To find this apology an absolute cheek

[Crabsinthesea]

Yesterday I heard my two friends making fun of my weight behind my back in a restaurant whilst I went to the toilet. I confronted them and they just said it was banter and I need to take a joke. I said I wasn’t happy and then there was an atmosphere until we went home shortly after. Then today I received this text.

So she’s blaming me for being sensitive and telling me to move on! What a cheek! A complete non apology and I’m even more fuming!

People who take the piss out of others like that are usually insecure about themselves in some way.

if that happened to me I would reply and pick on a feature of theirs you find less than perfect.

so “no worries big nose/ lumpy arse/thinning hair/bearded lady/sour face / spindly leg/fat ankled/droopy tits/ we all have our crosses to bear…. No offence intended of course”

then bin them not your mates.

I think the only jokes here are your friends.

Hard as it is OP if you can distance you're self from them you'd probably not miss their friendship knowing how they speak of of.

It’s one thing to make fun of your friend behind their back (which is not normal).

Its another thing to then gaslight that person and act like they were overreacting.

Them bitching about you should have been the first sign that they don’t like you but any half decent person would not stop apologising and feel awful!
The fact that they don’t care proves how much they dislike you.

Tell them both to fuck off and not speak to you again.

Reminds me of Lauren and Louis Walsh in celebrity big brother. Guys. It was totally banter. Lauren and Louis. The shortest non apology ever. They were bitchy and nasty on that show.

They've got a bloody cheek calling you 'sensitive' for being pissed off that they were bitching about your weight. That's not being over sensitive, it's being normal - almost anyone would be upset to hear their friends slagging off their appearance.

While I think almost everyone, at some point in their lives, has said things about a friend that they wouldn't want that friend to hear, I do think the apology is what makes all the difference. If someone had overheard me saying something less than complimentary about them (although it wouldn't ever be about their appearance or size) I would have been mortified. If I were in your friend's position, my apology would have been 'I'm so, so sorry to have hurt you. Obviously I didn't know you could hear, but that's no excuse, and I know I've been a total dick. I'm absolutely furious with myself for getting carried away and making a great friend like you the subject of a horrible joke, and once again, I'm truly sorry. I really hope we can move past this, as I'd hate to lose your friendship. If there's anything at all I can do to try to put things right, please let me know - but I do completely understand if you can't forgive me, because I know I've behaved appallingly."

Not me automatically feeling wounded at lumpy arse, sour face, droopy tits 🤣🤣

*ducks down and hides in case I’m being spied on

Can't stand this "sorry you were offended" bollocks.

Reply,

‘I’m sorry I bitched about your weight when I thought you couldn’t overhear me. I’m sorry I upset you and made you feel bad. I’m sorry you trusted me because I don’t deserve that trust’.

There you go, Millicent. I fixed your crappy non-apology for you. A ‘joke’ and ‘banter’ is when everyone is joining in and having fun, not when two people I thought had my back ridiculed me when they thought I was out of earshot. And yes, I agree I should leave this toxic group. With friends like you and Esmerelda who needs enemies?

So, they made a big mistake and instead of apologising, they said it was your reaction that was the actual problem.

This is how narcissists squirm out of their bullying...... oh it was only banter, you are way too sensitive. NOPE!

As others have said, banter is bantering with you, not bitching whilst you're not
There and getting caught out - they're not friends, they're trying to gaslight and pretend it's you being unreasonable!
Good luck but chose better friends to spend time with

Well it is an apology as in she says sorry and admits they shouldn't have said it. But to do it in the first place shows they aren't your friends. And she should have rung you, not texted.

How bloody rude to talk about a friend's weight behind their back.

And then victim blaming!

I'd tell them to p*ss off!

Dear XXX

We are all adults. We know the difference between 'banter' and 'bitching'. If it was 'banter', it wouldn't be happening behind my back - we'd all be in it together.

I was really upset by the comments, and now I am pissed off that you are trying to make out I am over sensitive for being hurt by friends bitching behind my back.

At least own it for what it is and then maybe we can move on.

Send them a link to this thread so they read us all calling them bitches

Whilst slightly different, neither is in any way acceptable!!

These are not friends. I’d never say anything disparaging about a good friend as banter or otherwise.

There isn’t a vast difference: both are horrible. One might be a little more horrible than the other but if you do either you should stop!

OP - they aren’t worth keeping as friends.

That's vile and disgusting from them. Blaming you for being sensitive? The cheek!

I would pretend to forgive and next time she invite you to her house I'd clean the toilet seat with her toothbrush.

100%!

Why the fuck would anyone do either behind someone's back? Supposedly adult women. They can fuck off.

These are not your friends, OP. I hope you know you deserve better company.

There’s no difference at all between those two things

If the comments were said whilst you were sat with them, perhaps it could have been 'banter'. However, I am guessing either on the way or way back from visiting the toilet, you overheard a conversation between them? That wasn't 'banter', that was being nasty and bitchy behind your back. The response from your friend wasn't an apology, she blamed you for being sensitive, and that's her justification. Tell her, that the comments were bitchy, nasty and were said behind your back. You wouldn't expect people, who you consider friends to treat you like that.

'I'm sorry you're so sensitive" is not an apology.

Dignified response would be to say - that you're blaming me for being sensitive rather than acknowledging how unkind you were suggests you are not actually sorry. You are not a real friend and I don't feel there's anything further to say.

Undignified: you can fuck right off. Happy to leave it- the friendship that is. Goodbye.

Trying to gaslight the hell out you. These are
Not friends.
Yes we can all be sensitive about our weight. And we can all
Joke about each others weight/bits we hate etc. in front of each other.
Doing behind your back is just bitchy. They got caught. They trying to backtrack and put it on to you being sensitive cos the minute you stop being friends and fall
Out over it everyone will
Want to know why and they/she doesn't want everyone to know what a cow she is and that she slags off her mates and she's a
Two faced cow. So she's gaslighting u instead. Really, she's done u a favour. Tell her to fk off.

I’d reply “If it was banter and not bitchiness, you’d have said it to my face rather than when you thought I couldn’t hear you. Happy to leave it, if by that you mean our friendship as I don’t accept your non-apology’