To find this apology an absolute cheek

[Crabsinthesea]

Yesterday I heard my two friends making fun of my weight behind my back in a restaurant whilst I went to the toilet. I confronted them and they just said it was banter and I need to take a joke. I said I wasn’t happy and then there was an atmosphere until we went home shortly after. Then today I received this text.

So she’s blaming me for being sensitive and telling me to move on! What a cheek! A complete non apology and I’m even more fuming!

No difference at all- neither is appropriate from “friends’

They were being bitches and now they are putting the blame onto you for being upset.

Doubling down on the bitchiness.

Walk away. These are not good people.

Banter the defence mechanism of a nasty bastard.

Whether you walk away really depends on what kind of friends you want. These ones, I would throw back. Who wants friends like that.

They were bitching about you behind your back - unacceptable.

The supposed friend responded to your hurt feelings with a non apology - time to ditch them.

A real apology involves accepting that somebody is wrong and uses the active voice, not the passive voice.
I'm sorry that I hurt you = apology
I'm sorry that you were hurt =non apology

Terrible victim blaming in this non-apology; no acknowledgement that they were bitchy, just blaming you for being sensitive. That's not how friends treat each other.

I hate it when people accuse people of being sensitive when they have offended them, it’s victim blaming.
I would put the friends behind you, rather than what they said. They aren’t your friends anyway if they can be that spiteful.

I absolutely hate the word banter. It’s more often than not thinly veiled bullying.
I would be very hurt, and would definitely tell them both to go to hell.

I didn't say either would be funny. But my response would be different depending upon if someone was being deliberately cruel or not. Comments can also be misinterpreted or not meant how they came out. That's why we need to know what was actually said.

They are not your friends they are a pair of bitches

Jesus, who needs enemies with friends like these? Funny it was just banter but it was behind your back.

Please, just dump them and never look back. Friends are supposed to make you feel good!

Which one is meant to be acceptable? Both sound fairly nasty.

This is the classic non apology with a bit of victim blaming thrown in for good measure.
I think you should message back fuck off and bitch to your heart’s content and then block them.

Only an arsehole would say either of those things behind their friend's back.

They are not your friends. Total gaslighting at it's finest.

Tell them “you’re right I do need to lose 20+ stone of useless weight” and block them both 😊😊😊

I hate when people try and blame " your too sensitive " no your not .. they not nice people... and don't deserve you as a friend .. don't reply OP just leave them to each other

“Dear so-called friends,

You were not ‘bantering’ - you were bitching about me behind my back. Being upset about this does not make me over sensitive, but trying to excuse it shows me very clearly who you are.

I do not accept your ‘apology’.

@Crabsinthesea“

Sounds like they know they were dead wrong and they want to drop it. OP, these are not good friends. I am sorry this happened to you but at the same time, they showed you who they really are. I would drop it, and them, immediately.

the best response to that kind of thing is to say
that it sounded like an insult. just saying 'it's a joke' doesn't make something insulting funny. explain to me how it was funny.

this is the type of line abusive men engage in.
'you look like a pig in a dress. I was just teasing. can't you take a joke. you are so sensitive'.

NO its not funny. It's insulting.

My reply would be: “You’ve confused ‘banter’ with nastiness. This has nothing to do with anyone else’s sensitivity or inability to appreciate a joke and everything to do with you both being unpleasant enough to bitch behind the back of your friend. I’m not interested in seeing either of you again, so yes - I certainly do choose to leave it at that.”

Just say
You shouldn't be sorry that I'm offended, you should be sorry for making nasty remarks about the appearance of someone who is supposed to be your friend. This is not about my sensitivity, it's about your bitchiness. And it's not banter as you didn't say it to my face. There's no moving on until you apologise properly and sincerely for being rude and bitchy about me behind my back. Laughing at someone's appearance is not a joke.

Reply I'd send:

"Banter is a joke between friends, not a joke at the expense of a friend you didn't know could hear. I'm as 'sensitive' about this as you are about INSERT THING YOUR FRIEND FEELS MOST SHIT ABOUT HERE but I would never have joked about that because I don't want to hurt you. Happy to leave it until you apologise like a grown up and stop trying to make me feel it's my fault. If that's never, I guess we aren't friends."

Who need enemies when you have friends like this?

Ugh.

I'd reply:

'That isn't an apology.

Knowing that what you were saying was nasty and guaranteed to hurt, you shouldn't have said it, friends don't say nasty things about friends.

However you are right, it is time to move on and leave this 'friendship' in the past, I really don't need 'friends' like you two!'

"banter" is almost inevitably used when someone has been caught being unpleasant. It's basically code for bullying and meanness.