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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare - is she being a CF?

268 replies

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 16:55

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

OP posts:
AppleTree16 · 07/08/2024 18:27

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:21

Brother is self employed and they’ve said they can’t afford for him to take the time off, and she has no family nearby. Realistically it’s just me because I WFH.

I’ll say I will do it this week as a one off but she’s going to have to make other arrangements going forward.

You are mad. Why are you saying yes????

bridgetreilly · 07/08/2024 18:30

Honestly, I would say yes. Tell her to send packed lunch, books and things to do. Also make it very clear that in future you won’t be offering this service.

Noshowlomo · 07/08/2024 18:30

I think the neighbour will start saying no more often as well.

Blogswife · 07/08/2024 18:31

I’d say “no sorry - I’m working on Friday” . I’m sure your employers wouldn’t be too pleased if they found that you were also babysitting someone else’s child in their time !

diddl · 07/08/2024 18:31

I wonder how long they have known that the neighbour couldn't do it?

gardenmusic · 07/08/2024 18:31

I can guarantee that this will not be the end of it.
Do it if you must, but make it very clear that it is a one off, or you will become default child care every time the neighbour is not free.
Working from home is working.
Been there, done that with all the 'Can you just...'

whereisthelifethatirecognize · 07/08/2024 18:31

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:01

Sorry didn’t mean to drip feed. She’s my brothers wife, DH is taking DD to see his mum Thursday so really can’t expect him to take her too, so essentially she would be at my house watching tv for 2 days which isn’t good for anyone. However SIL is practically begging saying she can’t take the time off work yadda yadda.

She also doesn’t drive so needs me to pick her up and drop her back each day 🙄 hate being put in this position. I love my niece and she really is no trouble but she needs more interaction than being shoved in front of a screen all day.

Absolutely a hard no from me.

I'd be clear about it, too: you work and pay for childcare. You will not have her and risk your own job over it, she can risk hers. Or take leave. Or put her in a holiday club for a couple of days. Or hire a babysitter. Or leave her home alone for 2 days; she's 10, not 2.

not your job to run around and sort and you're setting a poor precedent and expectation by doing this.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 07/08/2024 18:43

Talk to your brother.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 07/08/2024 18:45

Just say no!

ButterCrackers · 07/08/2024 18:45

The answer is no to childcare. At ten years it will be easy to find a baby sitter for her but that costs. You are wfh on Friday with childcare and your dh is looking after your dd on Thursday so it’s not possible to look after your dn.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2024 18:46

CasaBianca · 07/08/2024 17:19

Just say you can’t do childcare while working and that your employer is strict about this. If she insists: « SIL, your argument is that you don’t want to risk your job by taking time off, surly you can understand that I won’t risk mine to solve your problem »

This is perfect

You pay for childcare for your 2yr as not allowed kids at home when working

So it's a no

Where is your brother /dad and her family

Girl is 10. Sure she can go to a school friends for a few hours or a club 9/3

SouthLondonMum22 · 07/08/2024 18:46

sunsetsandboardwalks · 07/08/2024 17:56

Yes, another drip feed!

Show quote history

Hardly surprising though. She’s working.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2024 18:48

Hardknocks · 07/08/2024 17:21

Brother is self employed and they’ve said they can’t afford for him to take the time off, and she has no family nearby. Realistically it’s just me because I WFH.

I’ll say I will do it this week as a one off but she’s going to have to make other arrangements going forward.

Sorry missed this

Sure they Can afford one day

Or pay for 9/3

What happens if she has say a sickness bug and needs to be at home. One of her parents needs to take time off work

They've had 10yrs of paying no childcare

selldonaterecycle · 07/08/2024 18:49

I hate this 'oh well you're going to be at home' malarky when you are actually WFH. You're working, not sat around drinking tea and enjoying yourself. It'd be a no from me. You are working and DH has plans. She needs to sort her own shit out.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/08/2024 18:55

"Hi, I'm afraid that we can't help on Friday,Hardknocks is WFH and isn't supposed to be responsible for any children in the house while she is working, that's why we send baby Hardknocks to childcare."

I'm not quite sure why your husband can't take both kids to see his mum if he wanted to - as it's his brother's child, surely it's her grandchild? If he just doesn't want to look after her, fine, but you need to say that.

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 07/08/2024 18:57

She is definitely being a CF and it's very foolish to say "just this once" because if you give a CF an inch they take several miles.

It's very dodgy to be in charge of children when WFH. Most employers would treat that as a disciplinary matter.

Astonmaid · 07/08/2024 18:57

YABU to even consider it when you are working at home all day.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2024 18:58

Also the brother will “lose money” if he takes time off. Yes, we all do, whether it’s taking annual leave with has a monetary value, being a paid day off, or by booking childcare.

Annual leave can often be bought (additionally) or sold back to the company, so it very much does have monetary value.

Phineyj · 07/08/2024 18:58

I wouldn't do it for fear I'd end up replacing the neighbour.

I think she should be going to work with the self-employed dad.

My DD goes to work with DH when we have this sort of situation (men get cut a lot of slack with that kind of stuff...)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/08/2024 18:59

ApiratesaysYarrr · 07/08/2024 18:55

"Hi, I'm afraid that we can't help on Friday,Hardknocks is WFH and isn't supposed to be responsible for any children in the house while she is working, that's why we send baby Hardknocks to childcare."

I'm not quite sure why your husband can't take both kids to see his mum if he wanted to - as it's his brother's child, surely it's her grandchild? If he just doesn't want to look after her, fine, but you need to say that.

It’s the OP’s brother’s wife not the husband’s sister.

So in effect it’s a request from OP’s brother to look after his child, made through his wife for some reason.

You would assume it’s the husband’s sister from the OP, I agree.

MellersSmellers · 07/08/2024 19:01

If she'd been let down at the last minute by the neighbour, I'd do it I think. But making it clear that you're working on Friday and you really can't do anything to supervise/entertain.
If she's just been disorganised I'd say No to the Friday.

Tengreenbottles2 · 07/08/2024 19:04

2 days watching telly as a one-off isn't going to harm the child.

The question is whether you will actually be able to work with her around. When I was 10 I would have been good as gold, you wouldn't have known I was there, but not all children are like that. As a one-off I'm sure you'll be fine.

ButterCrackers · 07/08/2024 19:05

OpizpuHeuvHiyo · 07/08/2024 18:57

She is definitely being a CF and it's very foolish to say "just this once" because if you give a CF an inch they take several miles.

It's very dodgy to be in charge of children when WFH. Most employers would treat that as a disciplinary matter.

Good point. If an emergency happens and you’re on a call or getting a time set job done you’ll have to leave your work. Looking after a child (not yours) wouldn’t be an acceptable reason for missing work.

gardenmusic · 07/08/2024 19:13

As a one-off I'm sure you'll be fine.

Yes. You will be fine, and you will be fine next time, too, and the next.
Also, when the neighbour decides not to do it anymore, what's a few more days? It worked OK last time. It will be fine.
I'm sure you can adjust your day to do the pick ups and drop offs.

In a 'nice' world, your niece would be bought in by Mum or Dad in a taxi if necessary, and taken home in the same way.
You would be profusely thanked, maybe with a little gift and a definite arrangement to return the favour.
You would not be asked again for a long time.
Chances of that? They are already pushing it with the pick ups and drop offs!

LoquaciousPineapple · 07/08/2024 19:14

I don't think it's cheeky to ask about tomorrow if DH is home anyway and doing childcare.

Whether I consider Frisay cheeky depends whether she genuinely does just want her kid in front of the TV all day and if the kid would do it. If they would, I don't think it's cheeky to ask, but I would still say no.