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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

593 replies

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:05

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:07

At that age I wouldn't have had a choice, I'd have been going on holiday.

Lexigone · 05/08/2024 20:08

Its a week. She should come.

CreativeOriginalUsername · 05/08/2024 20:08

If you try and drag her on holiday she’ll just be miserable and drag everyone down with her. Leave her at home.

Also, maybe accept that she doesn’t like France as much as you seem to!

missmollygreen · 05/08/2024 20:08

Sounds like a week on her own might do her some good.

You are making to many excuses for her.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 05/08/2024 20:09

You can make her go but you can't make her participate willingly. There is a real chance she will ruin it for everyone in either scenario!

Britishsummertime22 · 05/08/2024 20:09

Sorry but she sounds really spoilt. Has to be convinced to go on a paid holiday?? Just tell her she's coming and that's it.

Harrumphhhh · 05/08/2024 20:09

So she leaves the fridge open and rubbish around? Is that really so bad?

Either she goes with you, or she fends for herself. Her choice.

SwedishEdith · 05/08/2024 20:09

I'd leave her home.

Cherrysoup · 05/08/2024 20:10

I’d lose my shit, sorry. Probably pretty counter productive and once she’s 18, she can definitely choose, but I’d tell her she’ll ruin it for everyone if she says she’s not going. Will she, en effet, actually refuse to will she give in if you lose your rag? She’s destroying the holiday for everyone. Could her sister reason with her? Would she never go to a country where she can’t speak the language so she’ll never go abroad? That’s a bit ridiculous.

Slobberchops1 · 05/08/2024 20:10

I stayed at home at that age when my parents went on holiday , she will be fine

LIZS · 05/08/2024 20:11

Sorry, she gets no choice at this stage. Her grandparents are presumably looking forward to seeing her and it is only a week! Is she often the centre of such drama? The language situation is irrelevant assuming you all speak Engkush.

heatdeath · 05/08/2024 20:12

I'd let her stay at home.

Original poster
Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:12

@CreativeOriginalUsername she is half-French. We told her it’s the last holiday we’ll have spect her to come. Begging, pleading with her :(

OP posts:
RagzRebooted · 05/08/2024 20:12

She's 17, not 7. Leave her at home and stop bribing her with expensive trips, you're making it worse.

SwedishEdith · 05/08/2024 20:13

When you went at Christmas, where did you stay? At your parents? Loads of teens hate Christmas somewhere else as they want to see their friends around then. And grandparents' houses can be quite dull for teenagers. Stop pleading with her though.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/08/2024 20:14

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

I wouldn't be bribing her, I'd be encouraging her. She has to come this time but if she can prove she can keep a house nice and be responsible, she won't have to come with you going forward.

sanityisamyth · 05/08/2024 20:14

missmollygreen · 05/08/2024 20:08

Sounds like a week on her own might do her some good.

You are making to many excuses for her.

This. Time for her to grow up!

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:14

Joanfromnextdoor · 05/08/2024 20:12

@CreativeOriginalUsername she is half-French. We told her it’s the last holiday we’ll have spect her to come. Begging, pleading with her :(

Why are you begging and pleading with a 17 year old?

She does what she's told. End of discussion. When she's 18 she can choose whether she comes on holiday.

SpanThatWorld · 05/08/2024 20:14

Our middle son was 16 when he just announced he wasn't coming on holiday - on the day of departure.

My husband was all for arguing but I walked out and left him. He was actually fine and the house was still standing when we got back. Not to mention what a relief it was not to put up with him throwing his weight around and being a twat. We all had a lovely week away.

Frowningprovidence · 05/08/2024 20:14

I think at 17 she should visit her grandparents.
I think 17 year olds do get a choice over many things but family ties are important.

earlymorningcurlewcall · 05/08/2024 20:15

I would force my child to come. Staying home would not be an option until they're out of school.

SpanThatWorld · 05/08/2024 20:16

sunsetsandboardwalks · 05/08/2024 20:14

Why are you begging and pleading with a 17 year old?

She does what she's told. End of discussion. When she's 18 she can choose whether she comes on holiday.

Show quote history

And how do you force a 17 year old to leave the country when you say "End of argument" and they say "No."

wellington77 · 05/08/2024 20:17

If she’s refusing to go to France then she’s refusing to see her grandparents, I would make her ring them up and tell them if she’s that dead set on not going. Tell her you aren’t going to do her dirty work. Shes being very selfish and comes across spoiled. If she does stay at home I’d make sure it’s not fun!

Morwenscapacioussleeves · 05/08/2024 20:17

I was away at university at 17 & backpacked at the other side of the world for the 6 weeks before.

Just leave her home. You'll enjoy your holiday, she gets to have a peaceful week/grow up a bit/learns she should have come on holiday.

LoquaciousPineapple · 05/08/2024 20:17

I'd leave her at home. She's essentially an adult and dragging her along isn't going to make anyone happy. I can't imagine having raised a 17 year old who couldn't be trusted on her own for a week. Is she really that immature, or are you just overbearing? Leaving the fridge open isn't a reason to not trust her.

Are your parents or friends going to be speaking English to her, or insist on French? If she's not confident in her French and she'll have to be using it constantly, I can see why she doesn't want to go.