Husband didn't tell me

[northchesterforest]

I'm not sure what to do.

My husband just got back from a stag do and has had insomnia for 2 nights and is feeling terrible.

He told me this morning that he had a fit on the stag do and was unconscious. He has never had one before but didn't want to tell me. I'm upset that he didn't tell me and that he has been feeling awful for 2 days and this could all be linked.

I'm also upset because I asked if he has taken any drugs and he told me he hadn't.
We have a no drugs agreement in our relationship and I asked him not to before he went away as they are quite a druggy crowd.

He just told me he had taken coke. I'm upset that he lied to me.

I'm a mix of emotions. I'm upset and worried that he is sick after his fit.
I'm upset that he kept this from me and the drug taking.
I'm also upset that we are trying for a baby and I've been jumping through hoops with infertility medication and lifestyle changes and he has just gone and abused his body like that. I feel like a mug.

He's not a man you can trust Op. He only behaves in a good and loving manner when you can see it, soon as he's with the lads there's drink and drugs. If he really had a seizure on coke he could have choked and died. Is this really the man who will be a responsible father to your DC in the future?

But drinking is in the equation! Open your eyes!!

15 years of the same bullshit arguments over drugs and drinking aren't going to change because you have a baby!! Judging by all the posts on this website, babies just make situations worse!

Man wants one last night of freedom before the baby comes, turns in to 3 day bender, he says he's never allowed to do anything anymore, argue, you're upset. Baby arrives, man wants to wet the baby's head, his friends keep him out, turns in to a 3 day bender, he says he's never allowed to do anything anymore, argue, you're upset and now you have a baby to deal with whose feeding off your emotions!

Bloody hell, mumsnet need to publish a book of the shittiest experiences from here and hand them out to young girls, the title should be "Expect Better!"

Oh and you obviously don't trust him if you say you "want to trust him"!

You do know your continuing the cycle here

your mum was in a relationship with an alcoholic and now you are

get out now for your own sanity

He probably didn't have a seizure at all! More likely he's feeling awful due to comedown and guilt

All sorts of things can trigger seizures in people. I've had them triggered by fainting. But obviously coke is a drug that affects your brain chemistry, so yeah, it's not unusual for it to affect people badly like that - plus if you take illegal drugs you don't have a clue what it actually contains. It could have been mixed with anything.

Cocaine is also a powerful stimulant so it's not at all surprising that he's got insomnia. One of the reasons cocaine is so rife in certain industries is precisely because it keeps you awake.

In the short term, I doubt you have to worry that your husband has done any lasting damage from one line of coke that affected him badly, and the fact that it has affected him so badly is probably a good deterrent when it comes to doing it again. However, it does sound like his drinking is out of control and clearly, if all his friends are heavy drinkers and recreational drug users, going out with them is going to be an issue. He's not going to fix his own substance issues if he's constantly with people who are encouraging and normalising it.

He has taken drugs and/or cheated and is now drip feeding this so if it comes out he can say 'oh, I don't remember any of this! I must have been spiked! My friends must have taken advantage by taking me to see a sex worker! I have no recollection!'

In real life, anyone having a serious medical event like a SEIZURE would tell their spouse ASAP and seek medical attention upon their return, their friends would contact you when it happened, he would probably come home early with one of them because health is more important than a stag do.

I would stop TTC immediately. Even if what he's saying is true, that means he's deliberately concealed a seizure from you for a period of time. He promised not to take drugs and took cocaine, a Class A. Not dad material.

I think you need to be supportive of him at this point. He told you what he did and it sounds like he's regretful. It was really irresponsible and he needs to look at why he took drugs when this isn't usual behaviour for him. Some people are very impressionable and he needs to work that bit out...once he's got over the trauma that he's experienced. Try and be kind to him right now.

Why on earth would you want your baby to have this man as a father? You know drinking is a problem..it wont magically go away once the baby comes. Please read one of the billions of threads on here by people who have had a father like this and ask yourself what you are doing

Err no way in hell would I be TTC or thinking anyone who takes drugs is a good choice of parent for my child. Seriously he’s not up to it op. This would be a deal breaker for me!! He sounds about 18. I’d be done.

🙄

But well done on being the OPs chosen poster as this will be exactly what she wants to hear. The rest of us will be completely ignored!

It’s not normal to for when taking coke no. That would be a medical emergency and he should have been taken to hospital. There’s more to this than he is saying.

Haven't RTFT but has he informed the DVLA that he's had a fit (if he had indeed had one and it wasn't him trying to cover up just passing out). It will affect his driving licence if he has one.

So sorry to hear you are going through this OP.
And now he’s adding to your stress in A and E with something entirely unavoidable.
It took me years to find out someone I was with was taking coke when we also had a ‘no drugs’ rule. I thought he had a serious mental health condition in the end. He also drank a lot and stayed out all night.
I was a lot, lot younger.
I do not miss those days one bit.
Please stop trying for a baby with this man.
If he feels under pressure now he’s not going to be around much if a baby comes along. No matter how much you want to be a parent.
He may be kind and loving when sober but when he has the choice, he chooses himself. He’s also sticking to a group of friends who are the same. He must at least be in his thirties.
It is very hard to leave someone you have probably spent a lot of your young life with. 15/16 years is a long time.
All I can say is I’m sorry I stuck around so long. I can’t regret it, it’s done, but I’m also glad we never had children.
It is possible to move on. It really, really is.

I hope he hasn’t driven since he had the seizure.

Trust me that I'm not ignoring any of these posts. It's really helping thank you.

The coke will be the half of it OP.

I would also be worried he is gearing up for the “can’t remember what I did card”.

However, I have seen someone have a seizure from taking too much coke before. It was a few years ago when I was in uni and quite a few people were recreational drug users. The guy in particular took it every weekend along with other substances and used to get in a state. We were all worried because it would be jarring and dreadful to watch. This time he’d taken loads, was drenched in sweat, completely red and jaw swinging into another dimension. He looked psychotic. I’ve never seen anyone that bad. Then he started fitting. Luckily he got his parents involved and that was the end of that but he’d taken a LOT to get to the point of fitting.

I'm furious at his best friend. The stag do was abroad and his best friend didn't call for any medical help and allowed husband to drive 3 hours back from the airport after the seizure. They are all childish and irresponsible idiots.

The not sleeping thing....it's not insomnia, or guilt...it's doing coke. It's literally the thing coke is known for - keeping you awake. Do a load of coke and you won't sleep all night. and that can have negative affects. i don't know if he had a fit or if actually he had a panic attack or something from no sleep, increased heart rate. he may also have tried other drugs like pills or something. anyway - you need to trust him and he's not telling you the truth. but not sleeping after taking drugs is literally half the reason ppl do it.

No, a good person does not repeatedly lie to his wife. He isn’t going to change.

Also, it's not relevant but I got promoted at work yesterday. Was excited to share in that news and celebrate with him. Now I'm in A&E ...feel like shit.

You maybe need to consider whether he would be a good father for your child.

It's shocking that his 'friends' didn't take him to hospital and then allowed him to put his own and others' lives at risk by driving the next day. Which is illegal, btw - your insurance will be invalidated if it came out he was driving after having had a seizure.

My DH had a seizure and it was terrifying to watch, and was taken v seriously at A&E. He's since had multiple brain and heart scans, and wasn't allowed to drive for a year. Thankfully he now has the all clear.

If my DH had so much coke and booze it triggered a seizure, surrounded by 'friends' who thought the best course of action would be not to get help (what were they doing they were so afraid to get help?!), and then he tried to hide it AND had such poor judgment he DROVE HOME afterwards I'd be seriously questioning my future with him. I wouldn't have kids with him, for sure.

@@northchesterforest I'm so sorry that this happened. Tbh this sounds like a terrible relationship. Taking drugs and troublesome drinking is a really bad thing, and I would be leaving this relationship. I'm not one of those people to say "LTB", but this really doesn't sound good at all.