Childcare - is she being a CF?

[Hardknocks]

DH and I both work full time, but he’s off on a Thursday when he looks after DD who is 2.

SIL works 10-4 Monday to Friday and has so far avoided paying for any childcare for 10 year old niece by getting the neighbour to watch her..

Anyway the neighbour can’t do tomorrow or Friday so she has (just) text me to say please could DH have her tomorrow and I have her at home with me Friday (I WFH). I have work meetings but she said oh don’t worry she will just watch tv.. DH thinks she’s being a complete CF. I feel guilty for potentially saying no and leaving her in the lurch but also pissed off that I’m essentially paying for childcare for DD and looking after someone else’s child.

WWYD?

If she’s quite self sufficient at 10 years old, a one-off is doable. Don’t say no because you resent her not having to pay for childcare usually. Maybe ask her to send a packed lunch.

Yes, another drip feed!

No one follows a seven year old around the house supervising them though. My 7 year old is more than happy playing with her dolls or drawing independently. No im not leaving them in the house alone and if there was an emergency they would interrupt my meeting to tell me. They know what they aren’t supposed to touch in the house - ie the oven. But they are more than able to make themselves a drink, snack and entertain themselves. I’m not any more worried about the 7 year old having an accident any more than I would a 12 year old.

If your niece is so lovely and well behaved then why can’t she go to work with her self employed Father ? I don’t see why it’s so easy for your to work AND look after her and yet so hard for her own parents .

WWID? - I personally would say yes. Your ten year old Niece will take a lot less looking after compared to her 2 year old cousin. Why wouldn't you want to help your sister out?

Thanks everyone, this will be my last message on this thread because people have got their knickers in a twist tonight as usual 😂 goodness.

I was just asking for opinions and as a vent because I was put in a difficult situation. I will be doing it as a one off, but certainly not a permanent thing.

Personally I think the cheeky bit is to expect you to pick up and drop off.

I would say yes, and in return she can look after yours on X and X dates.

just out of interest, do you think your husband would feel the same if it was his side of the family asking?

I think your context about the drink and arguing is relevant, personally I do WFH and wouldn’t want a child nearby, but I’d also rather she was kept safe. So I probably would look after her if it gave her an easier home life, but long term I’d be wanting to know how to make her feel safe. I don’t think your short term childminding will help this family long term after all.

It’s your choice what you do. Personally I think you should keep quiet about working from home going forward, it’s no one’s business if you are in the office or not. Plus lots of employers are wanting employees back in the office, so I’m sure you can use that as a cover.

I think if the situation is as desperate as it sounds I would do it as a one off. But I’d make it absolutely clear that that is what it is. Tell her she’s a huge CF to expect you to take care of her child when you’re paying for childcare yourself and that you don’t expect to be asked again.

Why doesn't she drive if it's a requirement for your lives ?

What!!!???? I honestly dont think that Mumsnet is serious most of the time. Send her with a packed lunch!!??? It is her Auntie and Uncle, The sibling has asked to look after her child for 1 day!!!

I am shocked how many ppl voted AIBU.

i am assuming you don’t provide her any childcare since you have not mentioned. Girl is 10 yrs old so barely need any supervision or attention. How you DSIS avoided paying for childcare and how she was getting it sorted it is her business, lucky her. Its your sister asking you for a favour and you barely loose anything by doing her that favour so help out. You might need help at some point too. Dont be so bitter she's avoided childcare cost.

@wutheringkites I ahve a 10 year old and she watches a lot of tv ! So Im not being judgemental - but it sounds like the SIL is just not willing to find a better solution for her child. This isn't an emergency - the SIL had the summer coming up - and even my child would be bored rigid of an entire day of screens!

And having a kid in my house is of course work - checking they are okay etc, worrying they have been doing nothign all day -

and it also sounds like the SIL does this a lot? So it's nnot just one day.

no wonder we have an obesity crisis and MH crisis among kids if it's absolutely considered fine to not bother arranging anything for a 10 year old during the holidays.

As a one off yes I'd do it, a 10 year old won't need much supervision while you're WFH

I think you’ve been kind to say yes OP. Realistically a 10yo is very different to a 2yo. I think everyone thinks wfh with an under 5 is probably taking the piss. Between 5 and 8/9 it’s child dependent and a bit of a grey area. A 10 yo should require very minimal supervision and could probably be left for a good few hours so I couldn’t see any employer having an issue at that age.

Now whether a whole summer being alone and being largely alone watching tv is a good thing for a 10yo is a separate question. Where id be more cross though is expecting you to ferry around and facilitate the transport. I’d have said yes but on the condition your brother drops her off.

I don't get all the negativity either, it's emergency childcare for a couple of days, won't do her any harm to watch tv/draw etc while OP is working. And yes I do WFH.
I don't really get why DH can't take her along with him on Thursday either, she'd entertain the 2 year old presumably?
You help family out in a tight spot right?

However SIL is practically begging saying she can’t take the time off work

Neither can you. You are at working from home, and some people do not see this as a job. Put them straight. You are working.
She needs better back up if relying on a neighbour's goodwill.

I think my contract expressly forbids me having a child in my care while WFH - I could lose my job if I got caught out, so I wouldn’t take the risk! Plus I like to enjoy my lunch breaks when I WFH and DC at nursery - sometimes I nap 😂

Yeah but OP's child is 2 so obviously needs supervision and wouldn't be able to just watch TV while OP works

You are working, not lounging around. She and your brother need to pay someone to watch their child.

I have watched people’s children for actual emergencies, like someone going to a hospital or someone dying. Even taken time off work to do so. Not just family.

their lack of planning is not your problem.

I think this is quite a good approach

Helpful, but calling in the favour in return

Why can't BIL drop the child off?

I think I've missed the CF bit, because I can't see that she's asked for anything extraordinary.

That's what I would probably do.

Does SIL not give the neighbour anything?