Would this annoy you- husband - plane seats

[airc]

We went away recently, 3 hour flight.

It turned out our seats were not together.

My husband was on his own at the back and I had two seats, one for me and my 1 year old son on my lap and one for my 3 year old.

When we sat down, I said- don't worry I'll be fine. Let's see how it goes, maybe we can swap. Come and see us when we are up there.

He did not move from his seat once. I saw him go to the toilet. But not ONCE did he come up to our row, ask how we are OR take one of the children.

I was furious.

AIBU ?

No, in reality the price is £18.90.
Nobody in my family would pay for seat selection (all adults capable of sitting alone on a short flight).
Everyone would travel hand luggage only so no need for a checked bag. I can easily pack enough for a week’s holiday in a Ryanair underseat bag

Of course you can swap seats. People do it all the time. Sometimes the cabin crew will ask people to move, to even out the weight distribution for take-off. You obviously don't fly very much.

Babies on laps get allocated seats (on the parents lap) the plane based on which seats are suitable for them. It might not be the case for all airlines but for many they can only go in certain places based on the oxygen masks etc. You can’t just move them to a completely different row as it might not be one that allows infants on laps. (Note, this does vary a lot by airline)

So when you asked him why he sat on his backside the whole flight what did he say?

I can’t count how many times we’ve flown, around the world wirh my children since they were three months old. I have never experienced this. Even last week on our flight within Europe there were several parents swapping.

He was so unreasonable I’m spitting on your behalf!

I never had my two both so little at the same time, but having one in that age range was always a nightmare.

I think I would have gone crazy trapped with two little ones in a non aisle seat anyway, but him not coming to check, and at least take the one year old off you, would not be forgotten easily.

Its things like this that lead to the divorce rate being so high as you can’t forget the utter, bone-deep selfishness.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 There is always one extra mask on each row as far as I know, to accomodate children.

But a couple traveling with two babies might be different..not sure if they could sit in the same row.

The lady sitting next to you was wise— saw right through your husband.
By saying “I’ll be fine” — do you often feel you have to say this to allow him to duck out of his responsibilities?

Yeah so if there is already a baby on a lap in that row another one can’t be accommodated. Yes maybe that didn’t apply in this situation (we don’t know) but it does mean that on lots of flights they wouldn’t just allow you to move a baby to a completely different part of the plane in case it isn’t able to accomodate them.

I would be so annoyed!!

It wouldn’t even cross my mind not to check on you.

If I was him I would have swapped half way through and not taken no for an answer.

When you saw the seat assignments and no options to change, why didn't you hand him the baby to hold for the flight?

I get why you're angry but to be fair, you did say "don't worry, I'll be fine". Could it be that he took you at your word? Was there a time when things got out of control, and was he close enough to have noticed if they did? What was the rationale behind not reserving seating for all three of you beforehand? And more importantly, is this an isolated incident, or do you tend to feel like this a lot in the relationship?

Using this episode in isolation, I do wish he had been more considerate BUT I also think the planning could have been better on both your parts and you didn't do a good job of expressing your needs or giving him the room to help.

That said, given that you were angry enough to post here, I doubt it's isolated, and I think there are deeper issues in your relationship. It might help to seek counselling (perhaps as a couple, but more importantly for yourself) to figure out what exactly is going on and how to move forward.

A couple traveling with twin babies might not be able to sit in the same row, I guess.

We once had one of those cots for our baby, so he could sleep. Not the best 24hr flight I’ve ever had.. 😅

We went to the Costa del Lockdown, but wouldn't have made it past Center Parcs regardless.

My stbxh does shit like this which is why we're now divorcing. It won't get any better. As someone upthread has said, this shows exactly what he thinks of you- not much.

But she also said that not once did he take one of the children. So it's clearly an option.

We can't hold other people responsible for our assumptions. I think it would have helped if you communicated that assumption as a request or boundary. "Can you sit with X and I'll take Y?" or "I'm going to sit with X and you'll take Y." But what makes things worse is you did communicate , but you communicated against what you wanted. So even if he had read your mind or intuitively wanted to help, you shut the door to that.

I'm not sure what in the relationship dynamic or your own belief system made you feel like you couldn't tell/ask him, but that's where the problem lies.

You're both BU.

I have absolutely no idea why you didn’t just pass him the baby .

im assuming that the toddler had to be next to you in its seat for take off , but the baby on a lap pass it to dad . Even if you are feeding baby , dad can bring them back when hungry.

I can’t imagine a situation where I wouldn’t have just passed a child to my husband In this situation.

yes he should have checked, but I think you have made the mistake of giving the option to be selfish

Just another selfish prick on MN.
Take it as a real sign as just what a loser you married and had children with and start adjusting YOUR tolerance level for him.

How did you convey your annoyance?
You were very silly to tolerate this.
i would have asked the hostess to get a message to him to get his arse up here now.

He has just shown you exactly who he is and the wise woman beside you could see it clearly.

Keep family, friends and your career close, you will need all three.

I had a client who used to fly first class while his wife and child flew economy.
He was very wealthy.
Not only did he do this, but he felt totally cool about it and would tell people, including me.

I mean if I was going to engage in such shady behaviour (I wouldn't) I wouldnt boast about it!

It’s got nothing to do with man hating. It’s the fact this individual who had two children to look after didn’t do just that. It’s selfish and just shows he thinks it’s not his problem.

My husband would immediately have taken the baby and then we would have swapped half way. But then, we also would have made sure our seats were together because being separated on a flight is no fun.

I've travelled on my own with my two at that age, and while it's not exactly relaxing it's been fine. If my wife had been on the same plane but not able to sit with us, that would also have been fine.

So if I'd been in this chap's position, and my wife had explicitly told me "I'll be fine", I've a horrible feeling I'd have taken her word for it.

YANBU however surely would have been better for him and 3 year old to take the 2 seats and you sit with 1 yo on lap in the other seat?

Horrible selfish behaviour with no thought for you or his children's needs. Unfortunately with one if these you can only fight fire with fire. Tell him on the return trip its his turn to sit next to 3 year old with one year old on his knee. And if you're still together next time you go away, tell him you're taking a child each, or one has both and you swap half way. If he hasn't got the decency to support a flexible arrangement without taking advantage, you need to set a fairer one out.