Autistic daughter - to ask what’s “in” for School uniforms, school bags, lunchboxes, drinks bottles

[Agn]

I have a daughter who is starting secondary school. She is bright & lovely and on the autistic spectrum. She likes to blend in. She has a history of emotionally based school avoidance. If her ducks are not all in a row, she is going to go to pieces. She might stop going to school or refuse to leave home, if things get off to a bad start. My usual strategies are to try and offset when she is becoming stressed and get her into school, whatever it takes.

She gets very uptight and tense about everything being perfect (as opposed to my sloppy ways) and I really want to get the things which fit in with the majority of teen girls.

In terms of school bags, what is the in thing? Ditto for school skirts, school shoes, lunch bags, water bottles etc. It is an ordinary secondary school and she will want to blend into the background.

Yes for PE but not as shoes like the comment I was replying to said.

I'm surprised so many schools allow any backpack. Most here have their own school logo one. Only one choice of skirt, Stanley Cups banned. Wasn't there a parent's induction explaining uniform requirements? No handbag bags allowed here thank goodness, they are so bad for backs. My year 7 starter wants to take a fluffy axolotl pencil case and I am worried this will make her a target after these comments. She's not even 11 yet, all these comments make me sad she has to end her childhood early just to fit in with older kids.

If it's a Stanley cup you want then the new most anticipated colour is being released in the uk on the 22nd August and I know several high school girls that are lusting after it. A lurid hot pink number. I have to say I was very late to the Stanley cup thing but got one for my daughter as my DH has always had Stanley flasks and travel mugs and even the lunch box. Their life time warranty is Brilliant and we have never had a problem claiming on it. We are now a 4 Stanley cup household and it really does keep drinks ice cold for 24 hours. If I pre chill it before filling with ice and water then I will still have ice left after 24 hrs. I love mine, I have a bedside Stanley as I have Sjögren's syndrome and a downstairs Stanley to mate sure I get my water in every day.

It’s wearing well so far! Very well made ✌️

Not really the point. Kids don’t need luxury brands.

@Agn My eldest started secondary last September, she is waiting an assessment for ASD and is very young for her age. I was very strict with her and told her that what we had bought was what fitted the school rules (otherwise she would have picked the traditional primary school type shoe with butterflies and flashing lights for eg). My rule for buying things (which I didn't share with her) was that they needed to be generic if they would be highly visible (shoes, trainers for pe, coat, lunch bag) and could be more personal but still plainish if they were more private (eg pencil case, stationery.) She chose a hype rucksack, kickers lace up shoes, the stretch pencil skirts with thick black tights under, and I bought her a thin black waterproof jacket that would pack into her bag easily so she didnt have to wear it or carry it round all day. As per a PP I made sure everything we bought fitted in the school rules precisely so that she wasn't being used as an example by staff either. We used disposable water bottles for a long while as they blend in and can be refilled in school, and she had school dinners at first too so we didn't have to think about lunchbags. I basically wanted her to fly under the radar as much as possible and it seems to have worked so far.

Meh. I would rather buy her something that will last for years than a crappy backpack that was cheaper and shows wear quicker.

Not really the point. Kids don’t need luxury brands.

Nobody needs anything then.
Holidays, flowers, pets, days out, beds, bras.

The OP has asked for help. She doesn't want her child starting school with her bread and cheese wrapped in a knotted handkerchief and carries in a hessian sack.

@KimberleyClark you don't mind buying nice things for yourself though.

Same clothing for my teens. Stretchy tube type skirts for girls. White sports socks preferred (Nike if possible) but black also ok
DS’ lunch carrier of choice was a bread bag and they both preferred disposable plastic bottles (refilled) to anything else (although some of the girls did have Stanley’s)

I don’t buy many luxury brands. But the ones I do I’ve earned the money to pay for them. I don’t think it does kids any good to just be given them. They don’t learn the value of money and they’ll find it harder to budget when they need to.

My dd has just got a large handbag to replace last years rucksack, and chunky loafers to replace completely impractical fake Vivienne Westward jelly shoes. I've also bought her black Nikes for pe to replace the shoe zone trainers her dad bought her last year

No SEN but she does want to fit in, and I want her to be happy so buy her what she asks for

😂😂😂

And a knotted handkerchief and hessian sack are the only alternatives to Longchamps Le Pilage are they?

I think what you're doing for your DD shows a really good understanding of what makes ND girls worried/anxious, OP.

When I started at secondary school in the early 90s, my mum was adamant that adidas trainers were somehow 'designer' (she still goes on about how I wanted 'label' - no I fucking didnt!!). I think I eventually used birthday money or something to get socially acceptable trainers. It caused me untold anxiety, I just wanted to blend in, and we had to wear trainers for drama and PE. Mine were awful.

With this memory fresh in my mind, DS1 has black AF1 school shoes for starting secondary. He's autistic and has sensory issues, but I also want him to have a couple of nice up-to-date things to wear. I will also take him for a nice haircut before he starts (memories of not being allowed to cut/dye hair). He doesn't have much awareness of these things, but hopefully this will help him to feel like the others.

I don’t buy many luxury brands. But the ones I do I’ve earned the money to pay for them. I don’t think it does kids any good to just be given them. They don’t learn the value of money and they’ll find it harder to budget when they need to.

Great, but the OP doesn't want that. She wants to but her daughter some nice things for when she starts secondary school to help her fit in.

I don't even know what the bag is that has you so furious but if someone is answering a thread to help the mother of an autistic child, then who are you to say that the eleven yea old child shouldn't have it because she hasn't worked to earn it?

You can choose to only give your children inexpensive things until they can buy them themselves, but that is not what this thread is for or about.

It's not the time for the OP's child to learn about budgeting.

Go for black nike pros shorts.

Oh yes I forgot the Nike socks to be worn over your tights or with bare legs (DD2 wont wear tights so has had bare legs all year round!)

And a knotted handkerchief and hessian sack are the only alternatives to Longchamps Le Pilage are they?

What bag did you get your dd when she started year seven?

I don't even know what a Longchamp le Pilage is, I've never heard of it. My dd has a kanken because that's what was 'in' when she started school.

She's just finished her second year at university, she still uses the Kanken and her budgeting is top notch so a hundred pound bag did her no harm at all.

Yes to this. I remember my dd wore Nike pro shorts under her skirts in year 7. By year 8 they didn’t care anymore, no more shorts.

It will completely depend which group she wants to blend in with, op. Teens aren’t a homogenous group, there will be groups who follow fashion and others who sneer at the latest trend.

Thats so very thoughtful of you . Is there a neighbours child who can help you ? Some of the in things can be slighly diffby region ? But you are obviously such a considerate Mum !

It is so area, school and year group dependent.

At DD school. - skirt is from the uniform shop ditto blazer.

coat- Canada Goose or North Face

Bag- Le pillage tote (large) or Long Champ tote.

PE/Games\Swimming Kit- Nike drawstring bag. Swimming costume school logo one

Water Bottle contigo or chilly's metal

Coffee cup.- Stanley

socks- white Nike crew socks over tights

Shoes - lace up kickers or dm's unlaced stuffed with rolled up crew socks to keep them on ( don't even ask!)

Lunch box- sistema sandwich box or compartment box

Lip balm - Carmex

Deodorant- Sure (roll on or small spray)

Body Spray - Victoria's Secret

It is madness, but as a parent I buy this stuff for DD

The other thing I'd consider in your situation OP is how strict the school is about uniform. A lot of the things mentioned on this thread wouldn't be allowed at my DC's former school, and they do consistently police uniform. But I know other schools in the area who either don't have strict rules or don't really enforce them. Asking around locally is your best bet.
For shoes, if you've got a good independent shoe shop near you they may well be able to help. The owner of the shop we always used to go to had a wealth of knowledge about not only the rules at every local school but what the current popular buys were for each one.

It really does vary so wildly between schools - around here we have a couple of schools who are ridiculously strict with uniform, and my own kids' school which is fairly relaxed - we get told we need the logoed blazer, tie and PE top then told to get ourselves to wherever's cheapest for the rest of the stuff, told any sensible coat is fine and we encourage them not to wear black coats for visibility on dark nights, bags are just "none of the handbag style ones" and shoes can either be black "school" shoes, or all-black trainer style ones.

Then towards the spring we got a polite reminder about skirts that cut it on length in Autumn/Winter are really not quite making the grade in Spring/Summer... nothing much else said about it.

It's one reason I chose the school I did though - because it's got a good reputation with SEN and it's balanced uniform smartness with parental wallets pretty well. They even had the y10 girls produce an evaluation of various PE short options to extend the range of PE kit without permitting those arse wedgy ghastly shorts.