Autistic daughter - to ask what’s “in” for School uniforms, school bags, lunchboxes, drinks bottles

[Agn]

I have a daughter who is starting secondary school. She is bright & lovely and on the autistic spectrum. She likes to blend in. She has a history of emotionally based school avoidance. If her ducks are not all in a row, she is going to go to pieces. She might stop going to school or refuse to leave home, if things get off to a bad start. My usual strategies are to try and offset when she is becoming stressed and get her into school, whatever it takes.

She gets very uptight and tense about everything being perfect (as opposed to my sloppy ways) and I really want to get the things which fit in with the majority of teen girls.

In terms of school bags, what is the in thing? Ditto for school skirts, school shoes, lunch bags, water bottles etc. It is an ordinary secondary school and she will want to blend into the background.

I have bought the school uniform items which are mandatory and just need to get the above. And not get her anything weird or which sticks out!!!

With an autistic child, you often need to choose your battles and getting her an education is of primary importance to me.

Giant Stanley cups if my local high school is anything to go by.
you sound lovely OP 🌺. You might want to link with the pastoral lead for Y7 to discuss any issues that you think might help them help her.

I think it depends on your area op, and you know that people have different tastes, they can all be ‘in’. One of my DD’s likes ballet pump style shoes, another one like big chunky ones with buckles from the local in shops (no brand), both are popular in school. They do like a large designer bag, leather tote style ones, a lot of the pupils have them. Skirt wise mine all have to get a certain one from the uniform shop. Water bottles literally anything. The only thing that would stand her out by me is a lunch bag, at secondary they all tend to have lunch money, I don’t know any of them bringing lunch boxes or packed lunches to secondary school

It definitely depends on area - round here they don't seem to wear leather "school shoes" and the state school kids all wear black trainers or converse. The girls mostly wear leggings or "bum bandage" type stretchy skirts and carry giant handbags that are clearly going to damage their youthful spines

generally, you can’t go wrong with kicker boots. They are universally worn in all secondary schools. (I work in a secondary school and have visited a lot recently)
local fashions do apply.

my dd who is going into y8 has asked for a black leather Ted baker tote bag 🙄

It absolutely depends on area.

What I would do is get a cord tote (as this is what's in Urban Outfitters) for the start of term then if she wants a bag that fits in with your particular school once she starts then you haven't spent a million pounds.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/KALIDI-Corduroy-Capacity-Handbags-Shoulder/dp/B09PBFS4QD/ref=sr112sspa?crid=3NQ8FR9ZUKIHM&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.xslg5GxQ0Yghvuzbp1yDtJ-pDZYuClCiheWhrbiIz99QvkNUkBIx3P7M0WvtMvgwT0OPhLwmmBulGsem906e3PzGazzAdWj967-1jdCqMnbt3fdCIjo6TmuNHW3JHhZyKLLImi8PLI6FdNEME9MELA1-xSdcgmpi3WXFeW097xR7OhzQdBmi9g-9EhhQsc5ZiWrDCHHzimWFpDDDmZKxc9RIRFjLPeRKHwSDCrsMlyPOL4L5z6O8C--4USo-KoxPHD13DkvRvjgs9hPh1Qg9BCNoEJh3oayv9hnFuFHhW0.WiyFJVm603ZOmc0VQ2Txy2bKMRxXlwwxHgRTRMZ0WZs&dibtag=se&keywords=Cord+tote&qid=1723039181&sprefix=cord+tote%2Caps%2C100&sr=8-2-spons&sppcsd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

People at our secondary don't have lunch bags. If she is taking an ordinary sandwich then you can get sistema boxes just for a sandwich.

I agree that it differs school to school so if you can find a local mum to ask that would be good. At my DD school:
School skirt - only 1 choice at uniform shop
School shoes - ballet pumps
lunch bags - Sistema box with compartments
Water bottles - Stanley cup (although not practical)
School bag - black patent shoulder tote bag
PE bag - JD sports carrier bag
Coat - black north face slightly padded no hood

Stick to the uniform policy to the letter. Make sure the shoes you buy match the policy regardless of whether or not they are "in". Make sure that the school doesn't specify rucksacks only.

For lunchboxes, super plain tupperware-type boxes. My y9 dd uses a Sistema one with various compartments but at the school I work at they seem to go for something simpler. There again, the kids at my school generally don't seem to care I don't often do duties in the dining room. I’ve never, incidentally, heard kids being awful about other kids' bottles but if she wants to blend in so long as you don't go for anything that looks like it comes from Smiggle anything goes really.

Don't buy her a lunch bag though. That absolutely will not go down well.

I wonder if there would be any point asking the school if you don't know any Mums.

Tote bags aren't allowed in my daughter's school - it's just whatever generic sports brand rucksacks are going in Sports Direct or whatever.

Waterbottles - Air Up are supreme kings, or any of the metal type ones.

Similar recent thread Secondary school bag help!! | Mumsnet

Also checking the school website / social media channels which might give you some clues.

Secondary teacher here. Hype and Fjallraven Kanken bags seem popular. Haven’t noticed any trends in water bottles but just keep it plain, Chilly ones are good. Stanley cups will probably get banned for being too big and noisy. We have a specific school skirt. Coats at Canada Goose or copies of those, Tommy Hilfiger is back in.

Could you go and park outside the school and watch at the beginning or end of day to have a look at the bags, coats and shoes? You would get a general idea of the 'look' even if not specific brands.
Obvs don't be creepy and start staring, just be discreet and pretend you are waiting for someone if questioned.

At my ds son, the girls wear kickers, have nike or similar back backs, have fun pencil cases (even the lads, which the girls seem to give them) no lunch boxes, lads seem to bung sandwiches in ikea's bags and girls use a sandwich box, like plastic take away container. Phones are mainly iphones. My ds is going into year 11 but have nieces starting in year 7.

Totally depends on the area and year group. My kids go to a different school to the one I teach at - looking at under 20 miles difference- and there's no way I can give my dc advice on what's 'in'. Although dd is quite into those big ribbons. If she gets it confiscated that's her problem.

Agree re Kickers and Stanley cups (don't fit into any bag but hey!). At my dd's school black Nike rucksacks are the go with no specific lunch bag. Pencil cases from Typo are popular

Both my kids (male and female) had plain backpacks. Ds's was adidas and dd's was a large Kipling one. Ds had a Nike water bottle from sports direct and dd had a sistema one.

Lunches in sistema tubs with compartments.
Dd liked skater style skirts rather than the spray on tiny black ones others wore.

Dd had plain lace up brogues from next although lots in her school wore converse shoes (in Scotland so less strict uniform rules)

I love those ribbons! The school I teach the girls go to great pains to coordinate with their uniform/contrasting colours.

They are allowed at dd's school but must be black.

It totally does depend on the area - if you wore kickers at my DCs school you would be an outcast! Can you post on local Facebook groups? It will also depend on the schools policy and how strict they are.
my dd and friends wear black converse, vans or nike trainers, shortish black skirt. Bag is plain black but also branded nike etc, coat is puffa style - got away with from from H&M for last couple of years but there has been chat this year about North Face.

Black North Face padded jacket. If she’d rather take a rucksack, go for a black or dark one branded e.g. Nike.
If you’re able, pop into places like large sports shops or Urban Outfitters and ask the staff what the girls are buying for school.

This is so area dependent, and at times, school dependent. I've moved 8 miles and the fashions are so different!

Kickers aren't worn by anyone here. Airforce ones are in, along with most other polishable black shoes.

As long as the bag is relatively plain and dark, no one will notice it. Anything with patterns or bright colours will stand out.

Not kickers here. More likely DMs or something similar.

Again, not black tote handbags here either. More the fabric or cord shoppers or a sports rucksack.

Skirts all school prescribed and very short. Year 7 less so but start just above the knee.

Personally I’d not spend much and see what is popular. It’s very school specific near us one school is orange fake tan/short skirts/handbags and one more normal length skirts and rucksacks. The first school the new yr7 ditch the rucksacks for a handbag in first few weeks so it’s a waste.