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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ignore this? Caught having sex.

197 replies

Mortifiedhere · 03/08/2024 11:16

I’m mortified as I think my 14 year old son heard or even saw my husband and I having sex last night.

I’m not 100% sure though.

We had our windows open and I hadn’t realised our bedroom door had swung open in the breeze (we both thought door was firmly closed, bedroom is an L shape and you can’t see the door from the bed, we can’t add a lock as it’s a rental).

We were in the middle of it and heard the bathroom door close. It was after midnight so we thought our son would be fast asleep.

This morning my son seems grumpier than usual, although to be fair he is quite grumpy these days. Typical moody teen.

I don’t feel I can raise it, as I’m not positive he definitely heard/saw anything. Therefore AIBU to just ignore it if he doesn’t mention anything?

If he does mention it obviously I’ll apologise but I’m just mortified and worried we’ve scarred him for life.

Has this happened to anyone else? How did you handle it? Argggghhhhhh

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 03/08/2024 11:18

Why would you apologetically for having sex?

6ixThirty · 03/08/2024 11:18

I don't understand why you think you need to apologise?

2dogsandabudgie · 03/08/2024 11:19

Why would you have scarred him for life? I'm sure he knows that you have sex, where does he think he came from? I would just leave it.

MounjaroUser · 03/08/2024 11:19

She's not apologising for having sex, it's having sex that he can hear, surely?

Pinkypinkyplonk · 03/08/2024 11:20

No, just carry on as if you don’t know he saw. If he mentions it, say you’re in a loving adult relationship and that it’s absolutely normal.

Qwertylife · 03/08/2024 11:22

Ignore, move on

Original poster
Mortifiedhere · 03/08/2024 11:22

Yes it would be an apology if he heard anything he shouldn’t have! I’m sincerely hoping he didn’t walk into our room and see something too.

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 03/08/2024 11:23

You say nothing, there's no need.

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 03/08/2024 11:25

FFS if you have a teenage boy in the house, make sure the bedroom door is shut properly and wedge something against it, if you're gonna shag. No 14 year old boy needs to see that! Hmm

6ixThirty · 03/08/2024 11:26

Mortifiedhere · 03/08/2024 11:22

Yes it would be an apology if he heard anything he shouldn’t have! I’m sincerely hoping he didn’t walk into our room and see something too.

Apologising will give the impression that there is something wrong with two people married to each other having sex. Is that the impression you would like to give him?
You were in your own room in the middle of the night.

JMSA · 03/08/2024 11:27

Och, it happens. No harm done!

MasterBeth · 03/08/2024 11:29

Ignore.

FinalInstructionstotheAudience · 03/08/2024 11:29

How to give your child a warped version of the activity that created him.
Don't set him on the road to being an incel

Onehotday · 03/08/2024 11:29

I think OP means more of a "sorry you heard us" than "sorry we were doing it".

CheeseWisely · 03/08/2024 11:30

If you can't put a lock on the door then get a wedge and wedge it shut from the inside.

Muffin101 · 03/08/2024 11:31

I don’t think I’d bring it up unless he did and then I’d apologise if he heard anything that made him feel uncomfortable but that you (obviously!!) didn’t mean for him to hear what is normal within a loving relationship.

Original poster
Mortifiedhere · 03/08/2024 11:34

Yes, lesson learned. Buying a door wedge.

OP posts:
Catza · 03/08/2024 11:36

A 14 year old scarred for life because married people have sex? I don't think so

NerrSnerr · 03/08/2024 11:36

It's very basic stuff that parents should make sure that their kids don't see them having sex. It's pretty careless that you'd let the door blow open.

My parents had no regard for us kids- rocking caravans, would be at it loudly when they knew we were awake etc. Not saying the OP is like this but I wouldn't just shrug off that he may have seen them. That isn't nice at for anyone.

NerrSnerr · 03/08/2024 11:37

They shouldn't apologise for having sex but should apologise if he saw it.

Surprisedmystified · 03/08/2024 11:37

Yes I agree with pp who say don't bring it up unless he does.
And if you do have a conversation don't apologise for the sex. Apologise that you should have wedged the door or been more careful so he didn't hear but not about the sex itself and stress to him it's a normal thing in a loving relationship.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 03/08/2024 11:39

You say you can't see the door from the bed, which means you can't see the bed from the door.

So for him to see anything he would have had to come in and look

And if he did that then I think "please don't just walk into our private room" is a better conversation +

Adviceneeeeded · 03/08/2024 11:42

Don't apologise. Ignore and move on. If he says anything say that you are in a loving relationship and that's how he came into the world.

My 11 year old opened the door and walked in to ours at 2 am. He went straight back to his room. I got dressed. Checked on him and said we loved him and go to sleep and we will talk in the morning. I didn't apologise. I explained we loved each ither very much and then then reinforced the importance of knocking on doors!

KreedKafer · 03/08/2024 11:43

Obviously nobody wants to see or hear their parents having a shag and you should be more careful with your privacy in future, but no, there is no need to mention it to him. Whatever he heard/saw, he knows what it was and he’s as mortified as you are and does not want to be mortified further by a conversation about it.

It’s not like being caught by a five-year-old who might mistake it for aggression or something and require an explanation about mummy and daddy’s special cuddles. He’s a teenager. He doesn’t need a chat about what grown-ups do in relationships.

Cas112 · 03/08/2024 11:45

He definitely heard. He made sure to make a noise so you would hear and stop.

I literally did the exact same thing when I was younger with my parents.. slammed the bathroom door, also STOMPED back to my bedroom 😂 he should get over it Op, I did haha