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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP should've dropped everything to be with me? Perhaps I'm needy.

228 replies

mertlegr · 04/08/2024 00:13

DP lives a mile away from me. We've been together on and off for five years.

He has recently spent six months travelling Asia with his friends. This happened about a month after he got back.

The previous night, he had told me to let him know by 2pm the following day if I'd be free for hun to come over.

I work in healthcare and had to deal with the death of a baby (my first experience). This was obviously unexpected, so I missed the 2pm deadline.

When I got chance, I was texting him to let him know I was dealing with a death. I told him it had really affected me, and that it was the worst day I have ever had at work.

He said "I doubt I'll be free now".

He was in the pub with friends, and then had people back over to his garden where they were no doubt smoking weed. At this point he was seeing his friends essentially 7 days a week.

He started a new job a couple of weeks after that.

His justification for this, is that the chapter of seeing his friends every day was about to close, and that spending time with them was important. As he'd only be seeing them on the weekends once starting the new job.

When I say "you had two options, and you chose to drink and smoke with your friends. Like you have been doing for the last seven months" he says I am over simplifying it, and taking it out of context.

AIBU? Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2024 18:29

mertlegr · 04/08/2024 00:22

I really wanted him to be the one. But I just don't think he is, if this is how he views me/our relationship.

Yet it's on and off, he's prioritising seeing his friends over supporting you. He doesn't sound like he wants you to be the one

Do you want him to be it because you're head over heels in love and he's the best man you've ever been with? Or cos he's here and it's been five years and you don't want to start again?

BlossomOfOrange · 10/08/2024 21:47

Agree with the mismatched point. The only ok response to you would be to genuinely apologise for his mess up and never repeat, and to periodically check in on how you are doing. If not, and you stay with him you may need to be continually ok with him not noticing and acting in response to your needs? Hoping not, speaking from experience it’s a very lonely and devaluing existence. There are other people who do pay attention to others’ needs, and it’s a two-way street.

InsensibleMe · 11/08/2024 16:01

FlakyGreyEagle · 10/08/2024 18:16

Why so mean and rude?

Wow, as opposed to the other 100 posts all saying, ‘it’s easy, get rid of’? And your kind-hearted but complex solution is what?
Couples counselling, a holiday together, taking up crocheting as a team? Some situations require simple solutions, but perhaps you are not quite bright enough to get that?

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