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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband didn't tell me

383 replies

northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:22

I'm not sure what to do.

My husband just got back from a stag do and has had insomnia for 2 nights and is feeling terrible.

He told me this morning that he had a fit on the stag do and was unconscious. He has never had one before but didn't want to tell me. I'm upset that he didn't tell me and that he has been feeling awful for 2 days and this could all be linked.

I'm also upset because I asked if he has taken any drugs and he told me he hadn't.
We have a no drugs agreement in our relationship and I asked him not to before he went away as they are quite a druggy crowd.

He just told me he had taken coke. I'm upset that he lied to me.

I'm a mix of emotions. I'm upset and worried that he is sick after his fit.
I'm upset that he kept this from me and the drug taking.
I'm also upset that we are trying for a baby and I've been jumping through hoops with infertility medication and lifestyle changes and he has just gone and abused his body like that. I feel like a mug.

OP posts:
WitchyBits · 07/08/2024 10:24

Op there is very likely more to this. He's drip feeding you information.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 07/08/2024 10:25

Give him a second chance. At least he's confessed. Everyone deserves a second chance, but I believe in "three strikes and you're out". Hopefully he'll learn from this that coke doesn't agree with him.

Edingril · 07/08/2024 10:27

I would not be without someone who takes drugs other than moderate drinking but also they are also a grown individual who are allowed to do what they like

So I get you on one way but also you are coming across as dramatic and the world does not stop when TTC

WitchyBits · 07/08/2024 10:29

If I was you, I'd sit him down and say " well I've just had an interesting phone conversation about the stag do. You need to tell me absolutely everything and this is your only chance " and then sit back in silence and wait for him to spill his guts.

I have questions that is want to find the answers to though. Why didn't his "friends" call him an ambulance? Where there strippers/sex workers there? Why did he choose to do drugs? Why did he choose to go KNOWING there would be drugs and that he would partake?

Honestly you have problems enough without the Health stuff associated with a drug induced fit. Why you would bring a baby into this is beyond me. In your shoes I'd be bailing as this is what your future is going to be like.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:32

Just for clarity we have been trying for a baby for a while and have fertility issues so that's why I'm particularly upset when the abusing his body part.

OP posts:
Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:33

Also, this isn't the first time we have issues like that. Over the years we have had many many arguments over his drinking habits in particular. So I feel like this isn't a first time thing, I'm starting to feel a bit worn out. We've been together 15 years and married for 1 year.

OP posts:
Edingril · 07/08/2024 10:33

northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:32

Just for clarity we have been trying for a baby for a while and have fertility issues so that's why I'm particularly upset when the abusing his body part.

We or you have been trying?

Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:34

Also is it normal to have a fit when you take coke? I'm upset that he was unconscious. Also that no one found medical help.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 07/08/2024 10:34

He's obviously been really stupid. God knows what they all got up to. Having a seizure is serious shit.

What's your relationship like? Can you sit down and talk through what happened with him? Is he likely to come clean and be honest with you? Bearing in mind that he was unconscious at some point, I would also want to be speaking to someone else - the stag or another of the men friends - to find out exactly what happened.

Until you know what happened, you can't really know how best to proceed.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:36

We have a good relationship but honestly I'm worried I can't trust him sometimes and that he hides things from me.

He is really upset but it feels a bit like a broken record.

OP posts:
Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:36

I will ask his best friend from the stag do but I feel like he won't tell me much to be honest.

OP posts:
Kelly51 · 07/08/2024 10:37

Over the years we have had many many arguments over his drinking habits in particular. So I feel like this isn't a first time thing, I'm starting to feel a bit worn out. We've been together 15 years and married for 1 year.
I never understand these posts, 15 years of crap then you marry him??
Why do woman continue to work against themselves ?

Iloveshihtzus · 07/08/2024 10:38

northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:33

Also, this isn't the first time we have issues like that. Over the years we have had many many arguments over his drinking habits in particular. So I feel like this isn't a first time thing, I'm starting to feel a bit worn out. We've been together 15 years and married for 1 year.

Hi OP, if I were you I’d get out now. Imagine adding the stress of a newborn or a newborn and a toddler into this mix - do you think he would change his ways and stop drinking or would he double down on it? I’ll give you a hint - he won’t change.

Maybe my judgment is clouded by being the child of an alcoholic, but can I tell you - please don’t bring a child into this relationship.

I know after 15 years you feel you need to stick with it and your fertility is falling, but that is no reason to tie yourself to this man.

Bekindtoyourselfandothers · 07/08/2024 10:39

It's very worrying OP.

I would also suspect a lot more was going on than he has admitted to.

I would also be concerned about bringing children into a relationship where your partner takes drugs, indulges in risky behaviour, mixes with drug takers and gets up to goodness knows what when he is in their company. And is not truthful and open about things.

Starlight1979 · 07/08/2024 10:40

WitchyBits · 07/08/2024 10:24

Op there is very likely more to this. He's drip feeding you information.

Yeah this.

Insomnia. Or not being able to sleep through guilt?

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 07/08/2024 10:42

Has he been to a Dr?

rockingbird · 07/08/2024 10:42

WitchyBits · 07/08/2024 10:24

Op there is very likely more to this. He's drip feeding you information.

Exactly what I thought as soon as I read this.

AlloftheTime · 07/08/2024 10:44

northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:33

Also, this isn't the first time we have issues like that. Over the years we have had many many arguments over his drinking habits in particular. So I feel like this isn't a first time thing, I'm starting to feel a bit worn out. We've been together 15 years and married for 1 year.

Please don’t bring a child into this relationship

Rhaidimiddim · 07/08/2024 10:44

WitchyBits · 07/08/2024 10:24

Op there is very likely more to this. He's drip feeding you information.

Agree 100%.
"Had a fit" = took coke and passed out.
"Passed out" = can't remember what I did.
"What I did " = ???

Madamecholetsbonnet · 07/08/2024 10:44

I’m also aghast at 15 years of shite then marrying him! Have you no self respect?

greencheetah · 07/08/2024 10:45

Please don’t have a baby with him…

AmandaHoldensLips · 07/08/2024 10:46

Agree with previous posters.

No child wants to have an alcoholic parent who also has a drug problem. You have a choice about whether to visit that upon an as yet unborn person. Don't do it.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:46

He is honestly a really good and loving person. If drinking was out of the equation we wouldn't have any issues.
But I'm worried about him keeping things from me. I want to trust him and I hate the idea of being paranoid. That's not who I want to me.

OP posts:
Madamecholetsbonnet · 07/08/2024 10:47

Rhaidimiddim · 07/08/2024 10:44

Agree 100%.
"Had a fit" = took coke and passed out.
"Passed out" = can't remember what I did.
"What I did " = ???

Show quote history

Yes. This is how it reads to me too.

He has possibly exposed you to an STD whilst you’re undergoing fertility treatment.

Original poster
northchesterforest · 07/08/2024 10:47

I honestly don't think he has taken drugs before but not I'm questioning whether I'm an idiot and it's making me doubt the trust

OP posts:
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