Childcare - is she being a CF?

[Hardknocks]

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

Not sure what the big deal is tbh. Family should help each other. Presumably they’d step up if you were in a bind?
My 9 and 7 year olds entertain themselves if I happen to be working (a teacher training day or whatnot) and haven’t got childcare. They aren’t any bother at all 🤷‍♀️. The 3 year old goes into childcare as he is definitely bother!

The SIL has always relied on others to watch her child; I’d say it’s one off if say, club fell through last minute, an emergency happened to the paid childcare and she has a career breaking/making event so she can’t take a day or two off. But with a person like that it’s usually you give them an inch and they take a mile.
also OP’s H has plans for one day and she paid for childcare so she can work on the second day.

If normally SIL paid for childcare, I would suggest being accommodating. If it was for something such as going to a funeral, then yes straight away.

Feel no guilt by a simple no. I'm glad to read of your DHs view.

Tell her absolutely not to Friday. Say that work would issue an immediate disciplinary if you were seen to be doing childcare while in meetings and you're not willing to risk your job.

It's up to DH if he does Thursday but tell her she must drop off and collect.

I would say yes. She is ten and I can't see the problem. You SIL works shortish days too. If you feel aggrieved you could ask if she could watch your kid while you and your DH have an evening out.

Absolutely not. It's up to your DH if he wants to babysit his niece/nephew, but she's taking the piss expecting you to babysit when you're working. Nope.

I don’t think this is CF territory at all unless there is a back story. She is 10. At 10 my two could entertain themselves all day, make lunch etc, especially as 10-4 isn’t a very long day. As a one off it would be fine for me. If you have vibes that it might continue beyond this though, agree you should set your boundaries down.

Yes but all of OP's comments weirdly leave out her brother "SIL has avoided paying for childcare" "SIL can't take time off".

I'd guess the SIL would make an excuse not to reciprocate.

Her or your brother need to take emergency leave from work. Feel a bit sorry for their neighbour.

Honestly it depends on your niece and the relationship with your SIL. It’s not necessarily CF territory and I have done this for relatives and friends in the past.

Some 10 year olds absolutely would be easy to WFH with for a day and just need someone around for true emergencies. Others would not be. You’ll need to use your knowledge of your DN on that one, but this isn’t remotely like asking you to watch a toddler.

But I wouldn’t open this door with your SIL if you think it will become a constant thing.

My DD is 10 and once a week I WFH and she mooches at home. I usually set her up with some school thing, audio book and something like Lego, then she gets TV for a bit and I got for a walk with her at lunch time.

If she's going to need more entertaining, SIL needs to book a holiday club that you could offer to take her to?

I agree with this.

Her childcare arrangements have fallen through so it’s not cheeky to ask as a one off.

I definitely wouldn’t do Friday though as you are at work, it doesn’t matter whether that’s at home or in the office.

Just remember that if she gets stuck again, you’ll be in the same situation because you’re saying yes this time.

is your work ok with WFH with a child at home? If not it isn’t something I’d risk either.

Oh gosh replies are coming in faster than I can keep up with. I don’t have a particularly good relationship with brother or his wife - but I do have a close relationship with my niece so put up with their questionable behaviour. I look after her regularly on weekends, I just thought it was cheeky for her to text me at 4pm the day before she needs cover.

What's their questionable behaviour?

I mean, it's up to you whether you think it's feasible to have a 10yo in the house while you work on Friday - if not then it's perfectly reasonable to say no.

But no, I don't think it's cheeky fucker behaviour to ask for one-off help from a sibling/IL in a childcare crisis 🤔I can't imagine being in a family where we wouldn't try to help each other out with things like this, if it was reasonably compatible with our own plans.

I’ve discovered over years, that the best thing to sort out the CF is to fight fire with fire.

text back saying “that’s absolutely fine we can make it work, and that’s great news for us, as you can reciprocate for us this weekend and have our DD overnight so we can go out. I can drop her off, when I drop your child off on Friday thanks.”

she won’t ask again

You're making a rod for your own back. Agree to this once, and you'll be doing it on a regular basis. I honestly wouldn't - because you won't be able to work properly with a child to look after anyway.

Questionable as in lots of drinking/arguing at home, hence looking after her on weekends but that’s separate to this thread

This is one of the reasons why so many companies don’t want to continue with WFH. You can not look after a child properly and do your job properly - it’s not fair on you or your niece.
You can and should say no, they’re totally taking the piss.

But OP's child is two and the niece is 10 - in terms of care and supervision, you really can't compare the two. OP even says herself that she'll just watch TV.

I also can't see why it matters that the SIL doesn't use paid childcare? She had an arrangement in place that fell through so now needs some help - it's not really relevant that that help happens to be free

I would be concerned that this would become a regular request.

You need to say no, as you are working, not running a childminders.

So you already look after your niece at the weekends and now your SiL is asking you (as a once off .... for now) to look after her tomorrow and Friday?

Tough shit.

Brother is going to have to take a day or two off and look after his own kid. I feel so sorry for the kid here but it is NOT your responsibility nor is it your DH's responsibility to look after this kid. Your brother has to step up here.

How is it separate when you already do plenty of childcare as it is?