To think DP should've dropped everything to be with me? Perhaps I'm needy.

[mertlegr]

DP lives a mile away from me. We've been together on and off for five years.

He has recently spent six months travelling Asia with his friends. This happened about a month after he got back.

The previous night, he had told me to let him know by 2pm the following day if I'd be free for hun to come over.

I work in healthcare and had to deal with the death of a baby (my first experience). This was obviously unexpected, so I missed the 2pm deadline.

When I got chance, I was texting him to let him know I was dealing with a death. I told him it had really affected me, and that it was the worst day I have ever had at work.

He said "I doubt I'll be free now".

He was in the pub with friends, and then had people back over to his garden where they were no doubt smoking weed. At this point he was seeing his friends essentially 7 days a week.

He started a new job a couple of weeks after that.

His justification for this, is that the chapter of seeing his friends every day was about to close, and that spending time with them was important. As he'd only be seeing them on the weekends once starting the new job.

When I say "you had two options, and you chose to drink and smoke with your friends. Like you have been doing for the last seven months" he says I am over simplifying it, and taking it out of context.

AIBU? Am I expecting too much?

wow, he chose smoking cannabis over supporting you when you needed it and were asking for it. Throw this one back

You have mis matched views. Bin him. He's not necessarily wrong, just wrong for you and your expectations.

Thank you.

This is what I say, but he says that I'm over simplifying it. That it wasn't about smoking weed, it was about spending precious time with his friends before that chapter of his life clowes.

That would be it for me. If he was invested in the relationship, he would have made his time off the chapter of spending time with you every day.

I assume you are young, just out of uni?

If he isn't wrong, then I am willing to work through it.

I'm open to changing my view.

Both mid twenties.

Jfc

he sounds uncaring and manipulative. You deserve more

Doesn't sound like a man who you can rely on. The fact that he smokes weed and hangs out with his mates like a teenager are the red flags. Ditch him like a bad omen. Men who show you how incompetent they are make shit fathers and shit partners.

He's a druggie who values his friends above you.
How is that not wrong?

You aren't expecting too much, but you are expecting it from the wrong person. You aren't a proper relationship - more FWBs - and he clearly has no loyalty or deeper feelings than that.

You definitely aren't his priority. I'm sure you could do better

Everyone deserves to be with someone who misses their partner after so long apart.

it wasn't about smoking weed, it was about spending precious time with his friends

i know it’s not a funny situation but this in itself is a hilariously weak reframing

I really wanted him to be the one. But I just don't think he is, if this is how he views me/our relationship.

If you don't like smoking weed, and he doesn't seem to include you in his friendship group, then I'd say you've little chance of a successful relationship. He seems, like many mid 20s men, to be unwilling or ready to settle down and get serious. I guess his new job could make him change. But if I were you I'd be assuming he's not right for you. Don't waste your time.

He’s a dick. Setting you a 2pm deadline? I understand if you were gonna book tickets or if you’re someone who is flaky. But you had a reason for not getting back to him and needed him to show a little kindness and compassion.

please do not change yourself for him.

set your bar higher.

You are not expecting too much you are expecting far too little!

You set him such a low bar and he still fails to meet it

What is the point of this "relationship" for you?

I don't smoke it, and would prefer he didn't. But it doesn't overly bother me, I can live with it if it's not excessive.

Boohoo. His "chapter" of doing fuck all and pissing about with his friends is over. Meanwhile you had the deal with the death of an infant without his support when you needed it.

His brain quite clearly hasn't fully matured yet.

Hope you feel better about what you experienced.

Sorry but it sounds like he's not that into you. You deserve better.

Why do you want him to be the one?

After 5 years of on/off you should know what your relationship is.

This is a waste of your time.

But, honestly, who defines "excessive"?

You're not a good match together, by the sounds of things.
He's doing his thing, and he's falling short of what you want from him.

I know you'll feel gutted - but, honestly, there's a better, more suitable person out there for you.

If he was worth anything he should have been around with you after the day you had, maybe pick you up from work, order in some food or cook dinner, share a bottle with, provide a shoulder to cry on or just be there to hug, to try and make you giggle and laugh as the night went on.

Instead you got what you got 😕

Now, if he was at something that had been planned for a long time with family member maybe, then you could understand not dropping it perhaps, but that would still allow him to come to yours afterwards and be the shoulder/hugger/make you giggle partner that he wasn't.

Find someone better.

You're with a selfish loser and your standards are too low.
Pot heads are such wasters.
You deserve better.
Stop wasting your time.