start with, but if you need help, just ask steward to call him.
Why not just speak out then instead of just sitting and sulking.

Why just walk the baby over to him at some point? You can tell everyone else you are upset for him not reading your mind but him?

Men don’t think like women. Saying “I’ll be OK” to them means exactly that. It is no good fuming that he took you at your word. Make sure he is in no doubt that he is in charge of both children on the return journey. And if I were you I’d be taking myself off for a spa or something equally relaxing and expensive and leave the children with him for at least three hours one day when while you are away. Don’t let it spoil your holiday. Enjoy yourself.

Men don’t think like women.

Decent men do. My husband would be bending over backwards to look after the kids to the point where he’d be doing the lion’s share to make sure I wasn’t.