Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

[airc]

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

What did he say when you (presumably) called him out on why he didnt come and check on you ?
Just to play devil's advocate for a minute but is it possible if he had appeared in the aisle the dc might have started fussing /wanting go with him/whatever and you would have been talking over the lady which if l were her would piss me off tbh unless it was just a quick 'how ya doin' kinda exchange.

Would it not have occurred to you that it's only 'fine' if the one year old didn't require a nappy change, or the three year old, or indeed you, a toilet trip? Or if one or both children became bored and restless? Surely you can imagine that it was 'fine' due to good fortune rather than as default?

if it was so important then upon booking they should have started the process of buying seats together. Obviously this is different for most airlines but most these days give you the option to pay to sit together and allow you to do it early so unless it’s a last minute booking it should have been possible

It was a last minute booking and there were no seats together when I booked.

It wasn't a budget airline either.

I think it's common sense he should have come and at least said hello on a three hour flight.

I've flown alone with my kids plenty of times, that's not the point. It's just common courtesy to say hello and check if all is ok. You don't just sit back and chill for 3 hours.

I haven't read the full thread but the first page was all 'how dare he'. So I'm going against the grain.
It's 3 hours, I don't think its that bad.
I would have called my husband to come and assist when I needed help, not expect him to telepathically know when I need help.
And even if he stood up, came and asked if you're alright, what if just after he left you needed help? Hoe often should he come check .every half and hour? To the chargrin of the person sitting beside him
No, I wouldn't have been annoyed to be honest.

So, because they as a couple didn't select seats together (which could be due to cost or availability) then it's not sufficiently 'important' to require both parents to share responsibility, and perfectly reasonable for one to look after both children while the other relaxes? I've seen some stretches here to excuse male selfishness, but really, that's a long one.

So he sits in the seat assigned to the parent and baby???

Yeh that’s fine, they could have done that.

I know from experience it can be difficult getting around a plane.

they knew the situation up front, they should have discussed a plan and the op laid out the expectations. Yes it would have been nice for him to have offered/to come check but I think you can’t be too annoyed about it.

This is totally against airline rules too.
Disabled or impaired mobility persons should sit by the window as they can prevent you and your children getting out in the event of an emergency!

Just swap on the return leg and he looks after the kids. Whenever we get three seats together - we alternate who gets to sit with our child as he gets travel sick etc and it's not fair for the same parents to be dealing with it on both legs of the trip. Now if he doesnt agree to swapping, then you have a problem.

When we (2 parents) have flown with 1 child we’ve always split it up into turns or on shorter flights done a leg each.

Of course she could have got up. She’d have got up if anyone in the row needed the toilet.
She certainly was invested enough to be vocal enjoying commenting on his absence, so I’m sure she’d have been delighted to let you out to drop a child off, if you’d actually wanted to do something about it.

Lots of supposition there about enjoying and delighted

I think you can be annoyed that your husband and co parent didn't care enough to check in once. That's the problem. My DH would have popped down at least once to see if I needed a break or the toilet or anything.

He probably would have been there the whole time because he loves us.

Would thier father not be capable of that?

Everyone saying the OP told him “we’ll be fine” is missing out the rest of the sentence.

She said “we’ll be fine but come and check on us once we’re up”

That’s a totally different message to just “we’ll be fine”

Obviously a decent person would have checked in either case, but even if he was thick as mince, she’s specifically told him to check on them. With the clear expectation there’ll be some swapping and changing if needs be.

Urban myth about the body parts

People have misunderstood, as it seems have I. The quote I was responding to is why the parents couldn't each take one child - which I thought meant the adults sitting together with a child each on their knee. Which isn't possible for an older child.

I see now that some people understood that to mean the baby with dad and the older child sitting next to mum in a different part of the plane. Which is not what I thought OP was aiming for from my understanding of her post. She wanted the dad to swap with her or sit with her. But who knows. In the end it doesn't matter - it's her family and she's not happy with her DH.

The lady sitting next to me was also appalled by his behaviour

She sounds like a stirrer.

Why didn't she offer to swap seats with him so you could sit together?
Any decent person would have done that, especially on a three hour flight, especially rather than be sitting next to a baby and a toddler.

Why weren't you in the front row with the baby in a bassinet in front of you?

Have a lovely holiday.

You can't call someone on a flight.
She couldn't get out of the seat without disturbing a disabled lady.

She was twice divorced herself
There's a common denominator there.

Don't all the seats have oxygen masks?

I read OP’s messages, no need to be rude.
My children also would have preferred to be with me in a similar scenario but equally wouldn’t have screamed if DH too them to sit with him. A child old enough to have their own seat is definitely old enough to accept that they can’t dictate seat arrangements.

So I stand by my point: when there are two children and two adults, why would one adult martyr themselves by looking after both for 3h on a plane.

You have not addressed why one of you (in the single seat down the back) could have had the 1yo on lap and the other up front have the 3yo next to them. That way both of you would have had a child to deal with each on the 3hr flight. Why didn’t you hand him the 1yo to take or tell him you’d take them down the back and he could sit with the 3yo? Thats the solution, not moaning on Mumsnet.

Yes.
My dm, 89, is always put next to the window.

they all have an oxygen mask for the person sitting there but not an extra one for a baby on lap. They are only in some places (depends on the plane)