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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare - is she being a CF?

268 replies

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 16:55

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

OP posts:
DaisyDewks · 07/08/2024 16:57

Absolutely not a chance!!

Allthehorsesintheworld · 07/08/2024 16:57

I might do it as a one off but would have to watch it didn’t become an expectation. Also I suppose SIL could reciprocate and babysit foc for you while you and DH have a night out.

eish · 07/08/2024 16:57

I would agree to Thursday as DH is not working but absolutely refuse Friday. You are working.

TheTripThatWasnt · 07/08/2024 16:58

Is she your brother's wife, or your DH's sister? (ie - whose side of the family is she on?)

If on your DH's side, up to him whether he has his niece on his day off. And if on yours, up to you what you do on Friday. (For me, the Friday would be a big no. You're working. End of.)

InterIgnis · 07/08/2024 16:58

Your DH isn’t willing and is upfront about it. Just follow his lead, there’s no need to feel guilty.

hulahoopqueen · 07/08/2024 16:59

DH has hit the nail on the head 😂

purewhitesnow · 07/08/2024 16:59

I suppose it depends what the relationship is like in general ? Are you all close? Does she offer to babysit for you etc?

MounjaroUser · 07/08/2024 16:59

No way would I do that.

2chocolateoranges · 07/08/2024 17:00

You are working and pay for childcare, she’s being a CF!

oapcarer · 07/08/2024 17:00

Be careful. It could become a regular thing if the neighbour blows her out for good

HaPPy8 · 07/08/2024 17:00

If it’s the first time she asked in 10 years I’d do it.

BuggeryBumFlaps · 07/08/2024 17:01

I might offer Thursday of dh is happy to do so (if she asks again in short succession I'd refuse) but there's no way I'd look after a child whilst I was wfh.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 07/08/2024 17:01

I would do it given she's ten and you won't really need to do anything, surely that's what family is for. A two year old needs a lot more looking after than a ten year old!

Original poster
Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:01

Sorry didn’t mean to drip feed. She’s my brothers wife, DH is taking DD to see his mum Thursday so really can’t expect him to take her too, so essentially she would be at my house watching tv for 2 days which isn’t good for anyone. However SIL is practically begging saying she can’t take the time off work yadda yadda.

She also doesn’t drive so needs me to pick her up and drop her back each day 🙄 hate being put in this position. I love my niece and she really is no trouble but she needs more interaction than being shoved in front of a screen all day.

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 07/08/2024 17:01

Assuming that you don't have the 2 year old at home while you work just say that your work have a policy that you can't have children in the house when you wfh. Let dh make his own excuses.

DaisyDewks · 07/08/2024 17:02

Oh wait she's 10, not 2. Yeah I'd prob do it. Not as a regular thing though.

GabriellaMontez · 07/08/2024 17:03

And your brother?

Timetodownsize · 07/08/2024 17:04

our work policy is that you cannot wfh while caring for anyone so it would be a no. Also whats your brother doing ?

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 07/08/2024 17:04

Just say you can do Friday if you want to but husband can't on Thursday as he's not at home.

Tygertiger · 07/08/2024 17:05

No. She needs to pay for childcare like other parents do. If she works 10-4 she might be able to get a kids’ camp at the leisure centre or similar.

GreenIvyy · 07/08/2024 17:06

Say no. Dh has plans and your wfh which is difficult with kids. The end. Mute/archive conversation or bury mobile under the patio!

Is the summer of CF childcare requests?!? Seems to be loads lately!

Awrite · 07/08/2024 17:07

Where is your brother in all this?

SIL is avoiding childcare.
SIL is a cf according to dh.
SIL works.

All SIL. Ah, I've just realized ... she's not your brother's child?

bloodyeffinnora · 07/08/2024 17:07

I would do it, shes stuck, they're family and it's not a regular thing. also she's 10, so can entertain herself mostly.

LookItsMeAgain · 07/08/2024 17:09

When you say "She just texted" is that the neighbour or your SiL who texting asking to have the kids? To me, this bit wasn't clear.

If it's the neighbour - she's WAY out of line.
If it's the SiL - she should be asking her brother (your DH) and if he can do a day, that's entirely up to him but you have ZERO obligation to look after these kids while you're at work.
Does SiL not have anyone else that she could call on to look after her kids? Where is the kids father in this? Where is his family in this??

boyohboys · 07/08/2024 17:10

Absolutely not whilst you're working and up to DH if he wants DN to accompany him to his mum's for the day. I wouldn't mind my niece or nephew spending the day with me and LO they might both quite enjoy it and a nice bonding experience.

Mum or dad need to take Friday off or both if you can't help. Don't be guilt-tripped into disrupting your working day - a 10 year old is NOT self sufficient and. My work wouldn't be impressed if they know I had children at home on a work day.