17 years old dd is refusing to come with us on holiday

[Joanfromnextdoor]

Name change here as I don’t want to be recognised with my other threads.

We are due to travel to France this weekend and stay for a week. We are going to see my parents for the weekend (they are french) and go for a few days in Normandy. Dd is now refusing to go, saying she hates it there, she is not confident at all with her french (my fault). We went at Christmas last year for the first time in at least 10 years and she said she hated it, felt depressed there.

I think Covid didn’t help at all as we didn’t go to France for 2 years and she has a massive blockage about going.

I have pleaded with her..and she reluctantly said yes she was coming but then changed her mind again. I got her a ticket to Reading to see her favourite artist, I booked for the 2 of us to go to Paris in December as she really wanted to go to find a compromise with her.

I can’t leave her because she is not matured enough, I don’t trust her, she would be the kind to not close the fridge properly, leave rubbish everywhere, she refuses to do anything pretty much.

We have no family that could help us.

We have a 20 years old daughter who really wants to go, we can’t cancel the holiday.

AIBU to lose my shit with her ?? What would you do ?

I was going to come on here from the 17yo perspective as I was left home alone at that age when I absolutely did not want to go away with my parents any more. But having read the post in full - nah, she needs to go. Should have said at time of booking, not let you pay for things and then change her mind. She can stay in if she doesn’t want to participate.

She’s almost an adult. She can stay home and fend for herself. What’s she going to do in under a years time when she’s no idea how to look after herself?

How is a 17 year old not able to be left alone? Most 18 year olds who can afford to are LIVING alone either in their own place or at college. Does she have special needs? If so and she can't be left then put your foot down. She's coming. End of.

If she doesn't have special needs then leave her home. It's about time she grew up a bit and had some independence.

At 17 she should visit her grandparents whether she wants to or not. It’s respectful . Tell her part of being an adult is doing things you don’t really want to do. Be kind but don’t pander to her.

Well, maybe I was an odd teenager but I would genuinely never have occurred to me that saying "no" was an option in a scenario like this, lol.

My parents told me and I bloody well listened.

Does she want to stay at home alone?

I'd leave her at home.

Your main job is getting her ready to be an adult, she’s old enough to be in the house on her own, just let her stay

Leave her at home but switcg off the internet!

I wouldn't beg her, just tell her she's going 🤷‍♀️

My parents don’t speak English but they are very kind and patient with her. Honestly I want to give in but my husband won’t - we simply don’t trust her. She doesn’t care about anything but herself.

@Sunshineandpool yes she wants to be left alone

How?

When I was 17, nothing & nobody could have ‘forced’ me to do anything I didn’t want to do.

Leave her at home. My parents stopped taking me on holidays just after I turned 16. They didn't want me with them and I didn't want to go. Worked out fine. I'm now 55 with my own teens. No one died.

When I was 17 I did as I was bloody well told.

I'm realising from this thread that I was either oddly compliant or had parents who didn't take any shit, lol.

Sell her ticket to Reading. Cancel the trip to Paris.

She comes on holiday or you kick her out.

A 17 year old doesn't want to spend their holiday staying with grandparents - so, so dull. You can't force her down the family route, and the more you try the more she will push against it. Just leave her at home, she'll be fine. If she leaves the fridge door open, so what?

She’s Gillick competent. You can’t “make”
her go with you. What does that look like anyway? Physically manhandling her into the car? She’s 17 not 7.

I would calmly say it would mean a lot to your grandparents if you come. If she refuses you go without her.

Internet on a strict daily limit and sell her festival ticket and take someone else to Paris. If she’s happy with all that then she can stay at home.

Why do people post stuff like this?

What does being Gillick competent have to do with anything? There are 12 year olds who are Gillick competent - they wouldn't be staying home alone!

If you're confident she won't have parties then I'd let her stay home

Leave her at home .. she almost an adult .. if she messes up, she messes up. You never know, are might fly. Maybe family can keep their eye on her.

You can’t force her to go .. as in physically drag her to the car.

Sure. 🙄