Autistic daughter - to ask what’s “in” for School uniforms, school bags, lunchboxes, drinks bottles

[Agn]

I have a daughter who is starting secondary school. She is bright & lovely and on the autistic spectrum. She likes to blend in. She has a history of emotionally based school avoidance. If her ducks are not all in a row, she is going to go to pieces. She might stop going to school or refuse to leave home, if things get off to a bad start. My usual strategies are to try and offset when she is becoming stressed and get her into school, whatever it takes.

She gets very uptight and tense about everything being perfect (as opposed to my sloppy ways) and I really want to get the things which fit in with the majority of teen girls.

In terms of school bags, what is the in thing? Ditto for school skirts, school shoes, lunch bags, water bottles etc. It is an ordinary secondary school and she will want to blend into the background.

My dd's school is the opposite, the majority have a handbag, she wears kickers and the vast majority wear trousers.

I'd ask on a local Facebook group, but I'd think that even my two local schools that are less than a mile apart will have different thoughts.

Just sending a message of support. We’re in a similar boat (but with an autistic son) and I’ve been doing exactly this, but with local mums. Hope it goes well for her.

I’m a secondary school teacher and I’ve noticed especially with year 7 and 8 those drink bottles called “ air up’ where you put a smell pod at the top and then just drink water through it and it tricks your brain into thinking it’s squash are really popular. Then PE bag- get a JD sports plastic drawstring bag. Coat wise- nothing too colourful or patterns on it- super dry, north face if you wanted a branded coat if not a plain black or navy blue coat. Pencil case- nothing to Infant like- so go for a paper chase kind of vibe and get some pastel highlighters- kids seem to be obsessed with those at the moment. Do not buy flared or baggy trousers- they are a no no! - which is weird as when I was at school in the 2000’s that was popular! Also showing your white socks and with shorter trousers seem to be popular- you would have been called a geek on that when I was at school! Oh also a backpack is a massive no no, shoulder bag seems to be the thing, even if i disagree!

Hardly anyone wears a coat at DD's school. Probably because they would have to carry it around all day.

And in ours
School skirt - only 1 choice at uniform shop
School shoes - black AF1 or the plain black leather M&S lace up school shoes which look like trainers
lunch bags - no packed lunches
Water bottles - Stanley cup (although not practical)
School bags : black or grey hype backpack worn on both shoulders
PE bag - Nike sports bag with zip and long handle
Coat - black north face original 1990 or whatever it’s called

I’m surprised the amount of schools that allow converse or trainers

Thank you so much, everyone. This is great!! @EBoo80 I wish you the best of luck too!

I think a lot of schools have stopped being quite so over the top about it since the cost of living crisis.

When my nephew started secondary ten years ago he had to have a plain black backpack with absolutely no logo and black lace up school shoes completely plain black trainers for pe and a navy blue coat etc. Then when his brother started last year all of that was out of the window. People don't want to buy their twelve year olds a school coat or school trainers when they have financial pressures coming at them from all angles.

At my daughter's school they have uniform skirts and backpacks.

Shoes she had chunky kickers y7, changed to the ones that look more like all black vans in y8. Y9 we are currently arguingas she wants black airforce but the old ones still fit.

Coats - I don't think k you can go wrong with a cropped puffa, zavetti Canada popular here. You won't need that for 6-8 weeks though so time to wait and see. Water bottle - half the time she just takes a disposable one from a sports drink she's then filled with water.

It so dependent on area and school. Do you know anyone with older girls at the school so you can discretely ask?
If not I'd go v v plain on day 1 and be there to watch the kids at the end of the day to pick up ideas.

I would agree that very plain is the way to go. Do not draw attention at all if you can.

My DS had hassle because of his pencil case, his water bottle and even his bloody ruler. For autistic kids, go as boring as possible.

I can recommend a good rucksack if they have to have that style. Some schools don't allow totes. Rucksack is better for their backs. My son's bag is ridiculously heavy.

Uniform - Ask School

Cups - Air up cup and a Stanley cup

Bag - Drawstring black Nike bag or ‘Hype’ for PE Kit - Or ‘Hype’ rucksake - Dark plain colours

Coat - Northface - Superdry - Canada Goose

Pencil Case - Nothing babyish - ‘Hype’ brand is good

Lunch box - No dont do it, Just a plain container if needed otherwise, sandwich wrapped in foil or whatever

Please don't send your child in with a massive stanley cup if she is wanting to blend in. Keep that for home!! Otherwise she'll be the kid in year 7 who is walking around with a big cup!!

Here it’s black trainers - preferably Nike. Also plain black rucksack again with Nike branding but other sports branding is ok
specific skirt has to be worn but dd wears trousers which as someone previously said are in no way baggy and preferably show some white sock
no pencil case - it all just goes in blazer pocket
lunch box - just plain takeaway containers
water bottle - some have air up but I think pretty much anything goes dd is happy with random bottle from Asda

Exactly what I was thinking.

This is why the whole thing is so treacherous.

At my DD's secondary school AirUp bottles and Hype anything are for younger children and Stanley cups are what the teachers have. So definitely not desirable at all.

I have a boy going into year 8. From what I can see for the girls, black Nike backpack, skirts and tights not trousers, no water bottle just a plastic one (I know, not environmentally friendly but I’d send her with a plastic one till she has sussed this out), jd sports bag (plastic draw string) for PE kit.

It really is area dependent. A non creepy stakeout is probably your best bet.

Definitely those sistema boxes with the compartments.

Here it’s Longchamp le pilage bags that are in, tight short skirts with low denier tights and black leather look converse with white Nike socks poking out the top. The senior girls like mine tend to wear proper shoes like Steve Madden or DMs. Water bottles, definitely Stanley here although the ice flow one is definitely more practical for school. DD has both. Also ELF makeup, Dior lip oil and Victorias Secret or Sol de Janeiro body sprays. FML 😭😂

Do people actually buy their DCs a genuine Stanley cup for school? A £45 cup? Or a Stanley- style cup?

Mine has a genuine Stanley, it wasn’t specifically for school but she really likes it.

We discovered on holiday this year that the ice flow Stanley is a non leak able version and very handy! So she’s got one for going back after the holidays.

SW region here.

black Nike, jan sport or stussy backpack only and a PE bag can only be a plastic JD bag.

black leather air force ones for shoes

black puffa coat for winter- north face or Nike

we bought the bare minimum of what she'd need so that we could buy the rest after she started and be guided by her and what she had seen at school - but it very depends on region and what style she is and who she wants to blend in with.

the post directly above is the exact opposite of what DD chose to bend in.

Do you have a local page? Perhaps one you can place an anonymous post on if preferred? You might be able to get advice from parents at the actual school as there might be something qwerky your school does that others don't.

This is so school dependent it's impossible to give advice. In our area of N London kickers are on basically every foot in one school, the one across the road it's all DMs and pumps!
No one has lunch boxes usually just something that goes into their bag

Do check at a local FB group. Schools vary a lot.

DD had all uniform from 1 shop, so there was no issue what to buy. The school also made back packs mandatory but the range the girls had was vast, DD's was pale pink laptop bag, she moved the to a Hype in Y8. The one she got in Y10, a Jansport, is the only brand which survived her squirrel tendencies and is still going strong, she is in Y13 in September.

Shoes - DD was aware that her feet and most brands do not cooperate, she wore Geox from Y7 - 11. I think in her school most girls had slip on, lace brouges, Doc Martens and similar. Trainers and boots were not allowed.