Autistic daughter - to ask what’s “in” for School uniforms, school bags, lunchboxes, drinks bottles

[Agn]

I have a daughter who is starting secondary school. She is bright & lovely and on the autistic spectrum. She likes to blend in. She has a history of emotionally based school avoidance. If her ducks are not all in a row, she is going to go to pieces. She might stop going to school or refuse to leave home, if things get off to a bad start. My usual strategies are to try and offset when she is becoming stressed and get her into school, whatever it takes.

She gets very uptight and tense about everything being perfect (as opposed to my sloppy ways) and I really want to get the things which fit in with the majority of teen girls.

In terms of school bags, what is the in thing? Ditto for school skirts, school shoes, lunch bags, water bottles etc. It is an ordinary secondary school and she will want to blend into the background.

See in the school my kids went to if you wore trainers or converse of any kind you would be sent home to change or go to isolation unit Skirts had to be pleated and not turned up and coats had to be plain black without logo. Trousers also had to be tailored. No leggings.

Though all schools were like this tbh

Find a local parent to advise you.
At my daughters’ school, there are a lot of black large tote handbag things… but precisely zero Stanley cups! Possibly as they’re too bloody big for the stupid tote bags 😆

See in the school my kids went to if you wore trainers or converse of any kind you would be sent home to change or go to isolation unit

That's not the same thing though. If the uniform rules say no trainers or converse then you don't wear them because it's against the school rules. But in some schools, kickers are not socially acceptable. That's different from the uniform policy.

Depends on the area. In my DD's school they are allowed to wear black airforce trainers, girls use oversize handbag style or canvas (think urban outfitters) style bags. Some have Nike backpacks. Drinks bottles wise they like the insulated plain bottles that they can have ice in. Pencil cases seem to be plain. Some children do have colourful individual items but the majority have the above in my DD's school.

From my understanding all areas vary. I would see if you can find out locally. I appreciate you wanting it to be a smooth transition for her. :)

Also my Dd uses a sistema lunchbox or a thermal food flask for pasta for lunch is she isn't using the canteen. Lots of the kids have these.

Probably worth mentioning where about you live as these things vary between towns/cities/regions

Plain.
Plain black Nike rucksack.
Plain black Nike air force 1 trainers
Plain plastic lunchbox
Plain water bottle, a lot have air up ones or just plain black/beige.
No imagination these days!

At least the uniform policy makes it easier to not stand out for getting the " wrong" items I suppose

Mine wears black leather converse and alternates between a vans rucksack and a black army bag. They have to wear black socks and tube skirts are banned. A lot have the urban outfitters cord bag but it’s crap and doesn’t have a zip! Water bottle chillys or finisterre here.

Def check the uniform policy re shoes and bags though. That varies and you’ll need to make sure you comply no matter what is “in”

Find local parents to advise you, you won't get a helpful answer on here. I'd go with plain and cheap to start with and be prepared to upgrade. Black, plain Nike bag, plain water bottle, no character or themed pencil cases, decent, branded (probably Nike) trainers for p.e. School shoes are so complicated depending on the rules so see if you can take some advice. If not, watch what other kids wear and be prepared to swap quickly. No velcro. Y7 will always wear different to y11 though.

As an ND ex-teen who desperately tried to fit in and often failed, I just want to say thank you - your daughter is a very lucky girl xx (No helpful advice though, sorry!)

School teacher and with DC in a secondary in a different area. North face coats are almost universal, but not the parka type I have, they are shorter without a hood I think. DM shoes never seem to go out of style. Nike anything (bags, shoes coats) are all good. Lululemon is favoured by one very rich fashionable girl I teach. I do think it's area specific as my school there are no tote bags but others they seem to be the only acceptable bag.

Oh and North face bags are also a safe bet. I think a chilly's type bottle would be safe and fine.

They’re banned where I work.

Advice is so hard - where I live north face is a middle aged bag. No chance.

Jeez. This is super depressing. Does the state school not have any standards?

Every school is different. Contact the school, ask for advice. They’ll put you in touch with a member of staff who can help - someone who’s also a parent, or perhaps a younger member of staff.

Some of the suggestions on here you’d get ripped to shreds if you turned up at our local secondary wearing them.

In my area you get called a “roadman” for wearing puffy North Face jackets.

It’s all area dependent. Just go for affordable plain black things that they can swap out later when they have something specific in mind. Better that then wasting your money and getting it wrong.

North midlands here and work in secondary school
River Island tote
DMs or brogues (Velcro stands out ime)
yellow JD bag for PE
nike pros for PE with Nike crew socks
North Face padded jacket
plain Tupperware lunchbox
opaque tights (never socks!)
Stanleys and Air up fad has passed here so just a metal enamel water bottle

As much as they moan about wearing uniform, I find teens unbelievably sheep-like and unwilling to stand out when it comes to non-mandatory school garb.

It depends on the area and then again which school

They all have different trends

When DD started school her and her best friend both insisted on a particular type of bag and after a couple of weeks I had to buy her a completely different bag

I would tell your DD not to worry and that if she wants a different bag to fit in you'll get her one once school has started

Also thankfully DD friend had an older sister who told them to get their official school skirts shortened by a local tailor so it was above the knee.

You might need to do this

Gosh I thought I was pretty in the know from teaching in a very fashionable and very rich London day school 😂

West London here. It's all black airforce one trainers in DDs school. Pretty much every kid has them.

I had never heard of a Stanley cup until now. I can see she won’t be the only person getting an education. This thread has been an eye opener! It sounds expensive to be a secondary school parent.

What's 'fashionable' in a posh London day school with affluent families isn't the same as a working class state school in a northern town though is it.