Childcare - is she being a CF?

[Hardknocks]

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

It matters because OP is working. She’s paying for hers to be in childcare to work, not so she can look after someone else’s child for free.

@Hardknocks I would say that at the very least, your brother needs to bring her over to yours and collect her!! rush hour on fridays starts around 3pm and it is a nightmare crossing town. no idea how far they live from you but i can see this escalating into a regular occurence and them just using you!! you are being taken for a mug by both your brother and sis in law!

Do not give her an inch. Some people have very strange ideas about WFH - that it is somehow not real work because you're not physically in the office. If you give way, she will carry on asking you. She needs to address her childcare issues properly and at the very least communicate with the neighbour properly to avoid last minute problems (assuming it was a genuine communication error and she hasn't just left it until it's an "emergency" in the hopes of pressuring you into doing it). It's the summer holidays, for Christ's sake, it's not a surprise that her 10-year-old needs looking after.

Well, I don't really think having a 10 year old on your sofa watching TV counts as childcare.

But as OP has done a massive drip feed that she already does plenty of actual care, that changes things considerably.

You said "my 9 and 7 year olds entertain themselves".

I certainly wouldn't want to look after a nine and seven year old for a whole day.

Especially while Im working From home alone.

Seven is young . He could easily get into an accident

This. It's likely true; every employer I'm aware of doesn't permit childminding to be mixed with wfh.

Her emergency is not your problem. Let her find and pay a minder.

'sorry I'm working, DC is in this holiday club I imagine they might have spaces. Unfortunately I can't take on Friday as it's a disciplinary offence as part of my contract to have children at home with me whilst working'

She's a CF

OP I would say no.

You are working from home.

Also, it's not like your SIL has any kind of childcare properly sorted out, which she needs to do.

The neighbour is starting to back out and your SIL is going to start landing the child on you more and more if you say yes

I would say no.

Sil can pay for a summer camp

This

Yes to Thursday
No to Friday

If you're happy to do it Op that's fine but I'd be very aware you're setting a precedent here. If the neighbour gets ill or fed up with the situation your SIL will be straight back on to you. Most employers really don't like you having children at home when you're WFH so I'd make it very clear this is a one off, you can't afford to lose your job because your DB and his wife don't want to pay someone to look after their DC

No is a full answer.

I would definitely say no

To the person that said I was drip feeding - I certainly wasn’t purposely.

I have said it’s a one off as an emergency this week, my work don’t allow me to work with children at the same time but on this occasion I’ll make it work as she’s in a bind.

I would have said no straightaway.

Sometimes you have to stand up to people.

Especially in this instance where she has very shaky childcare in place.

How on earth would a neighbour ever be able to take care of the child for five days every week.

I’d be disciplined for that if my work found out I had a primary age child at home when I’m supposed to be working.

OP’s work may be more relaxed about it but many places aren’t.

Yes my workplace would not allow me to have a child in the house if I'm working from home either.

I would get disciplined for it.

As I said on another thread, there would need to be a serious emergency for me to look after someone else’s child whilst I paid for my own to be in childcare. This doesn’t sound like one- a failure to plan on your part is not an emergency on mine.

She’s in a bind because they have unreliable childcare.

I hope your work don’t find out. I certainly wouldn’t be taking the risk.

I would have said a flat out no to the Friday. Once you’ve done it once she’ll think it’s open season whenever she’s “in a bind” ie doesn’t want to pay for childcare.

The Thursday when your husband is off work I might have said yes to in his shoes as the 10 yo can help with the 2 yo.

Edit - I’ve seen she’s not his sister as I assumed but your brother’s wife - so request is really from your brother to you: still no to the Friday though.

If that was the case, OP wouldn't be on here asking, surely?

I posted without seeing your updates Op and now I really don't think you should be doing this. You already look after your DN at weekends, while it's nice you have a good relationship with her it sounds like your DB and his wife aren't happy and also aren't facing their obligations. If their relationship breaks up I can see them expecting too much from you. Remember, there's a big difference between you being a kind Aunt and taking your DN out now and then and them being CFs who take you for granted - a favour is one thing, feeling entitled to your time is quite another

Surely at 10 years old there’s a ton of fun holiday clubs she could be doing. I thought most primary schools offered them. It’s one thing if SIL is really stuck but it’s not acceptable to just be too stingy to pay for childcare and park your child in front of TV for 6 weeks….

I wouldn’t be disciplined, I work for a very lovely and flexible charity however it’s not the point. I don’t have DD at home because working from home with a 2 year old is impossible, but DN will sit in front of the tv.

I was just trying to gage if I was being unreasonable for feeling pissed off and what others would do in my situation.

OP has just said that her work doesn’t allow it.

If you were always going to look after your niece anyway, why come on here asking if her mother is being a cheeky fucker 🙄

As a one off I'd do it. Ten year olds don't need nearly as much minding as 2 year olds who need eyes on them at all times. Make it clear to SIL you're working so she will be entertaining herself with TV/reading etc.